Cluttered
Three line poem for the club15 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
Hi,
Are you home from your trip or still gone?
I just got back on FS. Have been off since before Christmas, I believe.
Your trip sounds divine. Are you going to write about it, or you still spraying fruit flies? :)
Katharine
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hi,
Are you home from your trip or still gone?
I just got back on FS. Have been off since before Christmas, I believe.
Your trip sounds divine. Are you going to write about it, or you still spraying fruit flies? :)
Katharine
Comment Written 26-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hi Katharine :)
I'm happy to see you :) I haven't written anything for a long time and only occasionally get chance to pop on site.... it's early Saturday, no work and just having a coffee, so ideal opportunity to clear out my message tray and catch up! I hope you're well?
The trip was only for a couple of weeks, so unfortunately it's long gone - Maybe I'll write about it, although much of it was spent trying to coax our anxious teen out of the rental cottage (sigh...) It is a beautiful part of the world and I would love to return one day.
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well, I hope you do. ( and without teens :)
Am fine, thanks. Lost most of my plants by unwrapping them too soon. Am sick about it. Some survived but most didn't. Am in a garden home with a pool in the back, so everything is in big pots, no ground. (garden home is definitely a misnomer!
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Debra,
I can relate. That's for sure.
If there is a mess on my computer desk, or in the kitchen or livingroom, I can't write. It's impossible. I have to have everything tidy. My brain has to be ready for writing, not thinking about anything else.
I like the personification in this line,
"my computer idles" ... it's like a car, motor running, but not in gear.
Can I offer a couple of suggestions?
"midst a thousand other things the family dumped there -
my mind relates" ... (I'd like to toss more "m" sounds in there. And "relates" doesn't quite measure up to this setting you've created.
I suggest,
midst a million other things the family dumped there -
my mind's a muddle ... meaning the mess also interferes with your mind.)
I really enjoyed this short poem. It's sooo true!
Hugs,
Kimbob
p.s. I hope you start posting soon!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hi Debra,
I can relate. That's for sure.
If there is a mess on my computer desk, or in the kitchen or livingroom, I can't write. It's impossible. I have to have everything tidy. My brain has to be ready for writing, not thinking about anything else.
I like the personification in this line,
"my computer idles" ... it's like a car, motor running, but not in gear.
Can I offer a couple of suggestions?
"midst a thousand other things the family dumped there -
my mind relates" ... (I'd like to toss more "m" sounds in there. And "relates" doesn't quite measure up to this setting you've created.
I suggest,
midst a million other things the family dumped there -
my mind's a muddle ... meaning the mess also interferes with your mind.)
I really enjoyed this short poem. It's sooo true!
Hugs,
Kimbob
p.s. I hope you start posting soon!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Hello again :)
Thank you for reviewing and for the suggestion - it's always good to have another opinion and perspective :)
I hope to write again some time soon... life is so busy, but if I wrote about what's going on here, I don't think anyone would want to read it! My brain is too full and doesn't seem to have the capacity for creativity at the moment - I hope to make some room in there soon LOL
Take care :) Debra x
Comment from Heather Knight
Hi,
I love what you say in this little poem and how you say it. Your picture is spectacular too.
However, I have to confess it makes me sad because I want you to be happy.
Take care,
MJ
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hi,
I love what you say in this little poem and how you say it. Your picture is spectacular too.
However, I have to confess it makes me sad because I want you to be happy.
Take care,
MJ
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hello Maria :)
Thank you so much for the generous star rating and kind feedback. I appreciate both.
I am happy, on the whole :) I just worry about the things I have no control over. Mostly the kids, their health and mental wellbeing, you know how it is. xx
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Yeah, I do. I'm an expert worrier.x
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the finding my muse event. Thank you for participating. You used the words carefully and it's succinct. Nice imagery. We all get messy sometimes.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Excellent entry for the finding my muse event. Thank you for participating. You used the words carefully and it's succinct. Nice imagery. We all get messy sometimes.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Gypsy, for your kind feedback and for running the club :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Quite nice. Your ideas are clear and well thought out.
I identified with your poetry. The picture is lovely.
These prompts help us stretch and grow. I am learning a lot about poetry here. Karen
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Quite nice. Your ideas are clear and well thought out.
I identified with your poetry. The picture is lovely.
These prompts help us stretch and grow. I am learning a lot about poetry here. Karen
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your kind feedback, Karen :)
I love working from prompts - they get me off the starting blocks.
I've learned a lot about poetry here too. I try to employ what I've learned, sometimes it works, sometimes not!
Best wishes, Debra
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u r welcome
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. My mind relates, too! It's a wonder that I can get anything done. After moving and opening boxes and wondering why these things were either kept or lumped together is simply mind-boggling! Great metaphor!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Lol. My mind relates, too! It's a wonder that I can get anything done. After moving and opening boxes and wondering why these things were either kept or lumped together is simply mind-boggling! Great metaphor!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Hi Helen :) thank you for your feedback and happy that you relate, although I hope you get all those boxes sorted soon! Good to know that you got moved ok... you were still getting round to it when we last spoke :)
Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from Gloria ....
I think you did a terrific job of this prompt. The sense of clutter surrounding a computer that is idling and ready to be set into motion very soon.
Excellent work and much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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I think you did a terrific job of this prompt. The sense of clutter surrounding a computer that is idling and ready to be set into motion very soon.
Excellent work and much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Hi Gloria :)
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback and for your generous star rating. I appreciate both :)
Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from Bill Schott
This three-lined poem, Cluttered, has the proper formatting and can make the reader see either the clutter or the pieces of ideas that surround us all the time.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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This three-lined poem, Cluttered, has the proper formatting and can make the reader see either the clutter or the pieces of ideas that surround us all the time.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your feedback, Bill.
Best wishes Debra :)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
When I read the "club objective", I didn't at all think it was about physical space; rather, the amount of space that your three lines occupy. In other words, tell us about your physical space in as few words as possible. And you've done a great job of that.
I'm so lucky to have a dedicated office where I both write and knit. Often, I enjoy going to the library or a coffee shop so that I'm surrounded by people while I work.
I haven't seen any posts from you for a while, so this was a treat.
Lovely overall presentation, Debra. Take care:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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When I read the "club objective", I didn't at all think it was about physical space; rather, the amount of space that your three lines occupy. In other words, tell us about your physical space in as few words as possible. And you've done a great job of that.
I'm so lucky to have a dedicated office where I both write and knit. Often, I enjoy going to the library or a coffee shop so that I'm surrounded by people while I work.
I haven't seen any posts from you for a while, so this was a treat.
Lovely overall presentation, Debra. Take care:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Hi Pam :)
Thank you for your feedback. It's good to be back - could be fleeting, could be for longer, who knows?!
Whoops! Did I mis-interpret what the prompt meant?! LOL
I'm glad you enjoyed what I came up with, nonetheless :)
You ARE lucky! I would love a little nook, just for me, where I can just be... Going to the library is a great idea, although my local library isn't open when I'm not at work, apart from Saturday mornings.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation, Debra.
-Good to see you on FS.
-A well written poem with a good topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A good opening line and vivid
description of the clutter. I think
a lot of people can relate to that
in various areas of the house!
-A very good closing line.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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-Very nice artwork and presentation, Debra.
-Good to see you on FS.
-A well written poem with a good topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A good opening line and vivid
description of the clutter. I think
a lot of people can relate to that
in various areas of the house!
-A very good closing line.
-Well done.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Hello Pam :)
I hope you're well.
It's good to be back, albeit for a little while...
Thank you so much for your feedback. Always appreciated :)
Best wishes, Debra x
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You are very welcome, Debra. Things are pretty good here. Hope you are doing well, too.
