The Night
Many things can happen at Night.13 total reviews
Comment from Thesis
I had no idea where this was going when I began reading. I like how you weaves the story and how you were able to make it into an inspirational piece with a purpose and message. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023
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I had no idea where this was going when I began reading. I like how you weaves the story and how you were able to make it into an inspirational piece with a purpose and message. Nicely done.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for your review. I am glad you enjoyed the read. A little bit different from the norm. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from patcelaw
I read the story and find it is very chilling about fear. I do not fear things most of the time, but once in a while, fear will kind of grip me. So I kinda understand Tony in this situation. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. Patricia.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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I read the story and find it is very chilling about fear. I do not fear things most of the time, but once in a while, fear will kind of grip me. So I kinda understand Tony in this situation. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. Patricia.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed it. Fear visits us all in some shape or form, but hopefully not too often. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Richard's Opus
This horror tale reads more like the outline for a story, rather than the story itself. Personification, the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form, is represented here in the form of fear, an emotional state which every one possesses to one degree or another. Part one has fear, as first person narrator, telling us, rather than showing us through dialogue and action with the other main character, Tony, what evil plans he has for making Tony's life an emotional hell. We switch narrators and points of view, in part 2, where we see the two main story ideas, fear, and how different people handle it, played out in an action scene that is once again, largely uninvolving to the reader do to the lack of really showing us through your descriptive word choices and action, so that the reader can really "see" what is taking place on the page. This plot outline has a lot of potential, and I would like to see you really flesh it out, like a movie unfolding before the reader's eyes. These are just one horror fan's suggestions, and are offered in the hope that maybe some of my comments might be helpful. Good luck with your writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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This horror tale reads more like the outline for a story, rather than the story itself. Personification, the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form, is represented here in the form of fear, an emotional state which every one possesses to one degree or another. Part one has fear, as first person narrator, telling us, rather than showing us through dialogue and action with the other main character, Tony, what evil plans he has for making Tony's life an emotional hell. We switch narrators and points of view, in part 2, where we see the two main story ideas, fear, and how different people handle it, played out in an action scene that is once again, largely uninvolving to the reader do to the lack of really showing us through your descriptive word choices and action, so that the reader can really "see" what is taking place on the page. This plot outline has a lot of potential, and I would like to see you really flesh it out, like a movie unfolding before the reader's eyes. These are just one horror fan's suggestions, and are offered in the hope that maybe some of my comments might be helpful. Good luck with your writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thanks for your thoughtful review. I tend to agree that the story needs some fleshing out. Perhaps this is a project I can undertake in the near future. Overall the story has been received well. A rework might just push it a bit higher. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Initially, I realized it was fear talking in part one. But I could not figure out who the intruder was. I was thinking he was going to beat a relative or roommate to death.
So, the cat was a good add/in. This was an interesting read. Makes me wonder how lust, greed, or hate would sound if it could talk.
Good stuff
D
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Initially, I realized it was fear talking in part one. But I could not figure out who the intruder was. I was thinking he was going to beat a relative or roommate to death.
So, the cat was a good add/in. This was an interesting read. Makes me wonder how lust, greed, or hate would sound if it could talk.
Good stuff
D
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Doug,
Thanks for the review. Yes lust, greed and hate may indeed make interesting characters. I see your entry is streaking ahead in the vote. I must go and have a read. Thanks again.
Regards
Barry Penfold
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My entry was dark, but satisfying.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is a marvelous story and a creative use of the writing prompt. The only thing I might suggest is that a larger font would be easier for us older FanStorians to read. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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This is a marvelous story and a creative use of the writing prompt. The only thing I might suggest is that a larger font would be easier for us older FanStorians to read. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Wow. Thanks for your six star review. So glad you enjoyed the story. I will take your suggestion very seriously and ensure the font on any future stories is larger. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from JSD
Creepy, scary stuff. Brilliantly written. I read through the cracks in my fingers, the way I watch a horror film - or don't watch! Best of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Creepy, scary stuff. Brilliantly written. I read through the cracks in my fingers, the way I watch a horror film - or don't watch! Best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Ha Ha. Love that you mentioned you read through the cracks in your fingers. Thanks for the review. I was happy with the story overall. Take care and have a wondereful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I think I have only reviewed you once before. I don't see you here much. But, I have only been here writing since August. This is very good writing. I really enjoyed it. Fear needs to up his or her game. If you had Tony kill the cat in his banging around, this would have lowered his self confidence and given fear a bigger hold. Just my thoughts. Still, loved it. Karen
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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I think I have only reviewed you once before. I don't see you here much. But, I have only been here writing since August. This is very good writing. I really enjoyed it. Fear needs to up his or her game. If you had Tony kill the cat in his banging around, this would have lowered his self confidence and given fear a bigger hold. Just my thoughts. Still, loved it. Karen
Comment Written 04-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Karen,
Thanks so much for your review. I am glad you enjoyed it. Yes, I agree Fear needs to pick up their game. I like your idea but the cat had to stay. At least for this story. All the best to you and and I see you are pretty active in posting work. Great stuff. All the very best. I will have a closer look at your work. Please feel free to look at my postings if time permits. Take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is an excellently expressed story of fear! I like the way you really get into that sense of foreboding in the most effective way by actually embodying it and it's unwelcome and haunting grip on us. It's original and infinitely relatable to us all. The fine imagery of the moon sets the scene and draws on our innately fearful instincts. There are no errors noted and I wish you the best of luck in the contest with this strong contender! Well done, Barry! Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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This is an excellently expressed story of fear! I like the way you really get into that sense of foreboding in the most effective way by actually embodying it and it's unwelcome and haunting grip on us. It's original and infinitely relatable to us all. The fine imagery of the moon sets the scene and draws on our innately fearful instincts. There are no errors noted and I wish you the best of luck in the contest with this strong contender! Well done, Barry! Debbie
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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Thanks Debbie for your review. I left the middle of the road story to try something different. Time will tell whether or not it works but for mine I am pretty happy with the way it all turned out. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You certainly understand the nature of fear. Then there are the fools who rush in and don't discover fear until after they did their thing. You have given fear quite an interesting personification. Darkness is certainly one of his greatest allies. This is good writing, and I didn't find any proof-reading errors.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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You certainly understand the nature of fear. Then there are the fools who rush in and don't discover fear until after they did their thing. You have given fear quite an interesting personification. Darkness is certainly one of his greatest allies. This is good writing, and I didn't find any proof-reading errors.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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Carol,
Thanks for your review. Glad you liked the story as it is a little bit out of left field. Lets see where it goes as far as the competition goes. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Paul McFarland
This was a little different, Barry. You have kept the reader on the edge of his seat until the end. A very good ending. The personification of "Fear" was a good idea.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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This was a little different, Barry. You have kept the reader on the edge of his seat until the end. A very good ending. The personification of "Fear" was a good idea.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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Paul, thanks for your review. Yes I decided to come a little bit from the left field. Something different. Lets see if it works for the competition. Hope you are well.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
