Br'er Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Africa Exile IV"Ex-intelligence officer's personal tragedy
12 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Nicely written, you've tempered the swearing to what is reasonable levels, they cover the sudden stresses and emotional mountains we climb. I liked this, it was very raw, emotional and believable. Good job, blessings Roy
Typo : The slide doors to (the) house's...
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Nicely written, you've tempered the swearing to what is reasonable levels, they cover the sudden stresses and emotional mountains we climb. I liked this, it was very raw, emotional and believable. Good job, blessings Roy
Typo : The slide doors to (the) house's...
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Roy. The swearing might be true to the character, but as some point - you know the rest. Wishing you a great day
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Well done
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice writing. Nice dialogue.
The suspense of what's going on is tough to take in a post, not having the book in my hands to read the following pages.
Hurry and post.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Nice writing. Nice dialogue.
The suspense of what's going on is tough to take in a post, not having the book in my hands to read the following pages.
Hurry and post.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Thank you dearly
Comment from Lisasview
Good morning from Spain, where it is a cool morning, finally, due to heavy rains yesterday.
Your writing is excellent...
I do have a question... "walking through my drawers"
I am from California, and have never heard that before.
I have heard rifling through my drawers, etc....
Please let me know...
Lisa
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Good morning from Spain, where it is a cool morning, finally, due to heavy rains yesterday.
Your writing is excellent...
I do have a question... "walking through my drawers"
I am from California, and have never heard that before.
I have heard rifling through my drawers, etc....
Please let me know...
Lisa
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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You are 100% right. Done bad job with proofing this piece.
Tell me about the rains - finally! Was also so done with the heat here in Zurich.
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Oh no worries, I am a stickler for proof reading...
Yes, still someone collar today...
Ah, you are in Zurich... My sisters are in Geneva, Lausanne,
Lisa
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Bruce, I haven't been on board with everything you've posted lately because I'm busy writing myself and my inbox is full of reads every day. I started to make some corrections, but I couldn't do that and just read it to enjoy the story. Our still-unnamed boy is hopefully going to get his act together, but in the meantime, he is a wild man.
Good action and dialogue. I'm pretty sure you told me you're just trying to get the words down and you'll worry about the edit later, so I won't concern myself so much with that today.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Bruce, I haven't been on board with everything you've posted lately because I'm busy writing myself and my inbox is full of reads every day. I started to make some corrections, but I couldn't do that and just read it to enjoy the story. Our still-unnamed boy is hopefully going to get his act together, but in the meantime, he is a wild man.
Good action and dialogue. I'm pretty sure you told me you're just trying to get the words down and you'll worry about the edit later, so I won't concern myself so much with that today.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Hey Pam! Great to see you back and I hope your writing goes well! Absolutely understand which doesn?t change the fact that I felt like a lost puppy without you here!
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I'll have you back on the leash soon enough.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I suspect there is no way in the world today where movies, scripts, and teevee offerings can be aired or reviewed without a few F-bombs and yet it still makes my skin crawl. I never have writ a piece to-date with a cuss word using *^*( iunstead.)
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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I suspect there is no way in the world today where movies, scripts, and teevee offerings can be aired or reviewed without a few F-bombs and yet it still makes my skin crawl. I never have writ a piece to-date with a cuss word using *^*( iunstead.)
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Feel free to write an essay about it and express your hatred towards profanities, Tom.
You have the language warning right on top. Opinions such as this do not contribute anything and are utterly useless for an aspiring writer - I am not talking about myself only but any other who?d want to get an opinion out of more experienced individuals. Something to keep in mind.
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Got you. No ill intent was intended
Comment from nomi338
The problem with having human heroes is they are human, and being human they are vulnerable which leads to their disappointing you at some time. It is no secret that the popularity of people like Superman and others of his ilk, they are superhuman and cannot be destroyed by disease. Thi story is gripping and I am sure is leading to something that I will surely enjoy. I look forward to the next episode.
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The problem with having human heroes is they are human, and being human they are vulnerable which leads to their disappointing you at some time. It is no secret that the popularity of people like Superman and others of his ilk, they are superhuman and cannot be destroyed by disease. Thi story is gripping and I am sure is leading to something that I will surely enjoy. I look forward to the next episode.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
Comment from Mia Twysted
To run from a life that you do not want because you can and have found something better. This piece makes some think of John Wick in a way. He found, and he lost.
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To run from a life that you do not want because you can and have found something better. This piece makes some think of John Wick in a way. He found, and he lost.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
Comment from JSD
Another gripping and excellent instalment. It's proper 'can't put it down' stuff, although I wonder if you rushed this one a bit. There are a few typos and missing words in some of your sentences. Nothing a careful proof-read won't fix. Looking forward to the next one. John
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Another gripping and excellent instalment. It's proper 'can't put it down' stuff, although I wonder if you rushed this one a bit. There are a few typos and missing words in some of your sentences. Nothing a careful proof-read won't fix. Looking forward to the next one. John
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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I wanted to get it out there to see if the fundamentals hold. I should have highlighted that it?s not proofed (omitting the point that I shouldn?t upload unless it?s prestine) but I put the value onto the story, and it was a breakthrough one. Thanks for hanging around, JSD, I really appreciate it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is another great story with tension and drama all the way through. Your attention to detail with the head wound and concussion paints a very vivid picture of your condition and your rather distorted and semi-conscious view on events. So Ben is very much taking the lead here and you are trying to keep up and be your usual vigilant self. So the shocker comes when you hear him say he wants you back to replace him. Your life has been going downhill and this offers a chance to recover from the abyss. Excellent dialogue and the last sentence is superb, summing up the depth of emotion, fatigue and shock at this point. Well done, Bruce! The only spelling error found - Precis(e)ly - 29th line from the bottom. Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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This is another great story with tension and drama all the way through. Your attention to detail with the head wound and concussion paints a very vivid picture of your condition and your rather distorted and semi-conscious view on events. So Ben is very much taking the lead here and you are trying to keep up and be your usual vigilant self. So the shocker comes when you hear him say he wants you back to replace him. Your life has been going downhill and this offers a chance to recover from the abyss. Excellent dialogue and the last sentence is superb, summing up the depth of emotion, fatigue and shock at this point. Well done, Bruce! The only spelling error found - Precis(e)ly - 29th line from the bottom. Debbie
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
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Thank you dearly, Debbie
Comment from GWHARGIS
Sorry but I'm out of sixes. This continues to keep me poised and ready for action. One thing that didn't read well. Might not bother some but I couldn't picture what you were trying to express. You say " I heard someone walking through my drawers and whistling." Gives a whole different visual. Anyway. Great action and it keeps moving forward. Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Sorry but I'm out of sixes. This continues to keep me poised and ready for action. One thing that didn't read well. Might not bother some but I couldn't picture what you were trying to express. You say " I heard someone walking through my drawers and whistling." Gives a whole different visual. Anyway. Great action and it keeps moving forward. Gretchen
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Very good point, Gretchen. Thank you very much for sharing - I removed the whistling part as it was unnecessary. Very grateful for your time and on-point advice.