Falling Slowly
A young couple falls in love6 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Oh my is that ever romantic! Beautifully written! I like the script you chose in the background sets it off nicely! I'm pretty Sure that most women would love that! I see no grammar issues or a static issues at all. Is it great submission. Have a great evening!
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Oh my is that ever romantic! Beautifully written! I like the script you chose in the background sets it off nicely! I'm pretty Sure that most women would love that! I see no grammar issues or a static issues at all. Is it great submission. Have a great evening!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2023
Comment from BethShelby
You've used beautiful and romantic words in the rhyming love poem. I love the alliteration in lines like"
"Your gaze, a soft and silent spell,"
"In your arms, where dreams do dwell."
It should do well in the contest I love the idea of dancing where starlit rivers flow.
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You've used beautiful and romantic words in the rhyming love poem. I love the alliteration in lines like"
"Your gaze, a soft and silent spell,"
"In your arms, where dreams do dwell."
It should do well in the contest I love the idea of dancing where starlit rivers flow.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
Comment from karenina
Your words are heartfelt, Eugene... No question about that! I think this poem is tremendously enhanced by the attention given to an even syllable count. A poem doesn't necessarily have to be metrically perfect, but when the lines "read" evenly (particularly when read aloud) --there's an extra bit of magic that happens!
(I realize this is not mandatory for the contest, but as I read it aloud, I was impressed, just the same!)
Best of luck!
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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Your words are heartfelt, Eugene... No question about that! I think this poem is tremendously enhanced by the attention given to an even syllable count. A poem doesn't necessarily have to be metrically perfect, but when the lines "read" evenly (particularly when read aloud) --there's an extra bit of magic that happens!
(I realize this is not mandatory for the contest, but as I read it aloud, I was impressed, just the same!)
Best of luck!
Karenina
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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Karen,
Thank your for your helpful review. I've revised each stanzas syllable counts to four lines 8/8/8/8. I hope the meter reads and flows better.
All the best,
Eugene
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Nice! You still have one line that is nine syllables (aren't I a pest?)
"A symphony of two hearts, so bold."
(but you could drop the "so" easily if you were so inclined)
I truly do think it reads much more smoothly, especially out loud!
(I'll revise my review to omit mention of syllabic count)
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I think your thoughts will be well received. I sense the sincerity intended.
With that said though, the cadence (for me) has a few bumps that jolted me here and there. It may need a few more caresses for perfection. Good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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I think your thoughts will be well received. I sense the sincerity intended.
With that said though, the cadence (for me) has a few bumps that jolted me here and there. It may need a few more caresses for perfection. Good luck.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2023
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Tom,
Thank your for your helpful review. I've revised each stanzas syllable counts to four lines 8/8/8/8. I hope the meter reads and flows better.
All the best,
Eugene
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Well done
The latter is synced completely
Comment from Bryce 1
This is fantastic. Truly, a great poem. I felt the feelings and was able to transport the theatre in my mind to a showing of true romance. Well done and how did you do it?
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This is fantastic. Truly, a great poem. I felt the feelings and was able to transport the theatre in my mind to a showing of true romance. Well done and how did you do it?
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
Comment from patcelaw
This is a lovely rhyming poem for the contest. I enjoyed listening to a very much. I especially love the first line that you have in the poem. It is so poetic, and so nice to realize how words go together, so beautifully as they do in that first line. Patric.
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This is a lovely rhyming poem for the contest. I enjoyed listening to a very much. I especially love the first line that you have in the poem. It is so poetic, and so nice to realize how words go together, so beautifully as they do in that first line. Patric.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2023
