Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Suspense"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
13 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Any culture that allows wife beating needs a makeover. I was glad there was a bit of hope in this paragraph:
It seemed the night crept away and the sun was rising after all. The dispersal of rays through the windows managed to lift some of the gloom. Not long after, the two young boys woke.
Rubbing their eyes, they smiled shyly at me. One gave me the peace sign. I signed back and smiled.
I would suggest just putting a comma after crept away. That is because there are two independent clauses there.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Any culture that allows wife beating needs a makeover. I was glad there was a bit of hope in this paragraph:
It seemed the night crept away and the sun was rising after all. The dispersal of rays through the windows managed to lift some of the gloom. Not long after, the two young boys woke.
Rubbing their eyes, they smiled shyly at me. One gave me the peace sign. I signed back and smiled.
I would suggest just putting a comma after crept away. That is because there are two independent clauses there.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Hello, yes, I did I made that change. Thank you for pointing that out to me I appreciate them as you know! You hanging in there with me I very much appreciate more than anything! Thank you again for your kind and wonderful review and your fine rating too I hope you have a great afternoon!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm sure Mrs. D appreciated your kindness and saw the value of having you in the house, if for no other reason than to protect the children, should her husband return home angry. You have built suspense into this true story, and I will be waiting to see what happens.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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I'm sure Mrs. D appreciated your kindness and saw the value of having you in the house, if for no other reason than to protect the children, should her husband return home angry. You have built suspense into this true story, and I will be waiting to see what happens.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you again.
I'm glad that you find the interesting and I'm able to tell my story to others. It's it's a difficult read sometimes I know. Thank you again my friend I hope you have the best day!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I enjoyed reading and can't wait to read more.
we then sat down for some Chai tea. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
Always mad about something." Mrs. D said. (comma after 'something')
"He cannot kill me." She replied. (comma after 'me' and lower case 's' on 'she')
"That's a relief." I answered a bit sarcastically."How long do you think he'll be gone?" (comma after 'relief,' and space after period following 'sarcastically.')
ould be next week." She replied. (comma after 'week,' and lower case 's' on 'she') Not correcting any more dialogue, some still needs editing.
Mrs. D looked at me "Joo (period after 'me.')
other indian families too. (Indian)
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I enjoyed reading and can't wait to read more.
we then sat down for some Chai tea. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
Always mad about something." Mrs. D said. (comma after 'something')
"He cannot kill me." She replied. (comma after 'me' and lower case 's' on 'she')
"That's a relief." I answered a bit sarcastically."How long do you think he'll be gone?" (comma after 'relief,' and space after period following 'sarcastically.')
ould be next week." She replied. (comma after 'week,' and lower case 's' on 'she') Not correcting any more dialogue, some still needs editing.
Mrs. D looked at me "Joo (period after 'me.')
other indian families too. (Indian)
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Hi Barbara, thank you so much. I wanna have and make those changes appreciate you pointing them out. They are very valuable to me. I am learning as I go. Thank you again for reading along and for offering your review. I am honored to receive it hope you have a great day!
Comment from Ric Myworld
The rage is always within those abused, but I'd guess most are like me in that I never want to show it. It's hidden like vengeance in the dark, but can erupt in an instance with a volcanoes fury. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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The rage is always within those abused, but I'd guess most are like me in that I never want to show it. It's hidden like vengeance in the dark, but can erupt in an instance with a volcanoes fury. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Very poetically written also to the point and very true. Thank you again my friend I appreciate you!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
found myself going to it tiny and again.
maybe tiny should be time?
I understand the girl I was today but not then.
Either: I understand the girl I was, today but not then.
Or perhaps: I understand the girl I am today but not then.
Just my thoughts.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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found myself going to it tiny and again.
maybe tiny should be time?
I understand the girl I was today but not then.
Either: I understand the girl I was, today but not then.
Or perhaps: I understand the girl I am today but not then.
Just my thoughts.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you again for your great writing and your edit suggestions that are like gold!
Comment from Jacob1395
It's so disgusting to think that men are allowed to beat women because it is part of their culture, and it is horrific to think that Mrs D just accepts this as part of their way of life. Another well written chapter in your story Lea.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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It's so disgusting to think that men are allowed to beat women because it is part of their culture, and it is horrific to think that Mrs D just accepts this as part of their way of life. Another well written chapter in your story Lea.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you, Jacob for reading. Some of them are tough I know. I appreciate your reviews and you're reading along with me. I hope you have a great day Jacob. Thanks for reading again for your fine review and your great rating!
Comment from Jim Wile
You are a good and brave soul, Lea, staying to help that poor woman and not immediately departing after such an event where you, yourself, were attacked. That took guts on your part to hang around until the nutso husband returned.
I don't know where you learned such compassion from the upbringing you had. It must have been innate. I'm glad, though, that these experiences have aroused a passion in you to fight back and not be a victim. I think this is what has allowed you to survive, not without some scars, but just to have come through all of it intact.
It seems like you are just waiting to confront this man when he returns and give him a piece of your mind. Let's just hope this doesn't put you in danger and prove to be one of those mistakes you refer to! - Jim
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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You are a good and brave soul, Lea, staying to help that poor woman and not immediately departing after such an event where you, yourself, were attacked. That took guts on your part to hang around until the nutso husband returned.
I don't know where you learned such compassion from the upbringing you had. It must have been innate. I'm glad, though, that these experiences have aroused a passion in you to fight back and not be a victim. I think this is what has allowed you to survive, not without some scars, but just to have come through all of it intact.
It seems like you are just waiting to confront this man when he returns and give him a piece of your mind. Let's just hope this doesn't put you in danger and prove to be one of those mistakes you refer to! - Jim
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Hi Jim! It seems mayhem attracts mayhem. However, this realization doesn't come to me until learn the hard way. I suppose at some point mine was no different if not more. I appreciate so very much your kind words. I appreciate you insight and your well-thought-out reviews as well. I am the broken record and will continue to be so! Lol. I appreciate your kind comments and your insight thank you so much! Have an awesome day!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
It seems that Mrs D's culture is not widely different from our own with women, as ever, as secondary citizens. This is a poignantly expressed discussion with a fellow sufferer whom you instinctively find a need to protect. Your introduction skilfully widens the focus on your life and reiterates the generational damage cause through domestic abuse. There are some small edits in it: I found myself going to it (time?) and again; there was lots of mayhem and (the it?)...; (gone) to stupid places; I understand the girl I (am) today..; No (they) reverberate and pass on...
Another excellent chapter in which your emerging maturity and increasing concern for others is the centrepiece. Thanks for sharing Debbie xo
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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It seems that Mrs D's culture is not widely different from our own with women, as ever, as secondary citizens. This is a poignantly expressed discussion with a fellow sufferer whom you instinctively find a need to protect. Your introduction skilfully widens the focus on your life and reiterates the generational damage cause through domestic abuse. There are some small edits in it: I found myself going to it (time?) and again; there was lots of mayhem and (the it?)...; (gone) to stupid places; I understand the girl I (am) today..; No (they) reverberate and pass on...
Another excellent chapter in which your emerging maturity and increasing concern for others is the centrepiece. Thanks for sharing Debbie xo
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you Debbie. I appreciate your kind reviews as always. I'm happy to see you here. I am the broken record l o l I do respect your reviews and all your comments then appreciate them so I hope that you have a great day!
Comment from JSD
At least you seem to have a trustworthy friend to share time with and that must help. Strength in numbers? Thanks for continuing with this, Lea. Love as always. x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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At least you seem to have a trustworthy friend to share time with and that must help. Strength in numbers? Thanks for continuing with this, Lea. Love as always. x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you for reading long and I appreciate it and you very much. I'm not at all awake. I'm happy to see your review humbled to receive them thank you again my friend!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Your last line is tantalising as we now know something awful is going to happen Lea. Can things get any worse for you Lea, is everyone around you violent? How awful this situation is. A husband having the right to beat his wife is something out of the dark ages and yet it is happening as we speak to some poor woman.
I have spent some Christmases alone Lea and I try and make the best of it. During Covid I was on my own for nearly two years with no communication with others except on line, it was a most difficult time for me.
Another fine chapter in your early life Lea, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Your last line is tantalising as we now know something awful is going to happen Lea. Can things get any worse for you Lea, is everyone around you violent? How awful this situation is. A husband having the right to beat his wife is something out of the dark ages and yet it is happening as we speak to some poor woman.
I have spent some Christmases alone Lea and I try and make the best of it. During Covid I was on my own for nearly two years with no communication with others except on line, it was a most difficult time for me.
Another fine chapter in your early life Lea, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you Dolly! I always I appreciate your kindness and your thoughtful review. I'm glad you're enjoying the read. And I took a long for the ride with me. Your comments are valuable I treasure that thank you enjoy your evening!
