Bills
they tend to pile up4 total reviews
Comment from Laine Carson
Adulting is a drag. Your poem sums up the biggest part of it. I think you might have some good advice for newbies too. I got a bit of a chuckle from it. Love the pic to go with it. It was perfect.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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Adulting is a drag. Your poem sums up the biggest part of it. I think you might have some good advice for newbies too. I got a bit of a chuckle from it. Love the pic to go with it. It was perfect.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
The poem is nice. The picture was complimentary.I Imagine this was hard to do. When you get a chance, please read my first lune poem, my first poem period, and my first writing here, "Remittance". Tell me what you think. Karen
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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The poem is nice. The picture was complimentary.I Imagine this was hard to do. When you get a chance, please read my first lune poem, my first poem period, and my first writing here, "Remittance". Tell me what you think. Karen
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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I just went back and looked at some of your writing, really nice work. Remittance was perfect for the contest. I'm glad you found FanStory as a place to share your work.
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A lot of people here are nuts!
I like that in a person.
Karen
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent poem. I enjoyed reading it. Your presentation is very good, too. You also use descriptive words and colorful imagery that draw in a reader.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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This is an excellent poem. I enjoyed reading it. Your presentation is very good, too. You also use descriptive words and colorful imagery that draw in a reader.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
Comment Written 16-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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Thank you
Comment from Eleri
This is a great idea for a pleiades poem but I would not have used 'bills' as a first word in lines one and two as it is your poem's title. I like the rhyming but I don't quite know what you mean by budgeting in a late fee and your metre is very changeable. You have ten beats per line in lines 4 and 5 but only four in line 6. This makes your poem a bit clunky to read out loud so I would have tried to make the line lengths a but more consistent if possible.
Good luck in the contest
Eleri
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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This is a great idea for a pleiades poem but I would not have used 'bills' as a first word in lines one and two as it is your poem's title. I like the rhyming but I don't quite know what you mean by budgeting in a late fee and your metre is very changeable. You have ten beats per line in lines 4 and 5 but only four in line 6. This makes your poem a bit clunky to read out loud so I would have tried to make the line lengths a but more consistent if possible.
Good luck in the contest
Eleri
Comment Written 16-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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Thank you. I did a bit of editing on it to try and get a smoother rhythm.
