One Man's Calling
Viewing comments for Chapter 61 "One Man's Calling, ch 61"Following God
12 total reviews
Comment from Wendyanne
Although I have not read any previous chapters as I am 'new' to the site, I did enjoy reading this. I found it very interesting and informative. I am not a story writer so I have no 'advice' for you.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Although I have not read any previous chapters as I am 'new' to the site, I did enjoy reading this. I found it very interesting and informative. I am not a story writer so I have no 'advice' for you.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The sentence, "I know that you've been working hours before your official time, and working to dark after working hours are over." If you said something like, "I know you're working extra hours," you could get your point across without a lot of words.
"I say mutton because there's a lot of local sheep." You don't need to say why you're saying something; just say it (does that make sense?). "and eat some mutton, we've plenty of local sheep."
I like this line: "Besides, a person who only believes what he's been told, will believe whatever he's told next." I know a few people like this; it's depressing to witness.
I also like "subject hop-scotch" - I'm tempted to use that in a few neighborly or family debates I engage in:-)
On the blue underlining . . . I find that if I delete something and retype it I can get rid of what FanStory has done to my text. Did you copy and paste a whole document from your computer into FS box? Then it's worth a try to delete that one part and try typing it directly into the FS box. Worth a try.
I like where Ben is now - surrounded by good people and in a good place. I also like the way you're using historical figures and working them into your story. It's a great way to get to know the people behind the city names of California.
See you soon!
Pam
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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The sentence, "I know that you've been working hours before your official time, and working to dark after working hours are over." If you said something like, "I know you're working extra hours," you could get your point across without a lot of words.
"I say mutton because there's a lot of local sheep." You don't need to say why you're saying something; just say it (does that make sense?). "and eat some mutton, we've plenty of local sheep."
I like this line: "Besides, a person who only believes what he's been told, will believe whatever he's told next." I know a few people like this; it's depressing to witness.
I also like "subject hop-scotch" - I'm tempted to use that in a few neighborly or family debates I engage in:-)
On the blue underlining . . . I find that if I delete something and retype it I can get rid of what FanStory has done to my text. Did you copy and paste a whole document from your computer into FS box? Then it's worth a try to delete that one part and try typing it directly into the FS box. Worth a try.
I like where Ben is now - surrounded by good people and in a good place. I also like the way you're using historical figures and working them into your story. It's a great way to get to know the people behind the city names of California.
See you soon!
Pam
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your great review!
Comment from lyenochka
I liked how Ben respectfully replied to Luther's theological questions. In your notes, I learned who Clarence was and what he had to offer. In the post, it wasn't clear to me that Clarence was offering anything to Luther.
Suggestions:
from the Montgomery Wards (Ward's)
"Would it be all right if I made friends with a neighbor, or two. (question mark instead of period)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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I liked how Ben respectfully replied to Luther's theological questions. In your notes, I learned who Clarence was and what he had to offer. In the post, it wasn't clear to me that Clarence was offering anything to Luther.
Suggestions:
from the Montgomery Wards (Ward's)
"Would it be all right if I made friends with a neighbor, or two. (question mark instead of period)
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your great review. And for your corrections.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Your research alone warrants this. I have heard of Starks seeds. This story is so engrossing. It is full-bodied. I feel good and nourished after reading a "Ben" story. Karen
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Your research alone warrants this. I have heard of Starks seeds. This story is so engrossing. It is full-bodied. I feel good and nourished after reading a "Ben" story. Karen
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you immensely. And thank you for the six stars!
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u r welcome Karen :-)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ben a farmer now, that's new for a man of God,but I know the monster are doing this on daily basis. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Ben a farmer now, that's new for a man of God,but I know the monster are doing this on daily basis. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Luther seems to be a man of good humor as you write about him. Ben needs that kind of person around him as he still feels guilty about accidentally causing a man's death. I did find a few things you might want to change: . . . we could borrow (to) pull stumps. Also . . . service to the Lord (???) not turn his head . . .
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Luther seems to be a man of good humor as you write about him. Ben needs that kind of person around him as he still feels guilty about accidentally causing a man's death. I did find a few things you might want to change: . . . we could borrow (to) pull stumps. Also . . . service to the Lord (???) not turn his head . . .
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your super review!
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I like the fact that you included some actual history. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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This is another excellent chapter. You have moved the story along nicely. I like the fact that you included some actual history. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Jim Wile
Another interesting chapter as we learn about Luther Burbank and his great supporter Clarence Stark. You always entice me to do a little research on my own when you introduce us to these historical figures, Wayne. Burbank and Stark did quite a lot for American horticulture, and it was interesting getting to know about them.
I'm sorry Ben still feels such guilt about kicking a man in the balls while defending himself, even though he died soon after. Not Ben's fault.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Another interesting chapter as we learn about Luther Burbank and his great supporter Clarence Stark. You always entice me to do a little research on my own when you introduce us to these historical figures, Wayne. Burbank and Stark did quite a lot for American horticulture, and it was interesting getting to know about them.
I'm sorry Ben still feels such guilt about kicking a man in the balls while defending himself, even though he died soon after. Not Ben's fault.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Thank you.
You are right, but Ben feels badly about being found guilty by his peers. (feeling that he didn't let God deal with his enemies) He is also upset that he, as an escaped prisoner, not only appears guilty, but actually broke another law by escaping.
Do you think I should spell all this out in narrative?
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I think so. I wasn't really sure what the source of Ben's anguish was. He didn't do anything wrong, yet seemed to feel awfully bad about it.
Comment from BethShelby
You always have Ben becoming a part of some famous character's life and in influencing him in some way. I wonder if Luther Burbank ever became a Christian or if he remained a fan of Charles Darwin.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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You always have Ben becoming a part of some famous character's life and in influencing him in some way. I wonder if Luther Burbank ever became a Christian or if he remained a fan of Charles Darwin.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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He liked Darwin's scientific approach to biology, but didn't sign on to his theology. For that, he was his own man - sorry to say. Luther Burbank was not a believer, though he didn't dispute Christianity.
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, I can see why Ben would be torturing himself without mercy, feeling he had failed his Lord. But He is continuing to watch over him and protect him and provide for him. A very interesting and insightful chapter with a significant look at Ben's very human qualities.
Well written.
Wendy
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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Yes, I can see why Ben would be torturing himself without mercy, feeling he had failed his Lord. But He is continuing to watch over him and protect him and provide for him. A very interesting and insightful chapter with a significant look at Ben's very human qualities.
Well written.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Thank you. That was my hope.
