Amanda's Adventure
A brief story about being lost.6 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Clever ending to your story. Seems like Amanda remembered sufficiently for a post to be possible. Glad she was able to get away from the python!
Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
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Clever ending to your story. Seems like Amanda remembered sufficiently for a post to be possible. Glad she was able to get away from the python!
Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with the descriptions. I like how you avoid those filter words - you didn't say "felt" but "Her scalp prickled with fear and regret. " Great job with bringing us into the situation! Best wishes in the contest!
And cute humor at the end.
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You did a great job with the descriptions. I like how you avoid those filter words - you didn't say "felt" but "Her scalp prickled with fear and regret. " Great job with bringing us into the situation! Best wishes in the contest!
And cute humor at the end.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
This is nicely polished writing and really captured the sense of being lost in the wild, even if it did turn out to be a daydream.
My only suggestion would be to describe the escape from the phantom python a little more vividly. You say Amanda "struggled free" but just a few words of describing her physical actions during the escape would've topped it off nicely.
Her scalp prickled (nice verb)
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This is nicely polished writing and really captured the sense of being lost in the wild, even if it did turn out to be a daydream.
My only suggestion would be to describe the escape from the phantom python a little more vividly. You say Amanda "struggled free" but just a few words of describing her physical actions during the escape would've topped it off nicely.
Her scalp prickled (nice verb)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
Comment from JSD
An amusing twist at the end. This is well described. You have a great ability to make the scene live and to take us into the poor lady's predicament. Well done and good luck in the competition.
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An amusing twist at the end. This is well described. You have a great ability to make the scene live and to take us into the poor lady's predicament. Well done and good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
Comment from royowen
I loved the ending of this flash fiction, this was a bit of a genius job, and excellent entry in this contest, I love cleverness and witty plots, well done you've worked a little magic, well done, blessings Rot
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I loved the ending of this flash fiction, this was a bit of a genius job, and excellent entry in this contest, I love cleverness and witty plots, well done you've worked a little magic, well done, blessings Rot
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Good thing you remembered.That was a good quick story. It was very descriptive and full of suspense.The story flowed well and ended as a reader starts to anticipate it will.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Good thing you remembered.That was a good quick story. It was very descriptive and full of suspense.The story flowed well and ended as a reader starts to anticipate it will.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Thanks for taking the time to review! Much appreciated.