Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Excellent

Either one sentence flows into the Rest, or they don't, but doing it sometimes, but then not others, confuses us and upsets the rhythm. I suggest you say your poem out loud several times before posting.
Someone suggested that to me and it helped.
Karen

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2023

Thank you very much. The form was rather crazy.I prefer free verse anyday. Miracle! i ended up with a third !!!

reply by Karen Cherry Threadgill on 21-Sep-2023

You write well, but sometimes the form constrains us. I haven't joined a lot of poetry lately because if it is a lot of work, I don't have the joy. when I did "Say Something" it was just for me. It was a fun test I gave myself. You have talent. Don't ever think you don't. Talent is born from life and lives in us as a growing thing. I am 68. I have been writing since I was 8. I always had to. When I was in school I won some awards, and then life intervened. No matter what was going on I wrote. I had to.
I feel that in you. I think perhaps you judge yourself too much. It's just a feeling, I could be wrong. Try something I do sometimes. Pick any letter in the alphabet and write down everyword in the known universe that you know that describes who you are and what you feel at this moment. In any language. I bet that after a while the words will get happier and sillier. Writing gives us joy, even if no one ever reads it but us. And if some of the nitwits on here do not appreciate you and what you have to give poo on them.
You are lovely just the way you are. Karen

Comment from Bobby Jo

Excellent

Romantic feeling, that leaves the reader with a flutter. To be young and in love, or not young but still in love. "A slow-burning fire with moonlight" Sounds perfect for a hot summer night.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Thank you very much..

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Excellent diatelle poem. A perfect entry for the Share A Diatelle Poem writing prompt contest.

I love free verse too. Your poem speaks of love and nature, my favorite.



Wonderful rhyming that flows well and doesn't sound forced. It's a well written poem with good form and composition.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Thank you very much ..for the encouraging words.

Comment from Boogienights

Excellent

This is a lovely, romantic poem about two people connecting. Your words flow beautifully, there is a lot of vivid imagery in this. A great contest entry...Best of luck.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Thank you very much..

Comment from Eleri

Good

This is a good attempt at a Diatelle poem and it rhymes well apart from the fact that quiet is not a very good near-rhyme for light/night etc. However, your fourth line has seven syllables rather than the required six as listening has three not two, and your fifth line has nine syllables rather than the required eight as quiet has two syllables not one. I think that you will need to rewrite those lines before the contest cut off date.
Eleri


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 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Thank you for pointing this out .I kind of managed to make some editing.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A romantic post and I liked the formation here too, I reckon this has every chance of winning the contest. Holding a loved one in the twilight sounds magical, love Dolly x x x

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Tyank you very much for dropping by

Comment from JSD

Excellent

This is such a convoluted form. You have done exceptionally well to bring it to life with a sweet love poem. Not sure 'chant' works brilliantly, but what can you do when you need so many similar rhymes. Well done and good luck.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

I know .I am very bad when it comes to rhyming. I prpefer free verse .I just wanted to challenge myself ..

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

Mystery poet, this is a beautifully penned and illustrated diatelle poem. I am a romantic, and, of course, love the theme and rhyming ends.

Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally :))

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Thank you very much ,Sally .God bless .I am sorry for the delayed reply.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Well written diatelle. These are not easy, with both syllable and rhyming requirements. I think it needs "envelops" to go with "night". The theme of love is a universal one, so all will relate. Sending best wishes for your contest entry.
Wendy

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Yes .It should be 'envelop'. Thank you for pointing it out.

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

Reading your authors notes ... where you say you would love to write this as a fFree Verse. Well, there is no reason why you can not do it now... I think it lends it self to Free Verse!
Lisa

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023

Yes .Actually I wrote this as a free verse .Then laboriously(for me since I am bad at rhyming) edited to somehow suit the form..Thank you very much for dropping by.

reply by Lisasview on 22-Sep-2023

Changing an already writen poem is so difficult. Often better to just start a new one.
When looking for true rhymes have you tried Google?
Lisa