Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I noticed her name began with A and her last name began with P. That was a BIG clue - you practically hit the reader on the head with it. But I wish the guys had a prototype of the suit for Allie to try. That would have made the decision easy.
You give a lot of realism like the venture capitalist details but you also balance it with the uncanny resemblance of Allie to the other heroines to keep it interesting.

 Comment Written 03-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023

I'll think about having Abby send them one of her prototypes for Allie to try out. Good thought.

I've got one more surprise coming, and I'll be really impressed if you guess this one, Helen.

reply by lyenochka on 03-Nov-2023

Hmm. Does Mr. Calvin return?

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

The resemblance between Allie Payton and the young women from the past is a neat addition. Even their names are alike. I understand about venture capital and strongly suspect they have their backing they need. I am impressed by how you never have any spelling or word mistakes, especially as I read a story today where a writer had tried to write using voice writing. That was a disaster and I told him that. Guess he forgot to proofread it before putting it up.

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023

Although my spelling and grammar skills are pretty good, I must confess that I put all my writing through a grammar checker while editing it. It catches a lot, although less than it used to. I'm learning from it.

Comment from JSD

Excellent

Good surprise in there that can only bode well. Great idea. And the 'venture' progresses nicely. Really intriguing and exciting. Well done in writing another excellent episode.

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

Thanks so much, John. Just one more major surprise to go before we begin to wrap things up.

Comment from lancellot

Exceptional

It seems the wheels of fate continue to thread its way through your characters' lives. I think saying they play golf with a dead man weeks ago, may come back to bite them. It would in a normal sense, if research is done. I still wonder how a sim would revive the actual game of golf. Also, golf is communal, so can more than one play this virtual sim?

notes:

I made an appointment with Ronald Payton himself, the president of the company, at 9:00 AM {tomorrow.}

I made an appointment with Ronald Payton himself, the president of the company, at 9:00 AM that Friday.

-This avoids tense issues with tomorrow.

That's all that stood out to me. The writing and editing seemed spot on.
Good work.

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

That "dead man" has one more role to play, so we'll see.

The goal of the simulator is to be so realistic that you'll think you're on a real golf course. Of course, people will know they're playing in a simulator, but hopefully will appreciate how life-like it seems to be. It will allow up to 8 players to play together and be able to keep track of everyone's shots and score.

Thanks for your 6 star review, Lance, and your good suggestion about the time.

Comment from Lea Tonin1

Excellent

Well, well, look at that, you got some funding possibly and youve got an interesting Ms Payten there as well. This should make things interesting. What about a hybrid simulator that's actually evil. And it goes around taking out golfers, LOL. I'm just kidding of course. I like this and that's always it's very well written you have quite a talent, you really paint the picture well I can see in my head the whole movie playing out. That's always your grammatically perfect, and you use descriptive words. While strung together, creating a nice and cool story! Well done hope you have a great night!

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023

Thanks so much, Lea. I always enjoy your positive reviews! There are just 3 chapters left in the story. I'm going to be sad when it's done.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I wonder if you and I have similar ancestors, and if we went back we discovered they were successful, or like us, wannabes? It would be an interesting theory to follow up, but God doesn't make clones, there would be differences, beautifully written, Jim, well done blessings Roy

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

For some reason my review didn't save. Not sure what's going on. I am surprised that Allie Payton resembles the previous ladies. I'm sure that's a sign that everything will work out for our friends. I can't imagine it won't.

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023

Good instincts, Barbara. One more surprise to come, and we should have the whole picture.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Good description of Mr. Payton; I especially liked a bushy mustache over a ready smile. It tells us he's enthusiastic about the meeting.

As soon as I saw the name "Allie", I knew where you were going with her. The "A" girls:-)

Thanks for the explanation of venture capitalism instead of just stating you were trying to find funds that way and leaving us to wonder what that meant.

I see romance in the future for a certain "A" girl and Kevin:-)

xo
Pam

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023

Oh, no. Not another "A" girl! One more surprise coming up on Friday, and then maybe we'll see the reason for all these ''A" girls.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Oh-oh. It sounds as if another book is in the works.
Tell me, are the people pictured friends, relatives and are they supposed to be the characters noted in your ... notes?

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023

Yes. Top left-Kevin. Top right-Paul. Bottom left-Ernie. Bottom right-Allie. Just my mental picture of what these characters look like.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I love the way you bring these strands of character back into your story. That is quite some coincidence with Allie which provides great cohesion. Also the pitch is so compelling, I would have invested in the project myself. A faultlessly expressed story and dialogue here, moving the story on with engaging pace and momentum. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Debbie

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 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023

Thanks so much, Debbie. The coincidence with Allie goes even further than you might think, as you will soon find out!