The Broker
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Mortgage"A demon requires fiscal advice
2 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I very much enjoyed the character descriptions that peppered this post. You managed to clearly distinguish your different entities. I look forward to seeing whether John actually got home, or whether he was shipped off somewhere else, with difficulties of finding his way to come.
SPAG propositions to consider:
to be fair, in the real word John had heard worse > to be fair, in the real world John had heard worse
Julius was starting to wander for the script > Julius was starting to wander from the script
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2023
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I very much enjoyed the character descriptions that peppered this post. You managed to clearly distinguish your different entities. I look forward to seeing whether John actually got home, or whether he was shipped off somewhere else, with difficulties of finding his way to come.
SPAG propositions to consider:
to be fair, in the real word John had heard worse > to be fair, in the real world John had heard worse
Julius was starting to wander for the script > Julius was starting to wander from the script
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2023
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Oops thanks for the spag. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is excellent work. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words and colorful imagery and dialogue that will draw in readers.
Best wishes,
Alex
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2023
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This is excellent work. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words and colorful imagery and dialogue that will draw in readers.
Best wishes,
Alex
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2023
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked it
