Me. Her. Him
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Me. Her. Him - Chapter 29 "A hidden past, a devastating truth.
6 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Money it seems to be the live blood of society and everything that we do. You've written this beautifully. You ask fundamental questions and you give practical answers along with a very unique way of writing which is all your own. I see no issues with the punctuation subject matter. Sometimes structure or spelling call good and define submission great job having awesome day!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Money it seems to be the live blood of society and everything that we do. You've written this beautifully. You ask fundamental questions and you give practical answers along with a very unique way of writing which is all your own. I see no issues with the punctuation subject matter. Sometimes structure or spelling call good and define submission great job having awesome day!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Thank you Lea.
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written chapter. It maybe your MC talks a lot or not. But I was wondering about that.
notes:
I don't know if whether or not to ask Mum and Dad to see if they could lend the money to me.
-sounds a bit wordy. how about-
I don't know if I should ask Mum and Dad if they could lend me the money.
and here:
I've no idea if this is the only year they're going to run the course, or if they're going to run it again next year. That will give me some more time to save up, but I'm not sure I can take that risk.'
- I've no idea if they're going to run the course again next year. If so, that'll give me time to save. It's a risk. What should I do?'
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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This is a well written chapter. It maybe your MC talks a lot or not. But I was wondering about that.
notes:
I don't know if whether or not to ask Mum and Dad to see if they could lend the money to me.
-sounds a bit wordy. how about-
I don't know if I should ask Mum and Dad if they could lend me the money.
and here:
I've no idea if this is the only year they're going to run the course, or if they're going to run it again next year. That will give me some more time to save up, but I'm not sure I can take that risk.'
- I've no idea if they're going to run the course again next year. If so, that'll give me time to save. It's a risk. What should I do?'
Comment Written 02-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the six stars and for those points as well. I really appreciate it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
In a previous chapter, I got the opinion that William and Caz have some money. I am wondering if this is where Angela gets the money and then is indebted to them and therefore trouble starts. Anyway, I am liking this story.
which Hayley made me, is sitting on the table, (passive, try active, 'me, sets on the table)
If I did that I'm sure I would look back later on in life and regret it. (comma after 'that')
this as a good thing that I want to have a career. (you can omit 'that')
as I step through the patio doors, and into the kitchen (you can omit the comma)
'I know, that's the only thing,' I sigh. (period after 'thing', sigh isn't a speech tag)
'You're still working though aren't you, Angela?
(comma after 'though'
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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In a previous chapter, I got the opinion that William and Caz have some money. I am wondering if this is where Angela gets the money and then is indebted to them and therefore trouble starts. Anyway, I am liking this story.
which Hayley made me, is sitting on the table, (passive, try active, 'me, sets on the table)
If I did that I'm sure I would look back later on in life and regret it. (comma after 'that')
this as a good thing that I want to have a career. (you can omit 'that')
as I step through the patio doors, and into the kitchen (you can omit the comma)
'I know, that's the only thing,' I sigh. (period after 'thing', sigh isn't a speech tag)
'You're still working though aren't you, Angela?
(comma after 'though'
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Thank you Barbara.
Comment from karenina
What I find interesting here is the long history Angela seems to have of being needy, ill-prepared, and unfocused. You've demonstrated that very well both with her musings from her past and her current unreasonable expectations to have her parents make up for her lack of planning. I suspect these personality traits will play out as we learn more about her dealings with William, Caz, Michelle, et al.
"It's like their competing against each other" >> they're
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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What I find interesting here is the long history Angela seems to have of being needy, ill-prepared, and unfocused. You've demonstrated that very well both with her musings from her past and her current unreasonable expectations to have her parents make up for her lack of planning. I suspect these personality traits will play out as we learn more about her dealings with William, Caz, Michelle, et al.
"It's like their competing against each other" >> they're
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Thank you Karenina and for spotting that error as well.
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Such a tiny one! Glad to help...
Comment from BethShelby
I'm sure she regrets asking and turning herself into a ten year old and end getting turned down. I kind of side with her mom because it sounds like some of things my kids have hit me with that didn't work out anyway.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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I'm sure she regrets asking and turning herself into a ten year old and end getting turned down. I kind of side with her mom because it sounds like some of things my kids have hit me with that didn't work out anyway.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Thank you Beth.
Comment from namspoon
Not sure why - I seem to have gone through that before - with 4 sons, constantly changing their ambitions. All are still alive and working - and not in any of the professions they were interested in - Life and Loves got in the way.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Not sure why - I seem to have gone through that before - with 4 sons, constantly changing their ambitions. All are still alive and working - and not in any of the professions they were interested in - Life and Loves got in the way.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Thank you.