Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "No body's Child"Biography/Supernatural
16 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Some people should not be parents and these two fall into that category. Very visual descriptions of the effect going back home had on you and your sister. Good writing Lea and so emotional for you.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Some people should not be parents and these two fall into that category. Very visual descriptions of the effect going back home had on you and your sister. Good writing Lea and so emotional for you.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Thank you again my friend Valda! You're absolutely right some people shouldn't be parents never should be parents. Thank you for reading again. I'm happy to see you here and for hanging in there with me. I probably said it before, but I have to repeat myself. Thanks so much for your fine review and rating hope your evening is amazing!
Comment from Lordinajamjar
This brought tears to my eyes. For I as a loving grandfather and father can think of no greater crime and betrayal than to abuse ones own children.
It's goes against nature. Love flows naturally I curse those who deliberately choose to dam the flow and I damn them to hell.
You are a brave and brilliant writer. Stay strong.
John
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2023
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This brought tears to my eyes. For I as a loving grandfather and father can think of no greater crime and betrayal than to abuse ones own children.
It's goes against nature. Love flows naturally I curse those who deliberately choose to dam the flow and I damn them to hell.
You are a brave and brilliant writer. Stay strong.
John
Comment Written 06-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2023
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Thank you again john i'm so pleased to receive it!
Comment from evilynne
What way to treat the children God has entrusted to these people. Your tale is heart wrenching and well written. I am sorry that I have no sixers at this time. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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What way to treat the children God has entrusted to these people. Your tale is heart wrenching and well written. I am sorry that I have no sixers at this time. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
Comment Written 04-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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Thank you Evi I appreciate your compassion and kinds words! Thank you for reading. I appreciate it some of that can be hard to read I know. So i'm especially thankful when you and your brothers do thanks again enjoy your day!
Comment from T B Botts
Oh my Lea,
I think that if it had been me, I would have had to have gone to the cops. If not the local police, then the state police or even the FBI. This guy is a friggin' monster. He wasn't stopped at the time, but he needs to pay for what he did to you girls. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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Oh my Lea,
I think that if it had been me, I would have had to have gone to the cops. If not the local police, then the state police or even the FBI. This guy is a friggin' monster. He wasn't stopped at the time, but he needs to pay for what he did to you girls. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 02-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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Thank you Tom in a perfect world I wish it was so. My parents never had to pay for what they did. Because we had higher up people within social services. These people were able to deflect delay, deter, or completely eradicate any notion, notion of some abuse or neglect of any kind from our home. So my grandmother intervened on purpose to stop that from happening. She had the power to do so. it goes very deep this subject, I'm not sure how deep yet. But the proof has come to me. And I have boxes of paperwork to read. And I'm told not to read them alone. So I'm probably going to sit down with my sister. She ordered her own. It will be so much difficult. I think because there'll be more surprises. I mean, what could be worse than knowing your parents, for all intents and purposes, tried to do away with us. Thank you Tom, I appreciate you as always. I gotta sound like a broken record and probably do already. But I must continue to show my appreciation. Thanks again, have a great day!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is authentic and deep and feelings from such difficult times as you've lived through, are not easy to convey. They also take a toll on a person who is bravely writing about it. Keep your self care first and keep on sharing!
Alex x
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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This is authentic and deep and feelings from such difficult times as you've lived through, are not easy to convey. They also take a toll on a person who is bravely writing about it. Keep your self care first and keep on sharing!
Alex x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2023
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Thank you again my friend for your great rating. I appreciate this so very much, appreciate you hanging in there. With I hope your day is amazing, thanks again!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter explains how determination fueled by anger seems to have got you through the next part of your life after only half-honest respite at Oma's house. I don't think withholding food for extended times should ever be used as discipline on children. It's a prisoner of war tactic.
A reminder that it is helpful to the reader when editing to use commas and periods to separate dependent and independent clauses, as well as series of verbs or actions. Here is where I noticed they would be really helpful:
Standing in front of him we waited.
I would put a comma after him.
He sighed dropped his newspaper and looked up.
You have three verbs here. I would put a comma after sighed and after newspaper.
"What are you standing there for? You're not here for summer vacation you know, get to work."
Last sentence is a run-on. Maybe try: You're not here for summer vacation, you know. Get to work."
He got up from his chair distended his middle knuckle and punched me in the head.
You have three verbs here again. I would put a comma after chair and after knuckle.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023
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This chapter explains how determination fueled by anger seems to have got you through the next part of your life after only half-honest respite at Oma's house. I don't think withholding food for extended times should ever be used as discipline on children. It's a prisoner of war tactic.
A reminder that it is helpful to the reader when editing to use commas and periods to separate dependent and independent clauses, as well as series of verbs or actions. Here is where I noticed they would be really helpful:
Standing in front of him we waited.
I would put a comma after him.
He sighed dropped his newspaper and looked up.
You have three verbs here. I would put a comma after sighed and after newspaper.
"What are you standing there for? You're not here for summer vacation you know, get to work."
Last sentence is a run-on. Maybe try: You're not here for summer vacation, you know. Get to work."
He got up from his chair distended his middle knuckle and punched me in the head.
You have three verbs here again. I would put a comma after chair and after knuckle.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023
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Thank you so much for your awesome Eye and for your suggested edit. I shall go ahead and get on that right? Appreciate you reading too high and in there with me on this journey. So support has been really valuable. Never thought I would see that so you know you're well appreciated. I hope you have a great night too, thanks again!
Comment from damommy
omigosh! How did I miss this one? It's one of the worst episodes I've ever heard of. It's a miracle you two lived through this, even though I'm sure none of you came out without issues.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023
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omigosh! How did I miss this one? It's one of the worst episodes I've ever heard of. It's a miracle you two lived through this, even though I'm sure none of you came out without issues.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023
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We didn't come out unscathed that's for sure but we certainly have a grip on who's who and what's what. More things to follow most. Definitely. The pressure Heats up for me personally. So many trying to get me to stop while I will not stop. I will keep writing. Thank you so much for reading I appreciate you hanging in there with me, And for your review and comments I appreciate so much have a great night!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess you could have imagined the welcoming or lack there of, but we have a way of holding onto hope for change. But in reality, we know it never comes. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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I guess you could have imagined the welcoming or lack there of, but we have a way of holding onto hope for change. But in reality, we know it never comes. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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Thank you again my friend. I appreciate your fine review and your kind of rating. May the force be with you, LOL.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Some edits for you on this exceptional chapter:
took my sister's bag and noticed her hands were cold and clammy. *these aren't commodities that can be 'noticed.' They have to be felt. Maybe:Before I took my sister's bag, I squeezed her hands and felt that they were cold and clammy."?*
me nodded and walked slowly over to Opa's car.*DOUBLE SPACE HERE TO MAKE A NEW PARAGRAPH.*
Both of us were fidgeting in our seats*,* knees bouncing, looking around*,* our faces pinched, eyes shining with fear.
Perhaps it's better for her that way *,* to retreat
She never did fully come back after that. *No space here*
Parts of her remain lost in her mind.**Double space here for new paragraph.*
deeper my rage burned. *No space here*
That rage kept me from following my sister and slipping away too. A stubborn *'something'* inside me still had its middle finger up. Such a nice finger. *Double-space here for new paragraph here*
Down the stairs, we went into our old room ***I remember your room as being in the attic. Was your original room in the basement, but then he moved you upstairs to punish you? Somehow, let us know the downstairs/upstairs change.***
Down the stairs, we went into our old room and put our stuff away. I stood *[up]DELETE THE WORD UP* with my sister and knew we had to get up there for orders. **No space here** Standing in front of him*,* we waited. He sighed*,* dropped his newspaper and looked up. **Double space for new paragraph.**
"What are you standing there for? You're not here for summer vacation you know*. G*et to work." *Double space for new paragraph*
He got up from his chair*,* distended his middle knuckle and punched me in the head. *no space here* "Don't get smart with me! You know damn well what the chores are!" *double space for new paragraph*
And my mother*? G*one as usual. *Double-space for new paragraph*
I started the wash*,* and as I did*,* I considered patricide. I could understand very well how a child could be driven to such a thing. *no space here* I had visions of him begging for his life while I held a knife to his throat. But wanting a thing and doing a thing for me would not connect*,* and knew I could never do it. *Double-space for new paragraph*
I spent the next two days in that basement doing nothing but laundry. *no space here* It didn't take too long before the starvation punishment was re-introduced. My sister didn't put something away in the right spot. *no space here* No supper, but he didn't stop there. No, *this time,* he went *to [and got] DELETE 'AND GOT'* McDonald's for take-out*, and, putting it on the kitchen table, *forced* [made]DELETE 'MADE'* her sit down on the floor and *[forced her to] DELETE 'FORCED HER TO* watch us eat. *no space here* The cruelty, the mind games, the name-calling, and the punching all started up *as if we'd never been away.* [ DELETE:like it never went away.] *Double-space for new paragraph.*
I had a new hatred* now, though,* toward*[s] delete the s* my mother. *It was a* long time coming*,* I think. Her indifference, *h*er lack of maternal instincts, *h*er narcissism and selfishness*[,] DELETE COMMA* and *h*er willingness to throw us to the wolves without even looking back. *no space here* But most of all*, I hated her for* her failure to protect us *and that s*he was al*ways* armed with a boatload of excuses for why her children were bad. *Double space for new paragraph*
*It pains me so much to say this, but I actually* hate her more now than I ever did. *Double space for new paragraph.*
They called themselves human. I called them monsters with a human guise. *Double space for new paragraph*
We deteriorated fast. Weight loss, haunted eyes*, terror for breakfast lunch and dinner.* *Double space for new paragraph.
"I've got to get us out...*and* quickly." I thought. "He's *[slowly] DELETE THE WORD 'SLOWLY' because just two lines ago, you wrote that you were deteriorating fast* killing us" *Double-space for new paragraph.
*It was obvious that m*y mother and my stepfather *had*[ve] decided *that* they liked it better without kids in the house and we*[']* DELETE apostrophe*re diligently making plans to get rid of us.
************************
I'm thinking when you copy-and-pasted, your formatting didn't do its job. I've had that happen before, too, with this FS system. So that's why this edit is so long, and I apologize for that. But it was like once I got started, I didn't want to do a half-assed job of it and make it confusing as to when to start a new paragraph by double-spacing.
Your spags are VERY few, but it just seems like there's a lot of them because of the spacing notes I made here. Next time you copy-and-paste, you might have to go through and manually make the text have paragraphs. It's such a drag, I know, because, as I said, I've had to do it many times, too. FS isn't exactly cutting edge when it comes to technology!!
Another super duper chapter, though. Full of such horror for you...and fury for us, the grown-ups who are sitting here reading about it, after the fact, when it's too late to do anything for you but cry. I keep hearing your mom's words from earlier this week, "You made me look bad." As if she needed help with that!! Fuck.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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Some edits for you on this exceptional chapter:
took my sister's bag and noticed her hands were cold and clammy. *these aren't commodities that can be 'noticed.' They have to be felt. Maybe:Before I took my sister's bag, I squeezed her hands and felt that they were cold and clammy."?*
me nodded and walked slowly over to Opa's car.*DOUBLE SPACE HERE TO MAKE A NEW PARAGRAPH.*
Both of us were fidgeting in our seats*,* knees bouncing, looking around*,* our faces pinched, eyes shining with fear.
Perhaps it's better for her that way *,* to retreat
She never did fully come back after that. *No space here*
Parts of her remain lost in her mind.**Double space here for new paragraph.*
deeper my rage burned. *No space here*
That rage kept me from following my sister and slipping away too. A stubborn *'something'* inside me still had its middle finger up. Such a nice finger. *Double-space here for new paragraph here*
Down the stairs, we went into our old room ***I remember your room as being in the attic. Was your original room in the basement, but then he moved you upstairs to punish you? Somehow, let us know the downstairs/upstairs change.***
Down the stairs, we went into our old room and put our stuff away. I stood *[up]DELETE THE WORD UP* with my sister and knew we had to get up there for orders. **No space here** Standing in front of him*,* we waited. He sighed*,* dropped his newspaper and looked up. **Double space for new paragraph.**
"What are you standing there for? You're not here for summer vacation you know*. G*et to work." *Double space for new paragraph*
He got up from his chair*,* distended his middle knuckle and punched me in the head. *no space here* "Don't get smart with me! You know damn well what the chores are!" *double space for new paragraph*
And my mother*? G*one as usual. *Double-space for new paragraph*
I started the wash*,* and as I did*,* I considered patricide. I could understand very well how a child could be driven to such a thing. *no space here* I had visions of him begging for his life while I held a knife to his throat. But wanting a thing and doing a thing for me would not connect*,* and knew I could never do it. *Double-space for new paragraph*
I spent the next two days in that basement doing nothing but laundry. *no space here* It didn't take too long before the starvation punishment was re-introduced. My sister didn't put something away in the right spot. *no space here* No supper, but he didn't stop there. No, *this time,* he went *to [and got] DELETE 'AND GOT'* McDonald's for take-out*, and, putting it on the kitchen table, *forced* [made]DELETE 'MADE'* her sit down on the floor and *[forced her to] DELETE 'FORCED HER TO* watch us eat. *no space here* The cruelty, the mind games, the name-calling, and the punching all started up *as if we'd never been away.* [ DELETE:like it never went away.] *Double-space for new paragraph.*
I had a new hatred* now, though,* toward*[s] delete the s* my mother. *It was a* long time coming*,* I think. Her indifference, *h*er lack of maternal instincts, *h*er narcissism and selfishness*[,] DELETE COMMA* and *h*er willingness to throw us to the wolves without even looking back. *no space here* But most of all*, I hated her for* her failure to protect us *and that s*he was al*ways* armed with a boatload of excuses for why her children were bad. *Double space for new paragraph*
*It pains me so much to say this, but I actually* hate her more now than I ever did. *Double space for new paragraph.*
They called themselves human. I called them monsters with a human guise. *Double space for new paragraph*
We deteriorated fast. Weight loss, haunted eyes*, terror for breakfast lunch and dinner.* *Double space for new paragraph.
"I've got to get us out...*and* quickly." I thought. "He's *[slowly] DELETE THE WORD 'SLOWLY' because just two lines ago, you wrote that you were deteriorating fast* killing us" *Double-space for new paragraph.
*It was obvious that m*y mother and my stepfather *had*[ve] decided *that* they liked it better without kids in the house and we*[']* DELETE apostrophe*re diligently making plans to get rid of us.
************************
I'm thinking when you copy-and-pasted, your formatting didn't do its job. I've had that happen before, too, with this FS system. So that's why this edit is so long, and I apologize for that. But it was like once I got started, I didn't want to do a half-assed job of it and make it confusing as to when to start a new paragraph by double-spacing.
Your spags are VERY few, but it just seems like there's a lot of them because of the spacing notes I made here. Next time you copy-and-paste, you might have to go through and manually make the text have paragraphs. It's such a drag, I know, because, as I said, I've had to do it many times, too. FS isn't exactly cutting edge when it comes to technology!!
Another super duper chapter, though. Full of such horror for you...and fury for us, the grown-ups who are sitting here reading about it, after the fact, when it's too late to do anything for you but cry. I keep hearing your mom's words from earlier this week, "You made me look bad." As if she needed help with that!! Fuck.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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Thank you again my friend!!
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Anytime.
Comment from Chuck Keller
The abuse and neglect gets worse and worse.
I realize there are people like this but fortunately for me my parents weren't this bad.
It must be difficult to write this.
But, like war stories, it continues to draw the reader to the next chapter.
Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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The abuse and neglect gets worse and worse.
I realize there are people like this but fortunately for me my parents weren't this bad.
It must be difficult to write this.
But, like war stories, it continues to draw the reader to the next chapter.
Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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Hi chuck yes, I appreciate seeing your name come up in your review. I thank you for coming on this journey with me it's nice to know there folks like yourself out there to undersend I appreciate you in your comments I shall keep writing until there's nothing left to write. Thank you so much, have a great night, happy Halloween!