Night Visitor Unknown
Unknown lady seeks entrance to house at night.28 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Very good description of the settings. The opening scene has some good sensory descriptions. This is a very good point: "I don't know if I should answer it. What if they think no one is home and try to break in." this is excellent I've done a good job creating a dilemma: "Maybe I could call someone else for you, then. Your parents or someone? I don't think I should open the door this time of night. I don't know you." i like the ending it's got humor to it a little bit of mystery maybe a little bit of urgency.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Very good description of the settings. The opening scene has some good sensory descriptions. This is a very good point: "I don't know if I should answer it. What if they think no one is home and try to break in." this is excellent I've done a good job creating a dilemma: "Maybe I could call someone else for you, then. Your parents or someone? I don't think I should open the door this time of night. I don't know you." i like the ending it's got humor to it a little bit of mystery maybe a little bit of urgency.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Thank you Liz, I understand you do thi to a lot of portfolios. I really appreciate it. You make me remember things I've almost forgotten about writing. I see you had a birthday recently. I hope it was good one.
Beth
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Thank you Beth Yes I had a very lovely birthday I got on the facebook video so I hung out with my friends in one of their kitchens. There were four of them so we had a great time It was as if I were sitting in their kitchen. It is fun to see some of the stuff we wrote in the past Somebody else did that for me and I thought "I wrote this?"
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Beth,
This is well written story of making a right decision late at night. It is a good warning story. In the end she turns possible prey to a predator of the sent policeman. Wouldn't it be a great twist if the officer sent is woman?
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Have a great day.
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2023
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Hi Beth,
This is well written story of making a right decision late at night. It is a good warning story. In the end she turns possible prey to a predator of the sent policeman. Wouldn't it be a great twist if the officer sent is woman?
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Have a great day.
Joan
Comment Written 15-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Joan. I thought the policeman could have also been a predator as well, but this was basically a true story that actually happened to my daughter. The lady was a part of team of home invadiers and she and her companion were arrested that night in the same neighborhood.
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You're welcome, Beth.
Good for your daughter and the neighborhood.
Joan
Comment from JSD
And get a spy glass in your door! An excellent piece of script. We can see the scene perfectly and this is full of drama, despite only one person actually being visible. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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And get a spy glass in your door! An excellent piece of script. We can see the scene perfectly and this is full of drama, despite only one person actually being visible. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Thank you. I really appreciate this review because it made 26 which gives it the best rating. It was about to expire and I didn't think I would make it.
Beth
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
That is a scary circumstance. It would be hard not to open the door on someone claiming to being assaulted. She was certainly right to call the police. If the woman should be telling the truth, she needed help. If she was lying, someone nearby might need the police.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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That is a scary circumstance. It would be hard not to open the door on someone claiming to being assaulted. She was certainly right to call the police. If the woman should be telling the truth, she needed help. If she was lying, someone nearby might need the police.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much Carol. I appreciate the great review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is such a good script with an excellent message. You should never open the door at night to a stranger, no matter what they say. The way she wanted Lisa to open the door, but not call the police and to switch the porch light off, sent off alarm bells in my head. Very well done, and good luck in the contest!! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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That is such a good script with an excellent message. You should never open the door at night to a stranger, no matter what they say. The way she wanted Lisa to open the door, but not call the police and to switch the porch light off, sent off alarm bells in my head. Very well done, and good luck in the contest!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 11-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much Sandra. I appreciate the review and comments. This is based on something that happened to my daughter.
Beth
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It sends chills down your spine to think what could have happened had she opened the door. I'm glad your daughter didn't.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You set a very realistic scene woth this Beth, and as I read it I was thinking that we all would feel the same, too vulnerable to open up at night to a stranger. The days of trusting what someone says are gone I think. Scary that it was based on a real event. A good warning. Enjoyed it, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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You set a very realistic scene woth this Beth, and as I read it I was thinking that we all would feel the same, too vulnerable to open up at night to a stranger. The days of trusting what someone says are gone I think. Scary that it was based on a real event. A good warning. Enjoyed it, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for an excellent review and comment. I enjoyed reading your comments.
Beth
Comment from LJbutterfly
This screenplay is gripping. The lady at the front door is suspicious. I'm glad you made the protagonist cautious. She did all the right things, including calling the police. In the end, when she wondered if the police officer would be single and cute, it gave me an unexpected chuckle. This is very well thought out. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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This screenplay is gripping. The lady at the front door is suspicious. I'm glad you made the protagonist cautious. She did all the right things, including calling the police. In the end, when she wondered if the police officer would be single and cute, it gave me an unexpected chuckle. This is very well thought out. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Thank you for an excellent review. I enjoyed your comments.
Beth
Comment from Paul Manton
I wish I didn't believe this to be realistic, but I'm afraid it is - and that could have been fatal for Lisa. If she was lucky, it was a robbery, but it might have been much worse. The change in the tone of the woman's voice really gives the game away.
For those of us who have been scammed or robbed, this story brings back feelings of dread and embarrassment. An East European Mafia scam cleared 100 bank cards in one afternoon - including mine - in the heart of the West End. The maximum amount of money was withdrawn within ten minutes, but I had already reported a possible theft - altogether more than 500 of us had our money returned, and I was told the thieves were caught.
But, in your story, a very sensible girl escapes an unknown danger that might have been much worse than my experience.
Well written, Beth.
Paul
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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I wish I didn't believe this to be realistic, but I'm afraid it is - and that could have been fatal for Lisa. If she was lucky, it was a robbery, but it might have been much worse. The change in the tone of the woman's voice really gives the game away.
For those of us who have been scammed or robbed, this story brings back feelings of dread and embarrassment. An East European Mafia scam cleared 100 bank cards in one afternoon - including mine - in the heart of the West End. The maximum amount of money was withdrawn within ten minutes, but I had already reported a possible theft - altogether more than 500 of us had our money returned, and I was told the thieves were caught.
But, in your story, a very sensible girl escapes an unknown danger that might have been much worse than my experience.
Well written, Beth.
Paul
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Yes, it was a basically true story that happened to my daughter and she almost opened the door but decided not to, thankfully. I've head stories of rapist having the sound of a baby crying off the path of a walking trail to lure female joggers back to check it our. Evil people are everywhre. Thank for the review and for sharing your story. I'm glad you money was returned.
Beth
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Thank you, Beth. That's an even more hair-raising story if your daughter was involved! Thank goodness she was so sensible.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Beth, this is an excellent little screenplay. You built a very tense situation. I was not sure what was going on with the lady at the door. To help her by letting her in or to be wary. And then at the end, I was laughing! Very well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Beth, this is an excellent little screenplay. You built a very tense situation. I was not sure what was going on with the lady at the door. To help her by letting her in or to be wary. And then at the end, I was laughing! Very well done. Terry.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Thank you Terry, I really appreciate your review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work. Nicely written/composed.
Yes, a peep hole would be a good idea. A camera would be better, I suppose, though I don't have one and wouldn't know how to work it.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Good work. Nicely written/composed.
Yes, a peep hole would be a good idea. A camera would be better, I suppose, though I don't have one and wouldn't know how to work it.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Wayne. I appreciate the review and the nice comments.
Beth