Me. Her. Him
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Me. Her. Him - Chapter Nine "A hidden past, a devastating truth.
10 total reviews
Comment from Janis M.
This William sure is infuriating. He reminds me of every narcissist that I've met, luckily it's only been a few. He is deceptively charming. The mysterious woman is also a good dynamic
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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This William sure is infuriating. He reminds me of every narcissist that I've met, luckily it's only been a few. He is deceptively charming. The mysterious woman is also a good dynamic
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2023
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Thank you Janis.
Comment from BethShelby
This seems strange that these people who apparently knew each other well ane had something go down that was so tramatic for Angela, they could both act as if they have just met for the first time. Is is possible he isn't acting and he really doesn't know he has known her before?
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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This seems strange that these people who apparently knew each other well ane had something go down that was so tramatic for Angela, they could both act as if they have just met for the first time. Is is possible he isn't acting and he really doesn't know he has known her before?
Comment Written 08-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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Thank you Beth, I'm pleased that you're enjoying it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
So the two of them know each other and they are pretending they don't? They both sound pretty convincing in this dialogue Jacob as the plot thickens. Another fine chapter in your story and I was entertained, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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So the two of them know each other and they are pretending they don't? They both sound pretty convincing in this dialogue Jacob as the plot thickens. Another fine chapter in your story and I was entertained, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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Thank you Dolly, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from karenina
Caz in the car? (As you see I'm taking a stab in the dark!)
You are annoyingly good at keeping the mystery!
At this stage you wouldn't offer that THIS wasn't William at all...would you?
This is now a full fledged psychological mystery novel...
And I?
Need a drink!
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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Caz in the car? (As you see I'm taking a stab in the dark!)
You are annoyingly good at keeping the mystery!
At this stage you wouldn't offer that THIS wasn't William at all...would you?
This is now a full fledged psychological mystery novel...
And I?
Need a drink!
Karenina
Comment Written 08-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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Thank you Karenina, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
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Do you plan on publishing it?
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Hopefully. I would like to try and get it traditionally published, if that's possible, but that might take a long time.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
My big brain thinks she's gonna crack, do him harm, or try too, and then she ill find out, William is not the man rhat hurt her all those years ago. It feels like an old Twilight Zone or something. Very well done. Building the suspense. I want more. Karen
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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My big brain thinks she's gonna crack, do him harm, or try too, and then she ill find out, William is not the man rhat hurt her all those years ago. It feels like an old Twilight Zone or something. Very well done. Building the suspense. I want more. Karen
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you Karen, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Does William not know or is he playing Angela? I can't decide. The who is the women he's with after work? There are so many questions, I can't wait to get answers too. Thank you for sharing this with us. It's a good story.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Does William not know or is he playing Angela? I can't decide. The who is the women he's with after work? There are so many questions, I can't wait to get answers too. Thank you for sharing this with us. It's a good story.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you Barbara, I'm glad that you'r enjoying it.
Comment from Daylily
You have written a good chapter with inner thoughts developing the lead character as an interesting individual. However, following are a few things you might want to consider that would elevate the technical aspects regarding the telling of this story:
Re:
I keep checking her Facebook profile every day to see if she's still posting on there, I've given up all hope now of her getting in contact with me, she's leaving me in the dark, part of me doesn't blame her for not wanting to get in contact.
-- Using so many run-ons throughout the story tends to crowd the message flow in a reader's mind.
'Oh, about five years now,' I say, as we cross the reception (--area?
room?) towards the lift, I should've taken the stairs instead, I'm going to be stuck in an enclosed space with him. Breathe.
I suppose its (--it's or it is) first day nerves. I'm not normally this clumsy.'
-- For a more professional presentation, think about eliminating some of the many contractions being used.
'Things haven't been too mad (--bad?) then for you, have they?'
'Yes I know what you mean, I gave up working in the city when I was in my twenties,' I say.
-- Using punctuation in several places would greatly benefit the sentence flow.
For example: 'Yes, I know what you mean. I gave up working in the city when I was in my twenties,' I say.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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You have written a good chapter with inner thoughts developing the lead character as an interesting individual. However, following are a few things you might want to consider that would elevate the technical aspects regarding the telling of this story:
Re:
I keep checking her Facebook profile every day to see if she's still posting on there, I've given up all hope now of her getting in contact with me, she's leaving me in the dark, part of me doesn't blame her for not wanting to get in contact.
-- Using so many run-ons throughout the story tends to crowd the message flow in a reader's mind.
'Oh, about five years now,' I say, as we cross the reception (--area?
room?) towards the lift, I should've taken the stairs instead, I'm going to be stuck in an enclosed space with him. Breathe.
I suppose its (--it's or it is) first day nerves. I'm not normally this clumsy.'
-- For a more professional presentation, think about eliminating some of the many contractions being used.
'Things haven't been too mad (--bad?) then for you, have they?'
'Yes I know what you mean, I gave up working in the city when I was in my twenties,' I say.
-- Using punctuation in several places would greatly benefit the sentence flow.
For example: 'Yes, I know what you mean. I gave up working in the city when I was in my twenties,' I say.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the detailed review, I''m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from royowen
A good effort with this episode, who is that dark haired woman in the car with William, who is smiling effusively, is she his wife? But certainly someone that's well known, beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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A good effort with this episode, who is that dark haired woman in the car with William, who is smiling effusively, is she his wife? But certainly someone that's well known, beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you Roy.
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Well done
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. If this is the William she knows, I wonder why he does not recognize her. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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This is another excellent chapter. If this is the William she knows, I wonder why he does not recognize her. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Wonderful writing. You are a master at creating suspense and keeping it going until the end of the chapter. It's that kind of writing that makes a reader want to continue reading. Nice work.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Wonderful writing. You are a master at creating suspense and keeping it going until the end of the chapter. It's that kind of writing that makes a reader want to continue reading. Nice work.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.