Unsettling Homecoming
My daughter unveils a disturbing problem20 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is a very poignant strong writing. I know this is
Listed as fiction but this type of thing goes on daily across the planet. Very sad.
I really thought this needed a six star rating, especially having taken the top spot on the podium.
Well done, Sir.
D
  |
This is a very poignant strong writing. I know this is
Listed as fiction but this type of thing goes on daily across the planet. Very sad.
I really thought this needed a six star rating, especially having taken the top spot on the podium.
Well done, Sir.
D
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
Comment from lyenochka
You told this story well. It's very typical of a child to re-enact something that they have experienced and the narrator/father took the right actions to protect his daughter. A well deserved win! Congratulations!!
 |
You told this story well. It's very typical of a child to re-enact something that they have experienced and the narrator/father took the right actions to protect his daughter. A well deserved win! Congratulations!!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2023
Comment from Brett Matthew West
If her mother calls her "a little bitch" sound the alarm! Something is certainly amiss that should not be. Children do tend to emulate what they experience.
He wasted no time in his decisive actions, did he?
|
If her mother calls her "a little bitch" sound the alarm! Something is certainly amiss that should not be. Children do tend to emulate what they experience.
He wasted no time in his decisive actions, did he?
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
Comment from Terry Broxson
Dang, this man didn't waste any time. Congratulations on winning the contest! I never had kids, but I have seen some parents who needed some swift justice. Well done. Terry.
|
Dang, this man didn't waste any time. Congratulations on winning the contest! I never had kids, but I have seen some parents who needed some swift justice. Well done. Terry.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Abuse can be very crucial to a child. If they see someone being abusive, they remember what they saw and heard, even if they are truly little. This is a good example of what alcohol can do to a person and their life. Like your story.
|
Abuse can be very crucial to a child. If they see someone being abusive, they remember what they saw and heard, even if they are truly little. This is a good example of what alcohol can do to a person and their life. Like your story.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Relieved that this is fiction. But it is sad to think this also happens in real life. The father's response was what ant reasonable, loving father would do.
|
Relieved that this is fiction. But it is sad to think this also happens in real life. The father's response was what ant reasonable, loving father would do.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Jacob1395
I liked how you managed to tell a complete story, but I felt as though there was a lot of action and emotion missing, so I didn't really engage in the characters and their situation. For me, if I was in the father's position, I would be trying to control my anger in front of my children, especially when he heard his daughter saying a swear word. Wouldn't he be feeling enraged to find out that his wife was potentially abusing their kids and scared? I didn't sense this at all from his dialogue either. I didn't feel what he was feeling when he discovered his wife was drunk and passed out, perhaps he would be terrified as well here, thinking that she was dead, even though he is disgusted with her. It seems that he's totally missed on what sort of a person his wife is like, is the reason being because he is away a lot on business? I think if you delved into his emotions more, and really helped us to see what was happening, as this does seem to be all telling, and not a lot of showing, this would really make the piece come alive.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
I liked how you managed to tell a complete story, but I felt as though there was a lot of action and emotion missing, so I didn't really engage in the characters and their situation. For me, if I was in the father's position, I would be trying to control my anger in front of my children, especially when he heard his daughter saying a swear word. Wouldn't he be feeling enraged to find out that his wife was potentially abusing their kids and scared? I didn't sense this at all from his dialogue either. I didn't feel what he was feeling when he discovered his wife was drunk and passed out, perhaps he would be terrified as well here, thinking that she was dead, even though he is disgusted with her. It seems that he's totally missed on what sort of a person his wife is like, is the reason being because he is away a lot on business? I think if you delved into his emotions more, and really helped us to see what was happening, as this does seem to be all telling, and not a lot of showing, this would really make the piece come alive.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Navada
This is such a confronting story but the thing that shines through for me is the responsible and loving behaviour of a father who dealt with the situation immediately and in the best interests of his child. Good luck for the contest.
|
This is such a confronting story but the thing that shines through for me is the responsible and loving behaviour of a father who dealt with the situation immediately and in the best interests of his child. Good luck for the contest.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from BethShelby
This is a well written although sad story. It is told in such a way it seems real, but I was happy to find that it is fiction. Children repeat what they hear so I wouldn't be at all surprised if a child said those words.
|
This is a well written although sad story. It is told in such a way it seems real, but I was happy to find that it is fiction. Children repeat what they hear so I wouldn't be at all surprised if a child said those words.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Quite a shocking story and, no doubt, relatable to a large number of partners. The scenario of a child being left alone while a lone parent is unconscious is too awful to contemplate. And your story vividly portrays the implications of neglect and verbal abuse in the child's play activity. There is also informative detail of how a situation of this kind should be dealt with without creating more trauma to the child. Well done in fulfilling the brief here and good luck! Debbie
|
Quite a shocking story and, no doubt, relatable to a large number of partners. The scenario of a child being left alone while a lone parent is unconscious is too awful to contemplate. And your story vividly portrays the implications of neglect and verbal abuse in the child's play activity. There is also informative detail of how a situation of this kind should be dealt with without creating more trauma to the child. Well done in fulfilling the brief here and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
