Passion For Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Deathly Immortality "Book 3 of assorted poems
8 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You show the changing of the desert sands very creatively with unique descriptions in this free verse, Lea
grains of fraudulence - great phrasing. Lovely read,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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You show the changing of the desert sands very creatively with unique descriptions in this free verse, Lea
grains of fraudulence - great phrasing. Lovely read,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Thank you Valda! I I appreciate your comments and your insight into this phone. Thank you so much, enjoy your day!
Comment from Isabel Fontes
A poem that incorporates diverse words and unconventional angles to stimulate the reader's thoughts.
The poem's poetry liberates us to explore complex emotions, envisioning them as puzzle pieces that crave connection.
The poem's structured flow and vivid imagery are truly admirable.
I really enjoyed the reading.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023
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A poem that incorporates diverse words and unconventional angles to stimulate the reader's thoughts.
The poem's poetry liberates us to explore complex emotions, envisioning them as puzzle pieces that crave connection.
The poem's structured flow and vivid imagery are truly admirable.
I really enjoyed the reading.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023
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Thank you again Isabel! You're insight is very refreshing. The way you're right, too, is exquisite. Not only in your reviews but in your own personal work as well. So again, I thank you. I hope you're having the best evening!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This has some intriguing personification going on. I also really like the phrase 'grains of fraudulence.'
I kind of wanted to tweak two words.
Instead of 'slipping pale sheets' I was wondering if you meant something closer to 'slick pale sheets' to indicate that they seemed slippery.
I also wanted to change 'mummific' to 'mummified.' I notice another reader pointed out 'beautific' should be something else, maybe 'beautiful' or 'deceptively beautiful.' I would add an apostrophe after travelers. The other reviewer said to spell 'travelers' with two L's, but I always go for the American spelling of one L.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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This has some intriguing personification going on. I also really like the phrase 'grains of fraudulence.'
I kind of wanted to tweak two words.
Instead of 'slipping pale sheets' I was wondering if you meant something closer to 'slick pale sheets' to indicate that they seemed slippery.
I also wanted to change 'mummific' to 'mummified.' I notice another reader pointed out 'beautific' should be something else, maybe 'beautiful' or 'deceptively beautiful.' I would add an apostrophe after travelers. The other reviewer said to spell 'travelers' with two L's, but I always go for the American spelling of one L.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Hi, yes, thank you so much for pointing those things out. I went ahead and made corrections. I changed the word mummific to mummified, I went from slippery to slick and I also changed the word beautific to spell binding....better I think. Thank you again for your review for your kind comments! I always appreciate your reviews they're so helpful. Have a great day!
Comment from JSD
Right. You get six for the brilliance.
Now do the corrections:
1. travellers (no apostrophe)
2. beautiful or beatific
3. Loses, not looses
4. traveller's. Two 'l's. But if it's plural, then you need travellers'.
Put a full stop at the end, to match the rest.
You're amazing. x
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Right. You get six for the brilliance.
Now do the corrections:
1. travellers (no apostrophe)
2. beautiful or beatific
3. Loses, not looses
4. traveller's. Two 'l's. But if it's plural, then you need travellers'.
Put a full stop at the end, to match the rest.
You're amazing. x
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Good morning thank you so much again for your fabulous review! And thank you for the corrections and tips as well. I'm very much appreciating it. I better check my program LOL. I have now made the corrections. And I thank you again for this fine rating. I appreciate it very much, enjoy your day!
Comment from Lordinajamjar
Rarely do I come across a poem that compels me to stay awhile to reread the verse over and over again in order to bathe in its poetic delivery and breathe in the nuances of the haunting mystical imagery conjured from the mind of a truly gifted poet. This truly is one such poem that showcases your terrific talent and was an absolute joy to read. I have always believed that predetermined rhyming verse and exact syllable counts and such is an unwanted awkward constraint that limits the poet into producing verse that falls short of its true potential.
I only wish I could give you a sixer and had the ability to express how truly impressive your masterfully crafted mosaic of poetic free verse truly is.
Bravo, well done.
John
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Rarely do I come across a poem that compels me to stay awhile to reread the verse over and over again in order to bathe in its poetic delivery and breathe in the nuances of the haunting mystical imagery conjured from the mind of a truly gifted poet. This truly is one such poem that showcases your terrific talent and was an absolute joy to read. I have always believed that predetermined rhyming verse and exact syllable counts and such is an unwanted awkward constraint that limits the poet into producing verse that falls short of its true potential.
I only wish I could give you a sixer and had the ability to express how truly impressive your masterfully crafted mosaic of poetic free verse truly is.
Bravo, well done.
John
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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I am so pleased you'd like it. I never wrote a thing until a few months ago. And I tried it just to see what would happen and now look I have your excellent opinion that encourages me to keep writing. Thank you, I am honored and pleased. I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Comment from Claire Tennant
I love this poem. Your words are taken from an angle that makes the reader think. You may be stating the obvious, but to those like myself whose imagination is curtailed by thoughts of heat, sand and loneliness, the words are educational and beautiful. I wish you well in this contest and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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I love this poem. Your words are taken from an angle that makes the reader think. You may be stating the obvious, but to those like myself whose imagination is curtailed by thoughts of heat, sand and loneliness, the words are educational and beautiful. I wish you well in this contest and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Thank you Claire! I'm so glad you liked it! I appreciate your kind review and thoughtful words. Your insight to is spot on!
Thank you again have a great night!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What a point of view about these travelers stuck in the sand or sand storm. If they didn't survive, they will be mummies so they will be there for thousands of years.
Well done.
Pantgynt will teach another Free Verse Class starting on September 19th. Twice per week for four weeks. I took about five classes from him and it was fun. I have learnt so much about meters and Sonnets from him. He will post a poem about this class on Sunday. SugarRay77 and I will take it for sure.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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What a point of view about these travelers stuck in the sand or sand storm. If they didn't survive, they will be mummies so they will be there for thousands of years.
Well done.
Pantgynt will teach another Free Verse Class starting on September 19th. Twice per week for four weeks. I took about five classes from him and it was fun. I have learnt so much about meters and Sonnets from him. He will post a poem about this class on Sunday. SugarRay77 and I will take it for sure.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much, yes awesome tip. I wouldn't mind checking out that class for sure. there's things I could learn I have no doubt.
Thank you again! Always happy to hear from you! Enjoy your evening!
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Pantygyne will also give out a scholarship so you can take it for free via Zoom. Otherwise it costs $100.
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Thx!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love these lines - no grip in the living sands, grains of fraudulence.
Bearing new lands with sandy hair twirling in the wind - and your message is straight to the point. I can say that I have been in the desert Sahara for one night, and I have seen how the road shifted under the sand. In the morning when I wake up, the room was filled with sand. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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I love these lines - no grip in the living sands, grains of fraudulence.
Bearing new lands with sandy hair twirling in the wind - and your message is straight to the point. I can say that I have been in the desert Sahara for one night, and I have seen how the road shifted under the sand. In the morning when I wake up, the room was filled with sand. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much, I'm happy to receive your review and your kind comments Iza. I very much appreciative your time and insight. Thank you!