Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The In-between "This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
15 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great progress. Keep it up. Just a couple glitches.
"Ok mom. Sorry we'll keep it down." E answered. - "Ok (or okay) Mom, (cap), Sorry, (comma) we'll keep it down, (comma) E answered.
"There's a few out there," She answered. - lower case 'she'
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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Great progress. Keep it up. Just a couple glitches.
"Ok mom. Sorry we'll keep it down." E answered. - "Ok (or okay) Mom, (cap), Sorry, (comma) we'll keep it down, (comma) E answered.
"There's a few out there," She answered. - lower case 'she'
Comment Written 04-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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Hi wing thank you! Once again, you amazed me with your eagle eye.You wouldn't happen to be an editor would you? Lol. Thank you again so much. I appreciate your words and your suggestion and all that you have to say. I hope that you're Thanksgiving was awesome too. Don't let the bed bugs bite!
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smiley face here
My wife edits me (I've picked up a little from her).
Comment from EILEEN LAW
Some of your stories blind me with the forgotten truth. Daily, hourly and by minutes these memories torture my emotions. They say - get past it - get over it - why cant you let it go? Because our childhood becomes part of the fabric of who we are? How much do you let go? How much do you keep? And in the keeping, are we also keeping the scars and in the scars the pain?
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Some of your stories blind me with the forgotten truth. Daily, hourly and by minutes these memories torture my emotions. They say - get past it - get over it - why cant you let it go? Because our childhood becomes part of the fabric of who we are? How much do you let go? How much do you keep? And in the keeping, are we also keeping the scars and in the scars the pain?
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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I understand memories and the feelings that go with it. I didn't have any room left in my head. Do I had to write it down the last? You're a liar, and the last you're a thief, pop the cork to my proverbial pen. Thank you for offering your thoughts and you're feeling.It's on the matter I concur! Thanks for the really great rating too. WowI hope that you and yours are well and you're having a great evening.Thanks again!
Comment from Tim Margetts
Another chapter in your book croses my screen Lea.
And it moves me the same as the last.
I was particularly impressed with the line
"Digital words splashing like rain inside my hard drive."
It's a line I wish I had written.
I did spot one error, I wasn't looking for them but this one slapped me as i read.
fresh green sent - should this be scent?
Tim x
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Another chapter in your book croses my screen Lea.
And it moves me the same as the last.
I was particularly impressed with the line
"Digital words splashing like rain inside my hard drive."
It's a line I wish I had written.
I did spot one error, I wasn't looking for them but this one slapped me as i read.
fresh green sent - should this be scent?
Tim x
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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You have a really good eye! Thank you very much! I went ahead and changed it! I'm glad you like my writing. That is my hope and my other hope even more. So that my message is clear to everyone out there.I want to convey a motion, but I don't want to convey the victim stance. Thank you for reading and writing and offering you really cool thoughts and the things that you like.That was a really good catch too I appreciate that more than anything. I hope your evening is grand!
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You are more than welcome Lea.
My evening was indeed good, as I hope yours also was.
I look forward to the next episode.
Tim x
Comment from Rick Gardner
If follow and feel your words, they hurt to read them at times but I know I must. I can honestly say I never even thought of hurting anybody or ant thing, sad you had to face this for a long time of your life.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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If follow and feel your words, they hurt to read them at times but I know I must. I can honestly say I never even thought of hurting anybody or ant thing, sad you had to face this for a long time of your life.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your compassion.
One of the big things in my life is being told. I was a liar all through growing up. All is an adult. We wanted us to believe in it mentally retarded, that we had false memory syndrome, which there's no such thing. I was too smart to buy that b s even as a kid. Writing help me get it out because I got sick and tired of it. After the whole life made out to be something.I wasn't thanks to abuse of parent. However, writing was the best thing I could have done the healthiest. Thing I could have done peeling the onion every time I write, take some of the power away. Thank you for reading along and for offering your kind comments. Thank you for your attention and for your time. I very much appreciate it.I hope that you're having a good evening!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a strong scene where you have definitely taken a stand and are not backing down.
Little fixes:
"But hey, I tried to help you out that's..." Then she saw the thunder in my face and her voice just tapered off.
I would try:
"But, hey, I tried to help you out. That's..." Then she saw the thunder in my face, and her voice just tapered off.
"Your gonna give me the cash you took using me," I said.
"You're gonna give me the cash you took by using me," I said.
"I was gonna give it to you anyway but you took..." Again her voiced tapered off.
"I was gonna give it to you anyway, but you took..." Again her voice tapered off.
Producing two hundred dollars she handed it over to me.
Put a comma after dollars.
"By rights you should only get one hundred after last nights fiasco."
"By rights, you should only get one hundred after last night's fiasco."
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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This is a strong scene where you have definitely taken a stand and are not backing down.
Little fixes:
"But hey, I tried to help you out that's..." Then she saw the thunder in my face and her voice just tapered off.
I would try:
"But, hey, I tried to help you out. That's..." Then she saw the thunder in my face, and her voice just tapered off.
"Your gonna give me the cash you took using me," I said.
"You're gonna give me the cash you took by using me," I said.
"I was gonna give it to you anyway but you took..." Again her voiced tapered off.
"I was gonna give it to you anyway, but you took..." Again her voice tapered off.
Producing two hundred dollars she handed it over to me.
Put a comma after dollars.
"By rights you should only get one hundred after last nights fiasco."
"By rights, you should only get one hundred after last night's fiasco."
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Excellent, I appreciate these fixes so very much. They're gold to me. Thank you so much! For reading, I'm always honored and pleased to receive it. Thank you again, have a great day!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
I'm so glad you stood up for yourself and realized that the path that E was leading you down was going to end in sorrow or worse. I'm pleased that you demanded the payment that was due you, though no amount of money can compensate you for what you went through. One has to wonder where people go when they're in a situation like you faced. In Anchorage there is Covenant House, ran by the Catholic church that takes in young people who are on the street, feeds them and gives them a place to stay. They even work with them to find jobs and a more permanent housing arrangement. I don't know what they do in Canada, though I thought it was basically a socialist country, so I would imagine there must be something available. Thanks for sharing gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Hello Lea,
I'm so glad you stood up for yourself and realized that the path that E was leading you down was going to end in sorrow or worse. I'm pleased that you demanded the payment that was due you, though no amount of money can compensate you for what you went through. One has to wonder where people go when they're in a situation like you faced. In Anchorage there is Covenant House, ran by the Catholic church that takes in young people who are on the street, feeds them and gives them a place to stay. They even work with them to find jobs and a more permanent housing arrangement. I don't know what they do in Canada, though I thought it was basically a socialist country, so I would imagine there must be something available. Thanks for sharing gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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They do today, but not a lot. At that time when were young. If there was I didn't know about it. Tom your compassion is amazing! Your insight even more so. Thank you for your review and fine rating! 😁
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
The dialogue is amazing here, Lea and I hope it's as cathartic for you as it is for your reader! I love the force of that anger coming out from you. You're fearless and I almost thought you were going to threaten to tell her mother about her activities. But you're not as mean as me:) You're back in the forest but not as invisible. You can see the beauty of nature (if not in people) and that's a good start to your turn-around. Some small edits: "I might have fallen asleep (?) their table; "The(re) was a large cedar standing sentin(e)l..."; "corroborates." Well done, Lea. Another great chapter! Love Debbie x
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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The dialogue is amazing here, Lea and I hope it's as cathartic for you as it is for your reader! I love the force of that anger coming out from you. You're fearless and I almost thought you were going to threaten to tell her mother about her activities. But you're not as mean as me:) You're back in the forest but not as invisible. You can see the beauty of nature (if not in people) and that's a good start to your turn-around. Some small edits: "I might have fallen asleep (?) their table; "The(re) was a large cedar standing sentin(e)l..."; "corroborates." Well done, Lea. Another great chapter! Love Debbie x
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you again my friend!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm glad you told E that you knew she was using you. I'm also glad you demanded the money she owed you and you left her house. Even though you have demonstrated strength, you are still young with a lot of life left to live and learn.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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I'm glad you told E that you knew she was using you. I'm also glad you demanded the money she owed you and you left her house. Even though you have demonstrated strength, you are still young with a lot of life left to live and learn.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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You are so very right about that! I was so unprepaired so stupid at that time. I'm lucky I've blundered my way through it. I thank you again for you're fine review and rating! Support of 24 which i'm very thankful for have a great night!
Comment from Chuck Keller
Another great, descriptive piece, Lea
I enjoy reading stories where I can almost smell the fragrances of the cedar and sense the surroundings as you describe them
Always a pleasure Kiddo
Thanks for sharing the journey
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Another great, descriptive piece, Lea
I enjoy reading stories where I can almost smell the fragrances of the cedar and sense the surroundings as you describe them
Always a pleasure Kiddo
Thanks for sharing the journey
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Hi Chuck! I hope you are well! Thank you so much for your review! Your kindness always shines through! Thank you again!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Again, thank you for sharing this story. It's important to share it. I am positive it will help others, as I know it's helping you to write it.
"It's ok mom. I just have a visitor," E said.
"Well keep it quiet in there, you know I need to rest," E's mom said.
"Ok mom. Sorry we'll keep it down," E answered. (WONDERFUL JOB WRITING DIALOGUE!!!!!)
There's a few out there," She answered (she)
I might not know much about anything but I know this crap makes me feel like shit." ( comma after 'anything,' not sure why there's quotation marks after 'shit')
I headed back to the park where i'd met the (I'd)
Drying me eyes, (Drying my eyes,)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Again, thank you for sharing this story. It's important to share it. I am positive it will help others, as I know it's helping you to write it.
"It's ok mom. I just have a visitor," E said.
"Well keep it quiet in there, you know I need to rest," E's mom said.
"Ok mom. Sorry we'll keep it down," E answered. (WONDERFUL JOB WRITING DIALOGUE!!!!!)
There's a few out there," She answered (she)
I might not know much about anything but I know this crap makes me feel like shit." ( comma after 'anything,' not sure why there's quotation marks after 'shit')
I headed back to the park where i'd met the (I'd)
Drying me eyes, (Drying my eyes,)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2023
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Thank you Barbara! Your amazing is always! I thank you for your edit suggestions and corrections. And they are very much like gold to me. And I am learning thanks to you I hope you're having a great night!