Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Exodus "Biography/Supernatural
10 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This was a frightening experience for anyone to go through let alone a young girl on her own. The paragraph- looking at my ankle - seems like it's got a bit mixed up Lea, needs an edit. A remarkable story from a very strong lass.
Cheers Lea, enjoy your day.
Valda
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
  |
This was a frightening experience for anyone to go through let alone a young girl on her own. The paragraph- looking at my ankle - seems like it's got a bit mixed up Lea, needs an edit. A remarkable story from a very strong lass.
Cheers Lea, enjoy your day.
Valda
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
-
Thank you again, my friend going ahead to make that correction, I appreciate your fine Eagle Eye always important and you're thoughtful and your well wishes, which is a really great. I'll be able to put it on this shelf once. All the matters are complete, but as soon as this is written. I can let the rest takeover thanks again!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
it appears that you've already been told about the edits. It's always a good idea to go back over your work and read it out loud before you post it. Even then I know I make mistakes.
I'm sure the landscape had changed for you after the wind storm. Sometimes even something as simple as a good snowfall can change the way everything looks.
Did you have a destination in mind when you took off? Were you getting ready to step out into civilization so you could check on your sister? I'm sure the whole thing had to have been upsetting for you. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
|
Hello Lea,
it appears that you've already been told about the edits. It's always a good idea to go back over your work and read it out loud before you post it. Even then I know I make mistakes.
I'm sure the landscape had changed for you after the wind storm. Sometimes even something as simple as a good snowfall can change the way everything looks.
Did you have a destination in mind when you took off? Were you getting ready to step out into civilization so you could check on your sister? I'm sure the whole thing had to have been upsetting for you. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
-
Well, I was forced out by the storm a little sooner than I planned and with less stuff than I planned. I didn't have anywhere to go or I was gonna go at that point I made the phone call home first and the answer was no so I call my grandmother the only other phone number I could remember of my family. Thank you again, Tom. As you know, I'm always happy to see you. Come up with your fine reviews and compassionate comments mean a lot! Hope your evening is grand!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
You did so well describing how bleak and hopeless your situation was and how hard you were fighting the enormity of it all. That you would find a can of Alpha Ghetti, though? I had to laugh at that!! That stuff is as indestructible as YOU!! Of COURSE you would go on the journey together!! And your discipline of not eating it all, but saving half for morning. Your survival skills are second to none!
This paragraph, though, I had a hard time decoding. It needs some serious editing.
Looking at my ankle, I noticed. I ripped my the West side team and inside. That team was sticking out a sharp, splintered piece of wood. I knew it was stuck in my foot. I could feel it think away so I pulled it out. What more can you do? I got a grip on it and I pulled it out as quickly as I could. Some bruising on my knee and cools forming from the franchise that had wrapped around it.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
|
You did so well describing how bleak and hopeless your situation was and how hard you were fighting the enormity of it all. That you would find a can of Alpha Ghetti, though? I had to laugh at that!! That stuff is as indestructible as YOU!! Of COURSE you would go on the journey together!! And your discipline of not eating it all, but saving half for morning. Your survival skills are second to none!
This paragraph, though, I had a hard time decoding. It needs some serious editing.
Looking at my ankle, I noticed. I ripped my the West side team and inside. That team was sticking out a sharp, splintered piece of wood. I knew it was stuck in my foot. I could feel it think away so I pulled it out. What more can you do? I got a grip on it and I pulled it out as quickly as I could. Some bruising on my knee and cools forming from the franchise that had wrapped around it.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
-
Lol yes I'm sorry I have gone and made those changes already. I noticed that earlier and I thought I put it through Grammerly and grammely sometimes switches things up. There is nothing better than the human eye I think. If you wish to re read, you can find the corrected version in my portfolio. You're egolized very much appreciated after all. How do we learn if we don't listen? Yes, I thought it was interesting how that can managed to make it! I thought a lot of things were interesting in those days but when it was over and I could look back. I picked up on the little miracles that happened along the way. As always, I appreciate your kind comments of support. Especially now I am riding the emotional roller coaster. I keep thinking I can push myself longer and do more. And it is sometimes to my determiment. I have done some self-care. Some deep sleeping and can I forge ahead. A trick about that roller coaster. I've been on that ride many times I know it's course, it's bends, it's up, Its down, it's slow and it's fast. But it can't fool me anymore. Thank you again, so very much for your kind comments, your words of support and your amazing friendship!
-
Each time you ride it, it will frighten you less and less. You show that stupid thing who's boss, Lea Tonin. xoxo
-
You're exactly right. Always use your own editing skills over that of a computer program. The day you're not smarter than a computer? That day I will want to be my last one on the planet!! You're a very capable writer, and editing is one of the best ways there is to become even BETTER. Do you read your writings aloud, Lea? That will REALLY help make you a great writer and editor because, as a singer, you must have a good musical ear. And when something hits that musical ear of yours wrong, then that is your instinct advising you to change it.
-
My plan is to continue writing until I puked it all out. Excuse the expression, I'll do go back and read and rewrite. I also pay particular attention to the comments. My fellow writers make such as yourself, Debbie and others who have been great support, thank you for that connection! Certainly it feels like to me that I just have to let that pen flow. But yes, I'm going to rewrite and re-release. Definitely, I'm up to 30 chapters even more now. I think. I also think this may be a 2 part operation. There was my growing up Yes, and so much I didn't know to survive in a world as the norm. Simple things like running a household, going to work every day. Caring for children paying the bills. All the things that most people do in the world that are taught before they leave home. For the most part, that was not my experience.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Your skill here in drawing the reader into your world is truly amazing! There is a belief still there that you can get through this but you are now severely weakened and it's all going to be an almighty challenge. And at times like this, you revert to the child in you because this isn't what a child should be going through without a parent present. There are 3 sentences that, I think, need some attention starting from: "Looking at my ankle I noticed..."; also "The hopelessness of my situation caught up (on) me." But this is another excellent chapter. Well done, Lea. Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
|
Your skill here in drawing the reader into your world is truly amazing! There is a belief still there that you can get through this but you are now severely weakened and it's all going to be an almighty challenge. And at times like this, you revert to the child in you because this isn't what a child should be going through without a parent present. There are 3 sentences that, I think, need some attention starting from: "Looking at my ankle I noticed..."; also "The hopelessness of my situation caught up (on) me." But this is another excellent chapter. Well done, Lea. Debbie
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
-
Thank you again Debbie. I appreciate you so much and your suggestions for edit very valuable! Always happy to see your review and the fine things you have to say. The constructive offerings you give thanks again! Always greatful thank you!!
-
You're welcome, Lea! A pleasure.
Comment from damommy
Poor girl! I know it ends well, but in the meantime, I'm amazed at what you went through. Not many that age could have done it. It's said what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. You should be Hercules!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
|
Poor girl! I know it ends well, but in the meantime, I'm amazed at what you went through. Not many that age could have done it. It's said what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. You should be Hercules!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
-
Lol...thank you! I do appreciate you and your great comments!
Your matter of fact, way of saying things and that is really good and much appreciated by me!
Thank you so much for your review. I appreciate it very much, and you're right. What doesn't kill you definitely? Thanks again, have a great day!
Comment from Chuck Keller
What a journey!
Your descriptive and personal struggle comes through clearly.
As always, a great adventure filled with color and effort but the reader is along for the trip without the real danger.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
|
What a journey!
Your descriptive and personal struggle comes through clearly.
As always, a great adventure filled with color and effort but the reader is along for the trip without the real danger.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
-
Thank you so much, Chuck! That's a fine compliment and means alot to me! I'm happy to see your review and your name. Mind of a practical thinker who sees things as they are in the lines that you write and you don't need to write a lot for that to be conveyed. So once again, I thank you. I hope you have the best of days!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Firstly Lea, I am glad that you create fine pieces of jewellery and make beautiful things now, this must give you a great deal of joy. I hope you haven't lost faith in humanity after what happened to you either.
Also I loved your philosophy of taking on one task at a time. I use this simple tool in all my tasks, it stops you being overwhelmed. I make lists, prioritise and work down the list and as you say before you know it, the job is done.
This is a great line: (The sun was tiptoeing towards the horizon as if the day was a shy maid).
Edit:
(The girl in me was still there the adult (in) me struggling to come out).
You were such a brave girl Lea, I cant imagine how hopeless you much have felt and yet you strived forward with inner strength and I expect this has remained within you ever since.
A fine chapter, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
|
Firstly Lea, I am glad that you create fine pieces of jewellery and make beautiful things now, this must give you a great deal of joy. I hope you haven't lost faith in humanity after what happened to you either.
Also I loved your philosophy of taking on one task at a time. I use this simple tool in all my tasks, it stops you being overwhelmed. I make lists, prioritise and work down the list and as you say before you know it, the job is done.
This is a great line: (The sun was tiptoeing towards the horizon as if the day was a shy maid).
Edit:
(The girl in me was still there the adult (in) me struggling to come out).
You were such a brave girl Lea, I cant imagine how hopeless you much have felt and yet you strived forward with inner strength and I expect this has remained within you ever since.
A fine chapter, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
-
Thank you, Dolly! I call it just plain stubborn. I couldn't give him the last piece that was mine. The angry me, the one who squacked at injustice.
This one...she wouldn't let me go or rest. So many things that makes up a person. But I would be remiss if I didn't tell you and others, I didn't come through this unscathed or without scars. I still struggle with trust, but trust to me is an earned
thing and not automatically bestowed just like respect. Thank you for your thoughtful review and your kind reading as well as you're a lovely comments. Always special to me! Please, enjoy your day!
Comment from JSD
Heart-wrenching, this one. Just so hopeless and you seem to be drowning in more hardship and pain and dirt and hunger. Your readers are desperate for a way out. x
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
|
Heart-wrenching, this one. Just so hopeless and you seem to be drowning in more hardship and pain and dirt and hunger. Your readers are desperate for a way out. x
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
-
The way comes It'll be at rocky but the way comes. There's so much to tell. it will come too. Thank you for hanging in then I'm reading and offering your compassion may your night be amazing.
Comment from BethShelby
It is very easy to get lost in the woods. I've been lost in the woods when when there had been no storm changing the looks of things. I kept walking in circles and coming back to the same spot. I was hoping you would be out by now. I'm anxious to see you find your way.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
|
It is very easy to get lost in the woods. I've been lost in the woods when when there had been no storm changing the looks of things. I kept walking in circles and coming back to the same spot. I was hoping you would be out by now. I'm anxious to see you find your way.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
-
Thank you yes, it will happen. It was a struggle to do so. But I had to do it justice for the two days it took me to get out. Thank you again, always nice to see your review and hear you're thoughts. There is much there is much the depth of the depravity goes so deep. Thanks again!!
Comment from Jim Wile
Well, you answered my previous question about the nature of the forest. It does sound like you could become irretrievably lost in it. That had to be extremely frightening.
Small favors like finding the can of Alpha Ghetti and your water jug were enough to keep you going for a little while, but it sounds like you were perilously close to not making it out alive. Plus, you were all scratched and gouged up and undoubtedly in pain.
The thing that was so impressive was that you had the wits about you to tackle small goals at a time and not to get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of survival. Maybe you were too young to be an adult, but you certainly were thinking like a mature adult. I am extremely impressed with how you handled yourself and refused to give up. You rock, Lea! - Jim
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
|
Well, you answered my previous question about the nature of the forest. It does sound like you could become irretrievably lost in it. That had to be extremely frightening.
Small favors like finding the can of Alpha Ghetti and your water jug were enough to keep you going for a little while, but it sounds like you were perilously close to not making it out alive. Plus, you were all scratched and gouged up and undoubtedly in pain.
The thing that was so impressive was that you had the wits about you to tackle small goals at a time and not to get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of survival. Maybe you were too young to be an adult, but you certainly were thinking like a mature adult. I am extremely impressed with how you handled yourself and refused to give up. You rock, Lea! - Jim
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
-
I really want to kill so much that's a very fine compliment. I appreciate that at the time all I feel was scared not brave not smart to scared.
I appreciate your kind compliments. I really do, and that you see me. In this way, it's also complimentary as well. Thank you and jim have the best night!