Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "The Fury Pt3"Biography/Supernatural
13 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
The hug you gave yourself after writing this was well deserved Lea. What a brute, and to think he was able to hide all that anger outside of the home, I find that amazing. You describe his brutality and his expressions well, but then, it's not something you are able to forget. Well done,
Lea.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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The hug you gave yourself after writing this was well deserved Lea. What a brute, and to think he was able to hide all that anger outside of the home, I find that amazing. You describe his brutality and his expressions well, but then, it's not something you are able to forget. Well done,
Lea.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
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Thank you Valda! You see things in a very clear way. And I appreciate that so much about you! I thank you for your compassion and your empathy and your fine rating too hope you have an awesome evening!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter sure has plenty of action and dialogue. I also learned a new word when I had to go look up 'miasma.' Even though it was a scary situation full of strong feelings, I could not help but smile at the idea of you swinging the broom handle back and forth followed by the stepfather calling you a "little witch." It sounds as if the sheer expenditure of energy caused you to faint at the end of this selection.
A suggestion:
Instead of: The small stretch of wood was a place where kids built forts, ran around with their dogs. Pick up Gardner snakes and frogs.
I would say:
The small stretch of wood was a place where kids built forts, ran around with their dogs, or picked up garter snakes and frogs.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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This chapter sure has plenty of action and dialogue. I also learned a new word when I had to go look up 'miasma.' Even though it was a scary situation full of strong feelings, I could not help but smile at the idea of you swinging the broom handle back and forth followed by the stepfather calling you a "little witch." It sounds as if the sheer expenditure of energy caused you to faint at the end of this selection.
A suggestion:
Instead of: The small stretch of wood was a place where kids built forts, ran around with their dogs. Pick up Gardner snakes and frogs.
I would say:
The small stretch of wood was a place where kids built forts, ran around with their dogs, or picked up garter snakes and frogs.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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Awesome, I'm going through the rewrite and looking through everyone's messages. And I'm going to do my best with it. Then we release it and try for publishing yes. Apparently a presentation or a package of how you think you're sorry would be useful and why it should exist. And so I will attempt to write something like that. We'll see we will see. I'll put it out there for folks to read too. Thank you my friend thank you always I appreciate you so much!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
I enjoyed everything that you wrote tonight, the way you described the clouds and rain, the feelings that you felt, and giving yourself a well deserved hug. You've had a most unpleasant, unusual life as a young person. It's one that no one should ever experience. Nothing goes to waste in God's economy though gal. You've got a story to tell, and it needs to be out there for people beyond Fan Story to read. I hope this turns into a book that many read. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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Hello Lea,
I enjoyed everything that you wrote tonight, the way you described the clouds and rain, the feelings that you felt, and giving yourself a well deserved hug. You've had a most unpleasant, unusual life as a young person. It's one that no one should ever experience. Nothing goes to waste in God's economy though gal. You've got a story to tell, and it needs to be out there for people beyond Fan Story to read. I hope this turns into a book that many read. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 14-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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Thank you again Tom following my email. I wanted to say I appreciate this so much!
Comment from JSD
Yay! That was exciting. Despite the pain. Just check your use of the word 'illiterate'. I think you want 'illustrate'. Once again the poem, the prologue, and the epilogue all add such rich levels to the writing. Brilliant. I wish you'd had time to pack clothes though!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Yay! That was exciting. Despite the pain. Just check your use of the word 'illiterate'. I think you want 'illustrate'. Once again the poem, the prologue, and the epilogue all add such rich levels to the writing. Brilliant. I wish you'd had time to pack clothes though!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Yeah cloths would have been good! It just seemed the right thing to do when I'm talking about. The seemed like I should be me now. And then her later. If that makes any sense. Thank you for the edit. I appreciate those so very much and appreciate you too. When you're fine with you, thank you!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Another stirring and disturbing chapter, as ever, excellently expressed, keeping your reader constantly at your side and willing you to break free from this dysfunctional setting! At last you do and I can almost sense that oxygen of life coursing through you. I worry about the impact of these horrendous memories that are still so vivid. And I hope these writes are giving you some release and, even, calm. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Another stirring and disturbing chapter, as ever, excellently expressed, keeping your reader constantly at your side and willing you to break free from this dysfunctional setting! At last you do and I can almost sense that oxygen of life coursing through you. I worry about the impact of these horrendous memories that are still so vivid. And I hope these writes are giving you some release and, even, calm. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 13-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Thank you again for this I appreciate it so much!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Simultaneously chilling and full of adrenaline. I could imagine every last second of this horrible nightmare-that-was-your-reality. I'm glad you escaped to the forest (again), but it's worrisome, nonetheless. Oy. I hope he has a heart attack and suffers a long, horrific death.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Simultaneously chilling and full of adrenaline. I could imagine every last second of this horrible nightmare-that-was-your-reality. I'm glad you escaped to the forest (again), but it's worrisome, nonetheless. Oy. I hope he has a heart attack and suffers a long, horrific death.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Yeah he actually had an embolism. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Rachel, you're so amazing. You follow with everyone of my chapters. I'd so appreciate you and your sage advice. Your wisdom and your insight amazing to me thank you!
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Damn. So he went fast? That's too bad.
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Lol
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I knew you'd like that one...
xo
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Did it at least happen in front of your mother?...
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Yes, it did actually they were out on one of the smaller islands out here called Bowen visiting my other aunt and Uncle and they were in there trailer behind. They were going to bed. And he told her that he had to pee. Should I just pee right here or just p*** out the door then start it to laugh. And had his aneurysm and died right there.
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So he died wetting himself. That's symbolic. It feels like G-d saying, "Piss on you." So, his last act on earth was one of humiliating himself in front of a woman for whom he was a pet puppy. So perfect, really, isn't it?
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I would have liked to club them a few times before that. But absolutely yes I agree!
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Same.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I held my breath. It felt as though my heart stopped beating as I read. Your use of short sentences as you described the fight, added a feeling of moving action to the story. It helped the reader FEEL what was happening.
Examples of your action style of writing.
I dropped down to all fours and shot past his hip as fast as I could.
I could not have stopped the momentum.
If I stopped, I was dead.
I got the door opened in the split second I had ahead of him.
He could not catch me.
Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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I held my breath. It felt as though my heart stopped beating as I read. Your use of short sentences as you described the fight, added a feeling of moving action to the story. It helped the reader FEEL what was happening.
Examples of your action style of writing.
I dropped down to all fours and shot past his hip as fast as I could.
I could not have stopped the momentum.
If I stopped, I was dead.
I got the door opened in the split second I had ahead of him.
He could not catch me.
Well done.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it yeah, I tried to convey speed and it seemed to have worked. I thank you for picking up on that too. You're so smart. I'm gonna pick up on everything, and you'ri'm so very compassionate. Thank you so much for your kind radio game I appreciate you so much!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Lea, at least you got away from your horrible stepfather. It took some fighting but I hope this will be for good.
A friends house should be friend's house. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Hi Lea, at least you got away from your horrible stepfather. It took some fighting but I hope this will be for good.
A friends house should be friend's house. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Thank you Ulla. You always give kind reviews and say it as plainly and as and it's possible so thank you so much for reading and I appreciate you and your smiles, and you're really nice name. It's cool by the way thank you so much!
Comment from Jim Wile
You did it, Lea! You escaped from the monster. What amazing courage it took for you to stand up to him, armed with nothing more than a broom, and yet, you beat him in the end. He didn't get his way this time; you did.
I hope this is the end of your dealings with him and that you never have to be in his presence again. You never speak of him in the present like you do your mother, so I'm assuming he is dead now. Let's hope it was a protracted, painful death before he finally descended to hell where he belongs for eternity.
This was beautifully written with your poem at the beginning as well as your concluding remarks but also your account of the action in the past. It was riveting. Terrific job. - Jim
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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You did it, Lea! You escaped from the monster. What amazing courage it took for you to stand up to him, armed with nothing more than a broom, and yet, you beat him in the end. He didn't get his way this time; you did.
I hope this is the end of your dealings with him and that you never have to be in his presence again. You never speak of him in the present like you do your mother, so I'm assuming he is dead now. Let's hope it was a protracted, painful death before he finally descended to hell where he belongs for eternity.
This was beautifully written with your poem at the beginning as well as your concluding remarks but also your account of the action in the past. It was riveting. Terrific job. - Jim
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Follow-up to my email. I wish to thank you again my friend. I hope you have a fabulous night!
Comment from damommy
He had to be insane! They both were soulless. How could they do that to you. I'm hoping the sister left will eventually get away of his wrath with target her.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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He had to be insane! They both were soulless. How could they do that to you. I'm hoping the sister left will eventually get away of his wrath with target her.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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My sister Was gone by the time I left. My mother shipped her out to the valley to stay with my aunt in law luckily she's a decent lady. And yes, completely nuts, they both were. We didn't know there was no way to please them. We didn't know they didn't want us around. Although we felt like it or kids, what do we know. Thank you again for reading. I still appreciate you and I very happy when I see you, thank you very much. Have a great night!