Pinocchio
Lying gets you in trouble.3 total reviews
Comment from CD Richards
Just goes to show the trouble we can get into when we keep the wrong company. Thanks for sharing this faithful rendition of Pinocchio's story. All the best, Craig
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2023
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Just goes to show the trouble we can get into when we keep the wrong company. Thanks for sharing this faithful rendition of Pinocchio's story. All the best, Craig
Comment Written 22-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from jim vecchio
An interesting take on this contest. Just suggestions: Since the last two stanzas have four lines, perhaps you could fashion the first two into four lines, as well. Since there is no rhyme scheme, it could be easy. The second stanza already has the partial makings of a line. the second and third lines could read: "He began to tell lies" followed by "his nose grew and grew".
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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An interesting take on this contest. Just suggestions: Since the last two stanzas have four lines, perhaps you could fashion the first two into four lines, as well. Since there is no rhyme scheme, it could be easy. The second stanza already has the partial makings of a line. the second and third lines could read: "He began to tell lies" followed by "his nose grew and grew".
Comment Written 18-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your help and kind review! I did what you suggested.
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You're a good writer. Those were just suggestions. I have profited much from the suggestions I received on this site!
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Thank you for your compliment! It means a lot.
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Your words mean a lot to me. Maybe when this contest is over, I can become a fan of yours. Right now, I can't know your identity by the rules.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I think you did a good job incorporating the whole plot of Pinocchio. I would just point out to be sure to capitalize his name in the second to last stanza.
In these lines:
An evil pupeteer kidnapped him
I think you mean:
An evil puppeteer kidnapped him
This line is a little awkward:
ever since his lies, his nose grown
Maybe try:
Ever since he told lies, his nose has grown
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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I think you did a good job incorporating the whole plot of Pinocchio. I would just point out to be sure to capitalize his name in the second to last stanza.
In these lines:
An evil pupeteer kidnapped him
I think you mean:
An evil puppeteer kidnapped him
This line is a little awkward:
ever since his lies, his nose grown
Maybe try:
Ever since he told lies, his nose has grown
Comment Written 18-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023
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Thank you! I have fixed the mistakes. Thank you for your help!
