Br'er Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Heart of Knives"Ex-intelligence officer's personal tragedy
10 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I've been told mentions of food in our stories are crowd pleasers. There were many opportunities in my books Traffic 1 & 2 when my main character was a chef. Yum. This is a strong example of foreshadowing: "Obviously, I didn't know that my life would turn to shit in the coming months." Is Heart of Knives an allusion to Tarot cards? The reader will be drawn to the next chapter: "I didn't know that I would be recruited to an international intelligence agency. I didn't know that I would lose Lea."
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I've been told mentions of food in our stories are crowd pleasers. There were many opportunities in my books Traffic 1 & 2 when my main character was a chef. Yum. This is a strong example of foreshadowing: "Obviously, I didn't know that my life would turn to shit in the coming months." Is Heart of Knives an allusion to Tarot cards? The reader will be drawn to the next chapter: "I didn't know that I would be recruited to an international intelligence agency. I didn't know that I would lose Lea."
Comment Written 22-Aug-2023
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ok. I'm going to have to go back to the beginning and read to catch up. I like the descriptive add on you use while moving the scene along. This was one of those movie moments that make you say "their life would have turned out so different if ... didn't happen. Great chapter. Gretchen
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Ok. I'm going to have to go back to the beginning and read to catch up. I like the descriptive add on you use while moving the scene along. This was one of those movie moments that make you say "their life would have turned out so different if ... didn't happen. Great chapter. Gretchen
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Great writing. I have so many questions wanting to know what is next. You have left us in such a way that guarantees we will return for more. That a good author. Thank you for sharing it with us.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Great writing. I have so many questions wanting to know what is next. You have left us in such a way that guarantees we will return for more. That a good author. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Thanks for your continuous support, Barbara. Having the published Author commenting on my work is absolutely motivating.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Interludes are a wonderful device for introducing totally different direction to a novel I have found. It's strange, because I have never seen them in a published work, but I like them. However, I have always found the secret is to keep things secret. I remembered Lea and that things fell apart after the death of their daughter. Thus, I would have left the last paragraph as one line "I couldn't have imagined that so soon after that night everything was going to collapse around my ears." (or some such) leaving the reader to wonder for now how he went from chef to secret service... bombarding the reader with too much information is a tough line to take. Otherwise, this was an extremely well-conceived chapter. Note, it seems your SPAGs are dwindling to nothing. Well done! kay
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Interludes are a wonderful device for introducing totally different direction to a novel I have found. It's strange, because I have never seen them in a published work, but I like them. However, I have always found the secret is to keep things secret. I remembered Lea and that things fell apart after the death of their daughter. Thus, I would have left the last paragraph as one line "I couldn't have imagined that so soon after that night everything was going to collapse around my ears." (or some such) leaving the reader to wonder for now how he went from chef to secret service... bombarding the reader with too much information is a tough line to take. Otherwise, this was an extremely well-conceived chapter. Note, it seems your SPAGs are dwindling to nothing. Well done! kay
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Actually, I am taking a completely new direction with this. Your fantastic memory serves you well, but Lea is a completely different character I discovered. There are major changes to the upcoming story coming, and this is one of them.
Layla - her name to be changed for sure - will serve as the first wife of the protagonist. That is once he's an established intel officer already.
Lea (her name will remain the same I believe) will serve as the triggering point in the plot that pushed the protagonist into the world he'll find himself in the novel.
There was a lot of thought put into this as I didn't want there to be a single breaking point for the character. It'd be cheesy and overused. There will be more, adding to the tragedy and that'll explain his rage in more detail.
Kay - welcome back to Br'er Rabbit and I hope you stick around. Thanks a lot for your kind feedback.
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So, my memory is not so fantastic. I should have worked out that there were two different women - I'm pretty dense sometimes. I must read less!!! kay
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Kay, your memory is fantastic. I published the original story by end of July and you remembered.
Sending my love.
Comment from JSD
More excellent writing. The good food and preparation reminded me of James Bond. It's a shame it has to end but it was a lovely interlude. Beautifully described.
John
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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More excellent writing. The good food and preparation reminded me of James Bond. It's a shame it has to end but it was a lovely interlude. Beautifully described.
John
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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More to come, good Sir. Trying to balance the excess of brutality and dirt while contributing to the story. Thanks for sticking with me and the book, John. Much, much appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Writing and reading doesn't get better than this, and if it did, it would be an overkill. And unlike most, you put this part where it belongs, after the action has begun, and not at the beginning. Plus, it gives us a glimpse at the writer's hidden sensitivities. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Writing and reading doesn't get better than this, and if it did, it would be an overkill. And unlike most, you put this part where it belongs, after the action has begun, and not at the beginning. Plus, it gives us a glimpse at the writer's hidden sensitivities. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Sensiti-what? Seivitis-? Nothing like that. As Wayne said - Hot Sex & Dramatic action. Thanks, a lot, good Sir. Always happy to see you here.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Cheesy, to use your word, and easily dismissed as a 'Hallmark' piece until the last paragraph, which turns what came before into a set-up instead of the main course.
But cheesy isn't right. It was well-constructed with good dialogue. Nice work. It's just that the promise of hot sex and dramatic action to follow...
It deserves the six.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Cheesy, to use your word, and easily dismissed as a 'Hallmark' piece until the last paragraph, which turns what came before into a set-up instead of the main course.
But cheesy isn't right. It was well-constructed with good dialogue. Nice work. It's just that the promise of hot sex and dramatic action to follow...
It deserves the six.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Wow, thank you dearly, Wayne. Hot Sex and Dramatic Action should be the name of this book. Eternally grateful.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Okay, now I'm hungry!
For the dumb American, what is "uni"?
What a beautiful picture of young love - and "broke" sometimes fuels those feelings because you are forced to enjoy each other without the distractions money can bring.
Very well written, Bruce. If I have any criticism, it's that you give away too much in that last paragraph. You could tell us that things are going to change - to be flipped upside down - without giving us so much information. Leave us wondering HOW, WHAT is going to happen that changes his life so completely. And don't tell us he'll lose Lea - we find that out and are shocked!
But that is my suggestion alone, and I found this "interlude" so lovely and interesting because I know what your protagonist becomes.
By the way, do we know his name?
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Okay, now I'm hungry!
For the dumb American, what is "uni"?
What a beautiful picture of young love - and "broke" sometimes fuels those feelings because you are forced to enjoy each other without the distractions money can bring.
Very well written, Bruce. If I have any criticism, it's that you give away too much in that last paragraph. You could tell us that things are going to change - to be flipped upside down - without giving us so much information. Leave us wondering HOW, WHAT is going to happen that changes his life so completely. And don't tell us he'll lose Lea - we find that out and are shocked!
But that is my suggestion alone, and I found this "interlude" so lovely and interesting because I know what your protagonist becomes.
By the way, do we know his name?
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Absolutely no idea, Pam. I am contemplating daily whether to name him or just leave it to the reader.
On the suggestion - I gave it a long thought and it's clear that he'll loose her. We're somewhere in the 7-8th chapter and I didn't manage to touch on the topic related to his ex-wife and daughter from his Baghdad period.
The structure of the manuscript is chaotic. I started near the middle of it and I am yet to find the appropriate structure, but I am 100% sure that this one's in the right place and says what it needs to say. It's the first out of 3-4 interludes.
I believe that the part about Lea breakup will be evidently clear at this point and questions asked should revolve around why and what happened that he ended up doing contract killing in Africa, snorting heroin and being a total mess of an ex-intelligence officer.
It is my fault due to my chaotic writing that not everything is clear, but I sincerely hope you bear with me throughout the process. Timeline for the next 4 chapters (i.e. the stories) is taped to my apartment's wall (I am not even kidding - I am consumed by it) and the Heart of Knives needed to happen here.
Again, thanks a lot for your time and invaluable feedback, Pam.
P.S. I forgot to answer - I refer to the University.
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You should see my whiteboard in my office - notes all over it!
Of course, I'll hang in there. I like the backstory.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Must be something in the water for here is yet another submission talking about food and recipes this morning.
That is an interesting title for a novel. Where did that come from?
Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Must be something in the water for here is yet another submission talking about food and recipes this morning.
That is an interesting title for a novel. Where did that come from?
Good luck.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Tom. I invite you to read the first story I've published here (marked as a prologue to the book). The title is a homage to the place where the major event will unfold, while also subtly indicating the similarities between the character from African folklore and the story's protagonist. After originally publishing the piece, I had no idea that I would receive so many words of encouragement to expand it into a novel, so I didn't give the title much thought initially. As I continue to work on the story and expand it, I find myself growing more attached to it. Thank you for your time and your comment.
Comment from nonajmoss
Well now I am interested in what's going to happen next! So good job in that area. It seems to be the start of an interesting story. You almost lost me at the food talk though.
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Well now I am interested in what's going to happen next! So good job in that area. It seems to be the start of an interesting story. You almost lost me at the food talk though.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023