Me. Her. Him
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Me. Her. Him - Chapter 22"A hidden past, a devastating truth.
9 total reviews
Comment from leather
There are quite a few characters to absorb for this reading, so I'm grateful for the character list. The text is well-sized, which is something I appreciate. The only major thing that seemed like a hiccup was the term "shirts sticking" in the second paragraph. Perhaps rephrasing it to read 'shirt is sticking' would read smoother.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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There are quite a few characters to absorb for this reading, so I'm grateful for the character list. The text is well-sized, which is something I appreciate. The only major thing that seemed like a hiccup was the term "shirts sticking" in the second paragraph. Perhaps rephrasing it to read 'shirt is sticking' would read smoother.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Thank you. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Ok I'm going backwards having missed this chapter somehow. And, yes, I can see how the dynamics of the friendships are starting to be unraveled with Michelle very much seen as quite a dominant presence and Angela far more placatory. And we also have Caz coming into the picture. I think I'm just being a bit impatient (sorry) and would prefer a little more pace but that's my fault as opposed to yours because your mystery element remains a compelling force here for the reader. Thanks for sharing, Jacob. Debbie
PS Thank God we've got some sunshine here:))
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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Ok I'm going backwards having missed this chapter somehow. And, yes, I can see how the dynamics of the friendships are starting to be unraveled with Michelle very much seen as quite a dominant presence and Angela far more placatory. And we also have Caz coming into the picture. I think I'm just being a bit impatient (sorry) and would prefer a little more pace but that's my fault as opposed to yours because your mystery element remains a compelling force here for the reader. Thanks for sharing, Jacob. Debbie
PS Thank God we've got some sunshine here:))
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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Thank you Debbie, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Another find chapter in your story! Angela has a fair amount of former friends. I wonder went down for that to happen? I don't know you're the author of this mystery. I'm sure you'll elaborate more as the story goes on. Awesome job! Good job best of what hope you're having an awesome day!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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Another find chapter in your story! Angela has a fair amount of former friends. I wonder went down for that to happen? I don't know you're the author of this mystery. I'm sure you'll elaborate more as the story goes on. Awesome job! Good job best of what hope you're having an awesome day!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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Thank you Lea.
Comment from karenina
This is like slowly peeling back the layers of an onion. Always more to see and each exposure may elicit tears! Michelle comes off as quite the bully here, and by comparison, Angela seems (nearly) normal. And now! Caz is on the scene! This is getting better and better!
Karenina
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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This is like slowly peeling back the layers of an onion. Always more to see and each exposure may elicit tears! Michelle comes off as quite the bully here, and by comparison, Angela seems (nearly) normal. And now! Caz is on the scene! This is getting better and better!
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you Karenina.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Well now we are getting to it. You might try writing to some of the top novel writers about your story. I write short pieces. I wrote one almost novella when I first got here almost 9000 words, " I don't belong here anymore". People on here only like to read in bite-size chunks. But, I have no advice to give on structure. I can only tell you what I know from 65 years of reading. This just seems out of order. Karen
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Well now we are getting to it. You might try writing to some of the top novel writers about your story. I write short pieces. I wrote one almost novella when I first got here almost 9000 words, " I don't belong here anymore". People on here only like to read in bite-size chunks. But, I have no advice to give on structure. I can only tell you what I know from 65 years of reading. This just seems out of order. Karen
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There will sometimes be jealousies among young girls as a new interloper comes along and everyone is jostling for position within the group, it sounds like some trouble is stirring up here Jacob, a fine chapter, just a small edit here for you:
(There are (a) couple of boys standing a few feet away),
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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There will sometimes be jealousies among young girls as a new interloper comes along and everyone is jostling for position within the group, it sounds like some trouble is stirring up here Jacob, a fine chapter, just a small edit here for you:
(There are (a) couple of boys standing a few feet away),
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you Dolly.
Comment from BethShelby
I'm glad you're taking us back and letting see how Caz got into the picture. I'm learning some new things about both Michelle and Angela. Michelle doesn't come across as a person one would like. She seems jealous and selfish. This is showing Angela to be a friendly and outgoing person who wants harmony. I didn't really see her that way before.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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I'm glad you're taking us back and letting see how Caz got into the picture. I'm learning some new things about both Michelle and Angela. Michelle doesn't come across as a person one would like. She seems jealous and selfish. This is showing Angela to be a friendly and outgoing person who wants harmony. I didn't really see her that way before.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you Beth, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Your story keeps getting better as it flows along. I notice no mention of w
William in this chapter. Your dialogue is terrific and it gives the story more realism. Nice writing. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Your story keeps getting better as it flows along. I notice no mention of w
William in this chapter. Your dialogue is terrific and it gives the story more realism. Nice writing. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
It almost appears that Michelle and Caz know each other. I am wondering about their story and how it all fits together. I am liking this story.
I'm trying to kick the habit in, (not sure why 'in' is here, it can be deleted)
or I would sit next to them in class, so they didn't feel left out. (sit beside them)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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It almost appears that Michelle and Caz know each other. I am wondering about their story and how it all fits together. I am liking this story.
I'm trying to kick the habit in, (not sure why 'in' is here, it can be deleted)
or I would sit next to them in class, so they didn't feel left out. (sit beside them)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you Barbara.