Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Suspense"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
16 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Slip the chains that bind the abused - a very positive and powerful line, Lea.
Love your version of how the angel got to be on the tree, though I'm sure that's not what happened to my angel LOL It is sad that some men get away with it by it being 'part of their culture for man to be boss' as long as he doesn''t kill his wife.
Well written Lea,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Slip the chains that bind the abused - a very positive and powerful line, Lea.
Love your version of how the angel got to be on the tree, though I'm sure that's not what happened to my angel LOL It is sad that some men get away with it by it being 'part of their culture for man to be boss' as long as he doesn''t kill his wife.
Well written Lea,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Hello, and good morning, thank you very much! Once again, you're review,
never fails to inspire! I have the best news! Yesterday I won the international impact book award! I'm so excited! I gotta keep my brain on task you know! Haha! Really thankful for your review and your comment and your ideas.
In the fine rating, your time 2 is amazing to me. I hope you are having an awesome j.And get your holiday will be great too!
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Congratulations on that award Lea, well done.
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Thank you so much. I very much appreciate that!
Comment from Avery Daniel
While the message of the story is... bleak to say it kindly. The writing is not the best I've seen. It seems very "woe is me," and "let's have a pity party." To me, this story has a lot of revision needed to be uplifting, as sharing your trauma doesn't mean you've overcome it, it only means you're not in denial phase anymore. I will recognize that the portions labeled as "past" spoke much more profoundly than your "present" thoughts. I know revisiting trauma can be rough, as I've been through a good bit of trauma myself, but you MUST use those events that happened prior to grow from. You have the choice to be the victim or the champion! The choice is yours. You also seemed to minimize the emotion felt in the present, in which I get, as that's a trauma response, but I think your writing will be liberated if you live that pain one last time to process the hate and anger you felt about this bit of grief. I'd also work on my vocabulary if I were you... it's not a super big deal, but using "high-dollar" words sparingly helps with story flow in my humble opinion. I don't mean to just dump on your story, but I'd spruce it up a bit. You also seem to ramble and have multiple sentences which could be reduced to only one, maybe two sentences. And that's my 2 cents.
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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While the message of the story is... bleak to say it kindly. The writing is not the best I've seen. It seems very "woe is me," and "let's have a pity party." To me, this story has a lot of revision needed to be uplifting, as sharing your trauma doesn't mean you've overcome it, it only means you're not in denial phase anymore. I will recognize that the portions labeled as "past" spoke much more profoundly than your "present" thoughts. I know revisiting trauma can be rough, as I've been through a good bit of trauma myself, but you MUST use those events that happened prior to grow from. You have the choice to be the victim or the champion! The choice is yours. You also seemed to minimize the emotion felt in the present, in which I get, as that's a trauma response, but I think your writing will be liberated if you live that pain one last time to process the hate and anger you felt about this bit of grief. I'd also work on my vocabulary if I were you... it's not a super big deal, but using "high-dollar" words sparingly helps with story flow in my humble opinion. I don't mean to just dump on your story, but I'd spruce it up a bit. You also seem to ramble and have multiple sentences which could be reduced to only one, maybe two sentences. And that's my 2 cents.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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This story is not an uplifting story and it will not be going forward. This is book 2 of a series book one has been published by MacMillan and it's called "Ghost". The book is considered a teaching tool for therapists and other mental health professionals to under children better who went through extreme trauma, as I did. This is not about corarmy, it's about healing. It's about letting it all, come out on my proverbial pens in the weight coming off slowly. That hurt my feelings.
It's autobiographical in nature, and it is full of crime and cover up. Many of my family held high up in government position within the ministry and could do and say and cover up whatever they wished. And so they did to the sacrifice of lives of children where many went in and only I came out. There is no poor me, there's only survival. And if I have a few harsh words against the parents and step parents who did this, I am not sorry. That's what i'm writing about. I stood up against them and the government that takes courage, not Woe is me, that's not the nature of it. You do not understand the of what it was. My family were high up in the government. They were like mafia without guns. They preferred a slow death over a quick one. I live my life with high trauma and hired abuse, death and cover up all around me. This is my way of peeling the onion in a healthy way. In fact, june third of this year, my family hired a man to run me off the road, which he did with three smashes of my vehicle with me and my dogs inside totaled.My vehicle hospitalized me.Police confirm a man who worked for my family. And also followed my government officials who do not want my testimony out there. Still, to this day, my lines are monitored. They follow me in their red cars.
An all along family calling you a liar. Currently, I have mountains of evidence sitting with my lawyer.Family members are being arrested. They called me a liar, one too many times and so I wrote it all out. My first book has resulted in legal ramifications. You do not understand my life or what I've lived through. And now I've come to this point today where I can finally let it go. I do so through my writing. I've won many awards from my first book.I just signed a contract with the united kingdom. I believe you responded without the whole picture and what I had to do to survive took every ounce of courage I had. And I will write about it, and if there's bit of boohoo in there and some poor me, turn the page for put the book down.
I'm sorry if you think this message is rude. Oh, by your comment puts down everything. I've lived through everything I had to do. The starvation of living in the forest, the beatings the slave mentality.I'm watching my sister starve to death. If you wish you can read the first book for free.The unedited version is in my portfolio. And it's not about the writing style or how I wrote it. That's the main point here. It's about what happened and that the truth is finally revealed.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really felt the tension in your story. The dialogue with Mrs. D is so real. It's easy to feel the heaviness of her situation. "Will he hurt the kids?" is such a powerful question. It's such a moving story - well done!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2024
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I really felt the tension in your story. The dialogue with Mrs. D is so real. It's easy to feel the heaviness of her situation. "Will he hurt the kids?" is such a powerful question. It's such a moving story - well done!
Comment Written 15-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2024
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Michael, thank you so much again.Truly happy to have you reviewing! And they're just thoughtful, and it's kind, I appreciate them very much.
I'm glad this story speaks to you. It tells me 2 things, compassion and insight you have them both. Thank you very much.Have an awesome eve!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Any culture that allows wife beating needs a makeover. I was glad there was a bit of hope in this paragraph:
It seemed the night crept away and the sun was rising after all. The dispersal of rays through the windows managed to lift some of the gloom. Not long after, the two young boys woke.
Rubbing their eyes, they smiled shyly at me. One gave me the peace sign. I signed back and smiled.
I would suggest just putting a comma after crept away. That is because there are two independent clauses there.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Any culture that allows wife beating needs a makeover. I was glad there was a bit of hope in this paragraph:
It seemed the night crept away and the sun was rising after all. The dispersal of rays through the windows managed to lift some of the gloom. Not long after, the two young boys woke.
Rubbing their eyes, they smiled shyly at me. One gave me the peace sign. I signed back and smiled.
I would suggest just putting a comma after crept away. That is because there are two independent clauses there.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
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Hello, yes, I did I made that change. Thank you for pointing that out to me I appreciate them as you know! You hanging in there with me I very much appreciate more than anything! Thank you again for your kind and wonderful review and your fine rating too I hope you have a great afternoon!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm sure Mrs. D appreciated your kindness and saw the value of having you in the house, if for no other reason than to protect the children, should her husband return home angry. You have built suspense into this true story, and I will be waiting to see what happens.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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I'm sure Mrs. D appreciated your kindness and saw the value of having you in the house, if for no other reason than to protect the children, should her husband return home angry. You have built suspense into this true story, and I will be waiting to see what happens.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you again.
I'm glad that you find the interesting and I'm able to tell my story to others. It's it's a difficult read sometimes I know. Thank you again my friend I hope you have the best day!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I enjoyed reading and can't wait to read more.
we then sat down for some Chai tea. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
Always mad about something." Mrs. D said. (comma after 'something')
"He cannot kill me." She replied. (comma after 'me' and lower case 's' on 'she')
"That's a relief." I answered a bit sarcastically."How long do you think he'll be gone?" (comma after 'relief,' and space after period following 'sarcastically.')
ould be next week." She replied. (comma after 'week,' and lower case 's' on 'she') Not correcting any more dialogue, some still needs editing.
Mrs. D looked at me "Joo (period after 'me.')
other indian families too. (Indian)
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I enjoyed reading and can't wait to read more.
we then sat down for some Chai tea. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
Always mad about something." Mrs. D said. (comma after 'something')
"He cannot kill me." She replied. (comma after 'me' and lower case 's' on 'she')
"That's a relief." I answered a bit sarcastically."How long do you think he'll be gone?" (comma after 'relief,' and space after period following 'sarcastically.')
ould be next week." She replied. (comma after 'week,' and lower case 's' on 'she') Not correcting any more dialogue, some still needs editing.
Mrs. D looked at me "Joo (period after 'me.')
other indian families too. (Indian)
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Hi Barbara, thank you so much. I wanna have and make those changes appreciate you pointing them out. They are very valuable to me. I am learning as I go. Thank you again for reading along and for offering your review. I am honored to receive it hope you have a great day!
Comment from Ric Myworld
The rage is always within those abused, but I'd guess most are like me in that I never want to show it. It's hidden like vengeance in the dark, but can erupt in an instance with a volcanoes fury. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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The rage is always within those abused, but I'd guess most are like me in that I never want to show it. It's hidden like vengeance in the dark, but can erupt in an instance with a volcanoes fury. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Very poetically written also to the point and very true. Thank you again my friend I appreciate you!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
found myself going to it tiny and again.
maybe tiny should be time?
I understand the girl I was today but not then.
Either: I understand the girl I was, today but not then.
Or perhaps: I understand the girl I am today but not then.
Just my thoughts.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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found myself going to it tiny and again.
maybe tiny should be time?
I understand the girl I was today but not then.
Either: I understand the girl I was, today but not then.
Or perhaps: I understand the girl I am today but not then.
Just my thoughts.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you again for your great writing and your edit suggestions that are like gold!
Comment from Jacob1395
It's so disgusting to think that men are allowed to beat women because it is part of their culture, and it is horrific to think that Mrs D just accepts this as part of their way of life. Another well written chapter in your story Lea.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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It's so disgusting to think that men are allowed to beat women because it is part of their culture, and it is horrific to think that Mrs D just accepts this as part of their way of life. Another well written chapter in your story Lea.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you, Jacob for reading. Some of them are tough I know. I appreciate your reviews and you're reading along with me. I hope you have a great day Jacob. Thanks for reading again for your fine review and your great rating!
Comment from Jim Wile
You are a good and brave soul, Lea, staying to help that poor woman and not immediately departing after such an event where you, yourself, were attacked. That took guts on your part to hang around until the nutso husband returned.
I don't know where you learned such compassion from the upbringing you had. It must have been innate. I'm glad, though, that these experiences have aroused a passion in you to fight back and not be a victim. I think this is what has allowed you to survive, not without some scars, but just to have come through all of it intact.
It seems like you are just waiting to confront this man when he returns and give him a piece of your mind. Let's just hope this doesn't put you in danger and prove to be one of those mistakes you refer to! - Jim
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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You are a good and brave soul, Lea, staying to help that poor woman and not immediately departing after such an event where you, yourself, were attacked. That took guts on your part to hang around until the nutso husband returned.
I don't know where you learned such compassion from the upbringing you had. It must have been innate. I'm glad, though, that these experiences have aroused a passion in you to fight back and not be a victim. I think this is what has allowed you to survive, not without some scars, but just to have come through all of it intact.
It seems like you are just waiting to confront this man when he returns and give him a piece of your mind. Let's just hope this doesn't put you in danger and prove to be one of those mistakes you refer to! - Jim
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Hi Jim! It seems mayhem attracts mayhem. However, this realization doesn't come to me until learn the hard way. I suppose at some point mine was no different if not more. I appreciate so very much your kind words. I appreciate you insight and your well-thought-out reviews as well. I am the broken record and will continue to be so! Lol. I appreciate your kind comments and your insight thank you so much! Have an awesome day!