The Night Santa Came to Dinner.
Santa has many skills.16 total reviews
Comment from Chris OConnell
Great to see an old fashion value story written in such a way we want to use our imagination. Instead of technology to get what we want even a partner. Thank you throughly enjoyed it
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Great to see an old fashion value story written in such a way we want to use our imagination. Instead of technology to get what we want even a partner. Thank you throughly enjoyed it
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Thanks Chris for the great review. A bit of a different style for me but I am glad you enjoyed it. Yes, the old fashioned way can still be the best. Take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a wonderful story. I can easily see it as a book for seven-to ten-year-olds. The one problem I see is that it is a little too long. There is something called "writing tighter", which means a rewrite during which you look for times when you can use fewer words but still give a good mind picture to the child. The magic dust was a great idea. You might have her mother know "Santa" for a longer time, so it is obvious to the parent reader that this is a "relationship" that is likely to last. Only thing I saw that needed a change: . . . so (as) she could walk . . . Best wishes to you for a wonderful new year for you and all those you love.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2024
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This is a wonderful story. I can easily see it as a book for seven-to ten-year-olds. The one problem I see is that it is a little too long. There is something called "writing tighter", which means a rewrite during which you look for times when you can use fewer words but still give a good mind picture to the child. The magic dust was a great idea. You might have her mother know "Santa" for a longer time, so it is obvious to the parent reader that this is a "relationship" that is likely to last. Only thing I saw that needed a change: . . . so (as) she could walk . . . Best wishes to you for a wonderful new year for you and all those you love.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2024
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Carol,
Thanks for your kind review. Yes, it might be a tad long and I may trim it down if I place it in another competition elsewhere. Take care and have a Happy New Year for 2024.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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You might consider looking into the requirements from Cricket Books.
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Thanks for the info.Cheers
Comment from Jacob1395
This was a really sweet piece and I loved the idea of Sally writing to Santa asking for him to help get her mum a new boyfriend. A really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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This was a really sweet piece and I loved the idea of Sally writing to Santa asking for him to help get her mum a new boyfriend. A really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thanks Jacob for your review. Glad you liked it. A bit longer than the normal short story found on the site but glad to know it held your attention. Have a happy New Year and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Teri7
This is a really great Christmas story you have penned for the contest. You used great dialogue and very good descriptive words. It kept my mind wondering the whole time I was reading it. Very good job. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings and Happy New Year! Teri
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2023
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This is a really great Christmas story you have penned for the contest. You used great dialogue and very good descriptive words. It kept my mind wondering the whole time I was reading it. Very good job. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings and Happy New Year! Teri
Comment Written 29-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2023
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Teri, Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the best wishes. Have a great day. Regards Barry Penfold.
Comment from Navada
I really enjoyed this story and the lovely way Sally's mum introduced her to the prospect of a new man in her life. I also enjoyed Pepper's prescient behaviour and the way this gave Sally a companion in the story. Lovely writing! :)
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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I really enjoyed this story and the lovely way Sally's mum introduced her to the prospect of a new man in her life. I also enjoyed Pepper's prescient behaviour and the way this gave Sally a companion in the story. Lovely writing! :)
Comment Written 28-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for your positive review. The inclusion of Pepper as her companion was a winner. I hope you have a wonderful New Year. Take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Sanku
A very good story and a cheerful one too.I am happy that Santa came home..may be Michael could be her mother's new man. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the story , all the best for the contest...
Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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A very good story and a cheerful one too.I am happy that Santa came home..may be Michael could be her mother's new man. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the story , all the best for the contest...
Happy New Year!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Thanks for such a positive review. Yes, I though the theme of Christmas needed a positive story. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow. This was quite the story. I enjoyed reading it from word one until the end as it kept me intrigued. Good fharectorization.
Also, quite the solid entry into the contest. Best of luck.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Wow. This was quite the story. I enjoyed reading it from word one until the end as it kept me intrigued. Good fharectorization.
Also, quite the solid entry into the contest. Best of luck.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 28-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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John,
Thanks so much for your positive review. Glad you enjoyed it Hopefully, it will go well in the contest. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This story should be a good contender in the Christmas story contest. For the longest time I thought this was after a divorce, but then there was a sentence like this one: She so desired them to return
which made me think the father had passed away.
I thought this was perfectly coherent. But I would suggest looking through for where commas and capital letters should go. Here are a few spots:
Michael was his name and Sally liked him.
You can add a comma after name. That way it is not a run-on sentence.
Her letter to Santa was quite short but she had made sure it was made out in her best hand writing and spelling.
I would just put a comma after the word 'short' for the same reason. You can say 'handwriting' without a space.
"They look like two elves mum.
To avoid confusion, try: "They look like two elves, Mum.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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This story should be a good contender in the Christmas story contest. For the longest time I thought this was after a divorce, but then there was a sentence like this one: She so desired them to return
which made me think the father had passed away.
I thought this was perfectly coherent. But I would suggest looking through for where commas and capital letters should go. Here are a few spots:
Michael was his name and Sally liked him.
You can add a comma after name. That way it is not a run-on sentence.
Her letter to Santa was quite short but she had made sure it was made out in her best hand writing and spelling.
I would just put a comma after the word 'short' for the same reason. You can say 'handwriting' without a space.
"They look like two elves mum.
To avoid confusion, try: "They look like two elves, Mum.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for your positive review and also suggestions as to corrections. Glad you enjoyed the story.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from royowen
Just loved the story, but of course I knew there was something that did not add up, so o wasn't surprised to find Santa was Michael, and that Sally's mum wouldn't be sad anymore, she'd been stepping out with Santa for ages, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : She (k)new Santa
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Just loved the story, but of course I knew there was something that did not add up, so o wasn't surprised to find Santa was Michael, and that Sally's mum wouldn't be sad anymore, she'd been stepping out with Santa for ages, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : She (k)new Santa
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2023
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Roy,
Thanks for the positive review. Glad you enjoyed the story and your pickup on the typo. Happy New Year to you and your family.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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The same to you Barry
Comment from Lisasview
Good morning Barry, the day after Christmas!
Wonderfully written... engaging story!
You have an excellent imagination...
Thank you for sharing,
Lisa, one week before I get my knee knee...
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Good morning Barry, the day after Christmas!
Wonderfully written... engaging story!
You have an excellent imagination...
Thank you for sharing,
Lisa, one week before I get my knee knee...
Comment Written 26-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thanks for your review. Hope you had a great Christmas. I was pretty happy how this turned out. Took me longer than I thought. Anyway lets see how it goes.
Also, best of luck with the knee operation. A bit of rehab on the way. I am sure you will find a story in it. Take care.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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You are so welcome...
Doing catch up now .... reading, reviewing and posting...
All before I go in...
Lisa
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You will be fine. You will be fully functional before you know it.
Cheers
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Than you so much.
That is what I hope so.
Lisa
