One Man's Calling
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "One Man's Calling, Ch 43"Following God
12 total reviews
Comment from JSD
I am a grateful beneficiary of AA and its steps. Sober fifteen months now. So this strikes a chord with me. It's lovely to see Ben making such progress, with his incredible faith always at his side. Loving this story so much.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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I am a grateful beneficiary of AA and its steps. Sober fifteen months now. So this strikes a chord with me. It's lovely to see Ben making such progress, with his incredible faith always at his side. Loving this story so much.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023
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Thank you.
And congratulations!
My brother (61) took his own life two weeks ago, mostly due to his alcoholism.
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Oh, I am so sorry. Prayers for you and him. x
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! This is a great chapter, Wayne! And you help us see how groups like Salvation Army could have spread and AA had its start. I hope that Presbyterian pastor really changes and can help others change, too!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2023
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Wow! This is a great chapter, Wayne! And you help us see how groups like Salvation Army could have spread and AA had its start. I hope that Presbyterian pastor really changes and can help others change, too!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2023
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Thank you! You make me feel terrific to hear concern over characters.
Comment from Wendy G
Another good chapter. Who would have known the Presbyterian minister was an alcoholic? But if the two can help each other - physically and spiritually then it will certainly be a cause for praise that ben was able to link them.
Wendy
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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Another good chapter. Who would have known the Presbyterian minister was an alcoholic? But if the two can help each other - physically and spiritually then it will certainly be a cause for praise that ben was able to link them.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Ben's 'calling' has many facets.
Comment from Jay Squires
In his peripheral, [In his periphery ...]
Don't care for chocolate myself." [Assuming this is Ben speaking (it's not always easy to tell), I find it difficult to believe he would take a bite of the chocolate.]
"Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you." [I'm sorry Walter, I have no idea who is speaking. If it were the one Ben had been talking to about the chocolate, why would he suddenly say, "Ben Persons!"]
"Juana's will specified that ten percent of her estate [Again ... you need to use more character tags, friend.]
Ben explained that he was just that day to meet with the Methodist pastor who Ben was certain would sponsor a chapter. [You don't need two "Ben's" in the same sentence.]
Yes, I'm afraid I had a harder time than usual, following this chapter. You have such a richness of characters and it seems a shame to make the reader have a hard time enjoying their flavor fully.
Jay
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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In his peripheral, [In his periphery ...]
Don't care for chocolate myself." [Assuming this is Ben speaking (it's not always easy to tell), I find it difficult to believe he would take a bite of the chocolate.]
"Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you." [I'm sorry Walter, I have no idea who is speaking. If it were the one Ben had been talking to about the chocolate, why would he suddenly say, "Ben Persons!"]
"Juana's will specified that ten percent of her estate [Again ... you need to use more character tags, friend.]
Ben explained that he was just that day to meet with the Methodist pastor who Ben was certain would sponsor a chapter. [You don't need two "Ben's" in the same sentence.]
Yes, I'm afraid I had a harder time than usual, following this chapter. You have such a richness of characters and it seems a shame to make the reader have a hard time enjoying their flavor fully.
Jay
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Looks like I got careless. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Ben Colder
Sounds as if God has made away for Ben who is a preaching machine. I have been there, done that, and have seen God do marvelous works for those in need. No doubt God will fulfill the plans He has for your character.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Sounds as if God has made away for Ben who is a preaching machine. I have been there, done that, and have seen God do marvelous works for those in need. No doubt God will fulfill the plans He has for your character.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Stay tuned.
And thank you immensely for the six stars!
Comment from BethShelby
It seems God is meeting Ben's need for money. It is interesting that the Presbyterian minister had a drinking problem and Ben prayed for his deliverance.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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It seems God is meeting Ben's need for money. It is interesting that the Presbyterian minister had a drinking problem and Ben prayed for his deliverance.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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I wasn't trying to cast dispersion on any particular denomination. We're all on the same ocean, just in different boats. Addictions can haunt anyone.
Thank you for your fine review.
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I understood that. It was the man an not the church at fault here.
Comment from Jim Wile
This was very interesting how Ben helped bring the Salvation Army to America. Of course, I know about AA, but I wasn't aware the Salvation Army dealt with alcohol addiction, but it makes sense, as overcoming that addiction is a form of salvation. It was wonderful how Ben got that pastor to realize his own problem with alcohol and led him to being part of the solution.
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I found the following paragraphs a little confusing on several fronts. You have a tendency to be very spare with your words, I've noticed. This is usually a good thing, something I need to be more of, yet it can lead to confusion at times, where just a few more words would give the needed clarification.
In his peripheral, Ben saw a man with a yellow-ribboned white hat board the other side of the trolley.
Standing on the street corner, his hat on the ground beside him, Ben began preaching Isaiah's message along with Jesus' whosoever salvation call. After a time, Ben stopped.
"Have a drink, Ben, isn't it?" The man in the white hat handed him a canteen. Seeing Ben's reluctance, he chuckled. "Water, Ben. It's just water."
"I see someone put a confectionary in your hat. Ghirardelli. I'm told that's the best. Don't care for chocolate myself."
Ben tasted it, the first food of his day. "Wow! This is great! What is it, again?"
"Chocolate, Ghirardelli Chocolate. Can't stand it myself."
"Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you." After a greeting and introduction to Ben's protector, Ben followed Henry to his office just around the corner.
I thought it was a little disconcerting to have Ben on the trolley, then in the next paragraph he was on the street corner preaching. Something like:
"Exiting the streetcar at his destination, Ben took up residence on the corner with his hat on the ground beside him and began preaching..."
might have been a little less jarring.
The next few paragraphs that begin with "Have a drink, Ben..." I found to be confusing as to who was saying what. Presented the way you did, it looks like each paragraph was going back and forth between Ben and Henry, but some were intended to be said by the same person. I think I would have written it as follows to make it easier to follow:
"Have a drink, Ben, isn't it?" The man in the white hat handed him a canteen. Seeing Ben's reluctance, he chuckled. "Water, Ben. It's just water. I see someone put a confectionary in your hat. Ghirardelli. I'm told that's the best."
"Don't care for chocolate myself." Ben tasted it then, his first food of the day. "Wow! This is great! What is it, again?"
"Chocolate, Ghirardelli Chocolate. Can't stand it myself. So, Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you."
After a greeting and introduction to Ben's protector, a man named Henry, Ben followed him to his office just around the corner.
The last point is, by simply saying "Henry," that assumes we've met him before and know who he is. It's important to indicate that we haven't met him yet with the words "a man named" preceding it.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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This was very interesting how Ben helped bring the Salvation Army to America. Of course, I know about AA, but I wasn't aware the Salvation Army dealt with alcohol addiction, but it makes sense, as overcoming that addiction is a form of salvation. It was wonderful how Ben got that pastor to realize his own problem with alcohol and led him to being part of the solution.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found the following paragraphs a little confusing on several fronts. You have a tendency to be very spare with your words, I've noticed. This is usually a good thing, something I need to be more of, yet it can lead to confusion at times, where just a few more words would give the needed clarification.
In his peripheral, Ben saw a man with a yellow-ribboned white hat board the other side of the trolley.
Standing on the street corner, his hat on the ground beside him, Ben began preaching Isaiah's message along with Jesus' whosoever salvation call. After a time, Ben stopped.
"Have a drink, Ben, isn't it?" The man in the white hat handed him a canteen. Seeing Ben's reluctance, he chuckled. "Water, Ben. It's just water."
"I see someone put a confectionary in your hat. Ghirardelli. I'm told that's the best. Don't care for chocolate myself."
Ben tasted it, the first food of his day. "Wow! This is great! What is it, again?"
"Chocolate, Ghirardelli Chocolate. Can't stand it myself."
"Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you." After a greeting and introduction to Ben's protector, Ben followed Henry to his office just around the corner.
I thought it was a little disconcerting to have Ben on the trolley, then in the next paragraph he was on the street corner preaching. Something like:
"Exiting the streetcar at his destination, Ben took up residence on the corner with his hat on the ground beside him and began preaching..."
might have been a little less jarring.
The next few paragraphs that begin with "Have a drink, Ben..." I found to be confusing as to who was saying what. Presented the way you did, it looks like each paragraph was going back and forth between Ben and Henry, but some were intended to be said by the same person. I think I would have written it as follows to make it easier to follow:
"Have a drink, Ben, isn't it?" The man in the white hat handed him a canteen. Seeing Ben's reluctance, he chuckled. "Water, Ben. It's just water. I see someone put a confectionary in your hat. Ghirardelli. I'm told that's the best."
"Don't care for chocolate myself." Ben tasted it then, his first food of the day. "Wow! This is great! What is it, again?"
"Chocolate, Ghirardelli Chocolate. Can't stand it myself. So, Ben Persons! I was to look you up today, send someone for you."
After a greeting and introduction to Ben's protector, a man named Henry, Ben followed him to his office just around the corner.
The last point is, by simply saying "Henry," that assumes we've met him before and know who he is. It's important to indicate that we haven't met him yet with the words "a man named" preceding it.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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I DO have a habit (style) of sparcity/economy of words - often, I'm afraid, at the expense of clarity and understanding. I try very hard to maintain the one, while achieving the other. All too often I don't get it done. Thank you for your specific observations because making the point without showing examples is about useless in terms of helpfulness.
I let my wife read your review - She said, "Wow! Some people have to pay for that kind of reviewing."
Thank you. Wish I could send you.... uh, never mind. You might figure out how to send me a bill. (smiley face here)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Ben began the day in need of finances and ended the day with a windfall! Lots of "local" history here - like Ghirardelli. I thought you had AA in mind in the one scene - I'm sure long before it was a "thing" people used their method in less organized ways. Ben will do what he needs to before moving along to the next place he's needed.
A few suggestions, plus your author's notes are full of gremlins. This website does not make posting easy - it took me 40 minutes to post Dolly yesterday because I had to keep going in to fix font size, centering, etc.
"When you do know. Look me up." I would make it one sentence with a comma after "know".
This sentence could flow better: ". . . able to help, to bolster the younger or weaker . . ." If you're talking about bolstering the younger and weaker, less commas work better.
". . . for the pioneers OF the entire westward expansion."
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Ben began the day in need of finances and ended the day with a windfall! Lots of "local" history here - like Ghirardelli. I thought you had AA in mind in the one scene - I'm sure long before it was a "thing" people used their method in less organized ways. Ben will do what he needs to before moving along to the next place he's needed.
A few suggestions, plus your author's notes are full of gremlins. This website does not make posting easy - it took me 40 minutes to post Dolly yesterday because I had to keep going in to fix font size, centering, etc.
"When you do know. Look me up." I would make it one sentence with a comma after "know".
This sentence could flow better: ". . . able to help, to bolster the younger or weaker . . ." If you're talking about bolstering the younger and weaker, less commas work better.
". . . for the pioneers OF the entire westward expansion."
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your very helpful review.
I really appreciate it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting chapter as Ben helps an alcoholic pastor and looks to join with AA. Juana has made a contribution to Ben that will make his work come more easily as he had food for himself and for others with needs.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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This is an interesting chapter as Ben helps an alcoholic pastor and looks to join with AA. Juana has made a contribution to Ben that will make his work come more easily as he had food for himself and for others with needs.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Do good and you'll find good, help and you'll be helped. Ben is an angel in disguise changing people's life with every step of the way. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Do good and you'll find good, help and you'll be helped. Ben is an angel in disguise changing people's life with every step of the way. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Yes, the life of a man with a calling.
