Unforgettable Memory
Still in my mind ...27 total reviews
Comment from RodG
This experience would be hard to forget: You the helpless observer watching the hapless swimmer drown. One wonders IF even a strong swimmer could have saved him if the person with him could not. Or did you watch a murder unknowingly? This is grist for your fiction mill.
Rod
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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This experience would be hard to forget: You the helpless observer watching the hapless swimmer drown. One wonders IF even a strong swimmer could have saved him if the person with him could not. Or did you watch a murder unknowingly? This is grist for your fiction mill.
Rod
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you Rod. You are right, re the other swimmer being unable to save him - although of course there is also the ossibility of a shark attack. Now, you have set my mind on a different track! Murder - is that the perfect way to commit a crime, encourage someone to go way beyond their capabilities and then watch while they drowned? Oh dear!! Nothing could ever be proved ....
Wendy
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A great plot shaping up. Go with it.
Comment from rama devi
That's so sad. Sorry you had to witness that. Congrats on winning the contest. It's a powerful story, and there was certainly nothing you could do.
Couple of comma suggestions:
A few minutes(,) later I saw just one dot. Surely(,) I was mistaken.
The following day(,) I learned a swimmer had drowned at that beach.
Good POV, scene depiction and pacing.
Congrats, again, dear W.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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That's so sad. Sorry you had to witness that. Congrats on winning the contest. It's a powerful story, and there was certainly nothing you could do.
Couple of comma suggestions:
A few minutes(,) later I saw just one dot. Surely(,) I was mistaken.
The following day(,) I learned a swimmer had drowned at that beach.
Good POV, scene depiction and pacing.
Congrats, again, dear W.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much for the congratulations. Much appreciated. Also for the suggestions.
Wendy
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xxoo
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Wendy,
This is a sad storly. Were the two swimmers swimming too far apart for one to save the other. They should have know better than to be so far out without lifeguards on duty. You have no need to feel guilty.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Congrats on winning the contest,
Have a good Sunday.
Joan
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Hi Wendy,
This is a sad storly. Were the two swimmers swimming too far apart for one to save the other. They should have know better than to be so far out without lifeguards on duty. You have no need to feel guilty.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Congrats on winning the contest,
Have a good Sunday.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much Joan. When I first looked they weren't far apart. When I glanced back there was only one, and I kept straining to see the other. Theen doubt set in. Had I really seen two? Was the second one now just behind the other? They were just dots in the distance so I wasn't really sure. Thank you for your congratulations. I appreciate it.
Wendy
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You're welcome on all accounts, Wendy.
Joan
Comment from jmdg1954
Congrats, Wendy on winning the contest. After reading it, I can see why it was chosen the winner.
Excellent post. Wished I read it when first posted. I apparently missed it.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Congrats, Wendy on winning the contest. After reading it, I can see why it was chosen the winner.
Excellent post. Wished I read it when first posted. I apparently missed it.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you John for reviewing (especially as it had long since expired.)I am glad you liked it, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in reviewing and the congratulations.
Wendy
Comment from JT traveller
Oh, my! I have not had a chance to read this yet. How horrific for all concerned.
A wonderfully written story that truly packs a punch. Congratulations on your win, Wendy. Take care, Jacqueline xx
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Oh, my! I have not had a chance to read this yet. How horrific for all concerned.
A wonderfully written story that truly packs a punch. Congratulations on your win, Wendy. Take care, Jacqueline xx
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much, Jacqueline. A lovely review. Thank you too for the six special stars. I am so glad you appreciated this story. The win was an unexpected, but delightful, surprise.
Wendy
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Many thanks for this lovely honour! Greatly appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Wendy,
You're right. You couldn't help. I'm wondering if the swimmer drowned, or if they were attacked by a great white shark. I hear you have lots of those critters around your coasts. What about the other swimmer? I'm assuming they made it ashore. Man or woman? Husband, wife, or good friend? Just imagine how they must have felt if it bothers you so much. They were right there. Yet apparently helpless.
I count exactly 100 words, and you've told the story well. You'll carry this with you the rest of your life. You may feel guilty, but really you shouldn't. There's absolutely nothing you could have done. We blame ourselves... but judge and jury would find you innocent.
Good Luck in the contest!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Hi Wendy,
You're right. You couldn't help. I'm wondering if the swimmer drowned, or if they were attacked by a great white shark. I hear you have lots of those critters around your coasts. What about the other swimmer? I'm assuming they made it ashore. Man or woman? Husband, wife, or good friend? Just imagine how they must have felt if it bothers you so much. They were right there. Yet apparently helpless.
I count exactly 100 words, and you've told the story well. You'll carry this with you the rest of your life. You may feel guilty, but really you shouldn't. There's absolutely nothing you could have done. We blame ourselves... but judge and jury would find you innocent.
Good Luck in the contest!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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I don't know any of the details, but I gather one survived, and yes, the other may well have been taken by a shark in those waters (and so far from shore). Thanks so much for a very positive review and for your encouraging words. Much appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from JSD
Oh that is so sad. What a thing to have witnessed. But as you say, there was nothing you could have done. And tragedies occur every minute in our world, and we are helpless there too. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Oh that is so sad. What a thing to have witnessed. But as you say, there was nothing you could have done. And tragedies occur every minute in our world, and we are helpless there too. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you.You are right, and everything must be kept in perspective. Thanks too for the good wishes.
Wendy
Comment from lyenochka
That's devastating. You must have been very young then before the time of cellphones and such. You were traumatized by your father who forced you to swim by throwing into the water so I can imagine how distraught you were. Sorry that the memory haunts you. We can only trust that God knew that person's story.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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That's devastating. You must have been very young then before the time of cellphones and such. You were traumatized by your father who forced you to swim by throwing into the water so I can imagine how distraught you were. Sorry that the memory haunts you. We can only trust that God knew that person's story.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much for reviewing. Goodness, you have an excellent memory, remembering my "learn to swim" experiences! I appreciate your words of comfort and reassurance, and also your good wishes.
Wendy
Comment from Bill Schott
This sounds like a haunting memory that would certainly stick with you. I had similar memory once, that plagued me for a long time. I finally realized I had dreamed it and made it too real to forget.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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This sounds like a haunting memory that would certainly stick with you. I had similar memory once, that plagued me for a long time. I finally realized I had dreamed it and made it too real to forget.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much, Bill. You understand perfectly. I appreciate your review.
Wendy