A Mermaid's Tale or Tail
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "A PJ and Birthday Party"A teenager has a huge decision to make that will d
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love how you open up with the colorful sensory descriptions. It tends to set the mood. This account is like wading through a box of 64 colors of crayons. It is delightful. I hope you continue.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
  |
I love how you open up with the colorful sensory descriptions. It tends to set the mood. This account is like wading through a box of 64 colors of crayons. It is delightful. I hope you continue.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
-
Will there be a ch 4?
-
Yes
-
Wonderful !!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent story. I enjoyed reading it. Your entire presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and made him or her think. I love the dialogue and theme.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
|
This is an excellent story. I enjoyed reading it. Your entire presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and made him or her think. I love the dialogue and theme.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from JSD
Aww. Cute. The stuff of fantasy and dreams. And why not. I'm excited to imagine where this is going next. Really engaging and fun writing. The tone is happy and celebratory. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
|
Aww. Cute. The stuff of fantasy and dreams. And why not. I'm excited to imagine where this is going next. Really engaging and fun writing. The tone is happy and celebratory. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Ulla
Ah so Seana is a half mermaid on weekends only. I do understand her question because I have the same one. How does that work? But I will have to wait and see. I like this story already. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
|
Ah so Seana is a half mermaid on weekends only. I do understand her question because I have the same one. How does that work? But I will have to wait and see. I like this story already. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.Have a blessed day.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well this is definitely different and I should have read the title of the book in preparation for the ending of this chapter. You included a lot here and already I have a pretty clear picture of it all. Good pace and descriptive detail with Seana the central figure. This is going to be a fun story with the friends aiding and abetting Seana in her half-mermaid lifestyle. No changes recommended. Thanks for sharing Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
|
Well this is definitely different and I should have read the title of the book in preparation for the ending of this chapter. You included a lot here and already I have a pretty clear picture of it all. Good pace and descriptive detail with Seana the central figure. This is going to be a fun story with the friends aiding and abetting Seana in her half-mermaid lifestyle. No changes recommended. Thanks for sharing Debbie
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's a safe bet that most girls have seen Muriel in the Little Mermaid movie and television shows. And I'm sure they will all enjoy reading your story about Seana being a half mermaid on weekends. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
|
It's a safe bet that most girls have seen Muriel in the Little Mermaid movie and television shows. And I'm sure they will all enjoy reading your story about Seana being a half mermaid on weekends. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from royowen
Having watched episodes of mermaid stories with my dear granddaughter, (not that I'm terribly interested in watching them, but I love my granddaughter so I do) so I understand some of the concepts, but I did like reading yours dear friend because it connects with me, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
|
Having watched episodes of mermaid stories with my dear granddaughter, (not that I'm terribly interested in watching them, but I love my granddaughter so I do) so I understand some of the concepts, but I did like reading yours dear friend because it connects with me, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
-
You too
Comment from lyenochka
Well, everything sounded like a normal teen gathering with talks about boys and dressing up and taking forever to get ready. But then the bomb is dropped about Seana being half mermaid. And the seahorse pendant giving special ideas is very cool!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
|
Well, everything sounded like a normal teen gathering with talks about boys and dressing up and taking forever to get ready. But then the bomb is dropped about Seana being half mermaid. And the seahorse pendant giving special ideas is very cool!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars. Have a blessed day.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like the story. I pointed a few problems with dialogue, but there are many more dialogue problems. You might want to review the guidelines for writing dialogue.
What's up, Cory, with Charlie following you around all night? Seana asked. (dialogue, try - "What's up, Cory, with Charlie following you around all night?" Seana asked.)
Mrs. Parish said we should hang around together since we are playing Romeo and Juliet in the spring play. He is attached to my hip everywhere I go. (dialogue again, quotation marks needed)
Juliana piped up, "he's in my French II class." (capital 'H' on 'He's)
Cory had a puzzled look on her face, "Shouldn't he be in French III as a senior?"
They all looked at Seana. She shrugged, "I don't know him at all."
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
|
I really like the story. I pointed a few problems with dialogue, but there are many more dialogue problems. You might want to review the guidelines for writing dialogue.
What's up, Cory, with Charlie following you around all night? Seana asked. (dialogue, try - "What's up, Cory, with Charlie following you around all night?" Seana asked.)
Mrs. Parish said we should hang around together since we are playing Romeo and Juliet in the spring play. He is attached to my hip everywhere I go. (dialogue again, quotation marks needed)
Juliana piped up, "he's in my French II class." (capital 'H' on 'He's)
Cory had a puzzled look on her face, "Shouldn't he be in French III as a senior?"
They all looked at Seana. She shrugged, "I don't know him at all."
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback. I will take care of these issues.