Railway Ruckus
Etheree13 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I really like this! You've got such a great rhythm into this challenging verse, enhanced by assured rhyming and even internal rhyme. The great thing is you make me feel as if I'm on that train. It reminded me of Robert Louis Stephenson's. Excellently done and a strong contender! Debbie
Faster than fairies, faster than witches,
Bridges and houses, hedges and ditches;
And charging along like troops in a battle,
All through the meadows the horses and cattle:
All of the sights of the hill and the plain
Fly as thick as driving rain;
And ever again, in the wink of an eye,
Painted stations whistle by.
Here is a child who clambers and scrambles,
All by himself and gathering brambles;
Here is a tramp who stands and gazes;
And there is the green for stringing the daisies!
Here is a cart run away in the road
Lumping along with man and load;
And here is a mill and there is a river:
Each a glimpse and gone for ever!
  |
I really like this! You've got such a great rhythm into this challenging verse, enhanced by assured rhyming and even internal rhyme. The great thing is you make me feel as if I'm on that train. It reminded me of Robert Louis Stephenson's. Excellently done and a strong contender! Debbie
Faster than fairies, faster than witches,
Bridges and houses, hedges and ditches;
And charging along like troops in a battle,
All through the meadows the horses and cattle:
All of the sights of the hill and the plain
Fly as thick as driving rain;
And ever again, in the wink of an eye,
Painted stations whistle by.
Here is a child who clambers and scrambles,
All by himself and gathering brambles;
Here is a tramp who stands and gazes;
And there is the green for stringing the daisies!
Here is a cart run away in the road
Lumping along with man and load;
And here is a mill and there is a river:
Each a glimpse and gone for ever!
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
Comment from Cathy M
My husband worked for the railway over forty years, and he loved the sound of a train car as it passed. He could tell within a car or two which one had bad brakes. It's what he did.
|
My husband worked for the railway over forty years, and he loved the sound of a train car as it passed. He could tell within a car or two which one had bad brakes. It's what he did.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2023
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This is very well done. What a great start you are up to! Might I suggest you submit to train collector magazines and railroad ones as well, I bet you would get snatched right up. Good clear writing, we are there with you. Karen
|
This is very well done. What a great start you are up to! Might I suggest you submit to train collector magazines and railroad ones as well, I bet you would get snatched right up. Good clear writing, we are there with you. Karen
Comment Written 17-Nov-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow, have you ever nailed this art form!! It is full of every sense possible and evokes a feeling of being jangled to the core...exactly like the station it's describing. Exceptional job with this entry! I hope it serves you well at the polls. xo
|
Wow, have you ever nailed this art form!! It is full of every sense possible and evokes a feeling of being jangled to the core...exactly like the station it's describing. Exceptional job with this entry! I hope it serves you well at the polls. xo
Comment Written 13-Nov-2023
Comment from Chrysanthemum.
I really love the old western feeling in this poem. It really puts the reader in the setting. I can almost hear that train whistle and feel the wind blowing dust!
|
I really love the old western feeling in this poem. It really puts the reader in the setting. I can almost hear that train whistle and feel the wind blowing dust!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
Comment from Navada
I could have guessed you were Australian-born when I read the line "Movement at the station"! I liked your imagery here, particularly the lines "Ticket punching, bodies bunching" with its internal rhyme and "Railway tracks rattling a fond adieu" with its personification. Lovely writing - good luck for the contest!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
|
I could have guessed you were Australian-born when I read the line "Movement at the station"! I liked your imagery here, particularly the lines "Ticket punching, bodies bunching" with its internal rhyme and "Railway tracks rattling a fond adieu" with its personification. Lovely writing - good luck for the contest!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
-
I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that. Something only an Aussie would know I guess. Glad you enjoyed the poem.
Geoff
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a good etheree poem for the contest. All syllables are in check to relay a scene of activity, noise and motion. A very good descriptive piece accompanied by a great picture of an old looking train. If I were to make any comment it would be on the punctuation. You have used two full stops and that's where the train stops. Maybe don't use them. Just food for thought. Best of luck in the competition.
|
This is a good etheree poem for the contest. All syllables are in check to relay a scene of activity, noise and motion. A very good descriptive piece accompanied by a great picture of an old looking train. If I were to make any comment it would be on the punctuation. You have used two full stops and that's where the train stops. Maybe don't use them. Just food for thought. Best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2023
Comment from Tom Horonzy
This takes me back when I was a lad of twelve. My dad was a railroader, and the sounds depicted with your piece, along with the photo has me reminiscence days of old - fondly.
 |
This takes me back when I was a lad of twelve. My dad was a railroader, and the sounds depicted with your piece, along with the photo has me reminiscence days of old - fondly.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2023
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
The imagery and sensory words you use, bring this poem to life. A reader can become part of the poem. Your presentation is very appealing and supports your poem, well. I enjoyed reading this!
Best wishes,
Alexandra
|
The imagery and sensory words you use, bring this poem to life. A reader can become part of the poem. Your presentation is very appealing and supports your poem, well. I enjoyed reading this!
Best wishes,
Alexandra
Comment Written 04-Nov-2023
Comment from Chuck Keller
Nice imagery and description of the beginning of a train journey.
I could hear the sounds and see the masses boarding.
You've done a great job with this one.
Thank YOU for letting us ride along.
|
Nice imagery and description of the beginning of a train journey.
I could hear the sounds and see the masses boarding.
You've done a great job with this one.
Thank YOU for letting us ride along.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2023