conquer the mind,body,and soul
conquering peace3 total reviews
Comment from Jade Lynn
I love the repetition. It forces the reader to pay attention to every word to see how each line differs from the next. It makes you think. There's also a powerful message about connection in this poem. In English grammar, you would typically change "a" to "an" when preceding a word that starts with a vowel - see lines 6+7 (a active -> an active) and lines 9+10 (a energy -> an energy).
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I love the repetition. It forces the reader to pay attention to every word to see how each line differs from the next. It makes you think. There's also a powerful message about connection in this poem. In English grammar, you would typically change "a" to "an" when preceding a word that starts with a vowel - see lines 6+7 (a active -> an active) and lines 9+10 (a energy -> an energy).
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
Comment from jim vecchio
five stars is touching our mind
five stars is touching our soul
five stars is touching our creative energy
energy which causes our mind, body, and soul
to be active in writing
for tht is creative, active energy!
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five stars is touching our mind
five stars is touching our soul
five stars is touching our creative energy
energy which causes our mind, body, and soul
to be active in writing
for tht is creative, active energy!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2023
Comment from Eleri
I am sorry but I really do not understand this poem. I think I have worked out what you are trying to do but the way you have expressed it is quite hard to grasp. Also some of your English is a bit suspect in places ie it should be an active as a becomes an before a vowel and the mind, body and soul are plural is so your tenth line should be are actively an energy not is actively a energy. There are several other problems in this poem but I think that the main one is that one of the functions of poetry is to entertain and this does not fulfill that function because you appear to have tied yourself in knots with it.
Eleri
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I am sorry but I really do not understand this poem. I think I have worked out what you are trying to do but the way you have expressed it is quite hard to grasp. Also some of your English is a bit suspect in places ie it should be an active as a becomes an before a vowel and the mind, body and soul are plural is so your tenth line should be are actively an energy not is actively a energy. There are several other problems in this poem but I think that the main one is that one of the functions of poetry is to entertain and this does not fulfill that function because you appear to have tied yourself in knots with it.
Eleri
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023