Comment from BenThrone

Exceptional

I happily admit to being jealous of this poem, which is excellent. There is not a thing I would change. Greek mythology used to be an obsession of mine, and I enjoyed briefly immersing myself in that world once again. The meter, rhyme scheme, and refrain all contribute to verse that is as pleasing to listen to as it is to read silently. This is something to be proud of.

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023

Thanks so much for the very kind words and the stellar rating. I'm glad you seem to have enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. Cheers, Craig

reply by BenThrone on 04-Sep-2023

You are quite welcome!

Comment from Terry Broxson

Excellent

I am sorry, I don't have a six. This is very well done, and your author notes were very helpful for people like me who don't know Greek mythology very well.

One thought intrigued me about the poem. Since the poet admitted to being both a Jekyll and Hyde, I did wonder if his soul might also be split...one to Tartarus and one to Asphodel Meadows. Excellent work. Terry.

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023

Now that's an interesting concept. Half a soul in each? Eeek. Actually, the Jekyll/Hyde thing isn't really accurate. I'd say it's more like an average of the two all the time... not really a saint, but not an evil type, either. Just an average person. Thanks for the kind words, and slightly disturbing thought! :)

reply by Terry Broxson on 24-Aug-2023

My first thought was exactly what you said, they just averaged each other out, but I thought...umm interesting if they could be spilt...either way great poem and thought-provoking as good poetry should be.

Comment from Eleri

Excellent

This is a great idea for a Kyrielle and I like your refrain. You have managed to keep a steady metre throughout and your rhyming is generally very good. The only bit that I would change is the third line of the first stanza as you have swapped the word order round to get the rhyme and it reads oddly, ie in English it would be 'since I am neither good nor bad'. I would recommend a different line with a different rhyme for 'me' there.
Eleri

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Thank you for the kind comments and advice. It wouldn't be uncommon to hear a person in the south-west of England (or a pirate!) say "I be". But I do get your point that for most readers it sounds odd. Maybe I'll rework it some time :)

Comment from Alexandra Trovato

Excellent

Creative and interesting! I truly enjoyed reading your work. It's an excellent presentation! You've used imagery and specific words that draw in a reader. I best enjoyed
Best wishes! Alexandra

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Thank you very much for the kind comments :) Craig

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

I regret that I have no six star rating to pay the poet for this piece. If this doesn't win, something is wrong. You have my vote for sure. It's sophisticated and humorous at the same time. Quite the feat!
Thanks for the extensive notes. Even though I had a general understanding of all the terms, I was about to start goggling.
Once again you have managed to make this such a heartfelt, personal piece. Sometimes Jekyll sometimes Hyde. That is so you. But then, if we'd just admit it, aren't we all? Asphodel Meadows beckons me as well.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Thanks, Debbie, for the lovely comments and the virtual six. Both are very much appreciated. I kind of like the idea the Greeks had of the afterlife. If we have to have one, I think that's a pretty good model. Don't forget to bring a picnic blanket :)

Comment from mrsmajor

Excellent

Hi, Craig
Though I'm not one that has ever read such mythical tales, I can tell you enjoyed writing this.The picture of is very calming also something that you would find peaceful, given your caring for those that live in
such places...oh yes close by to you also.
I enjoyed reading this, and of course I'd love Elysium, but not being "noble", I'm going to be satisfied with "Asphodal Meadow, when it's time to rest these old bones, certainly not
Tartarus.
Until then I guess I'll just make myself happy with a virtual tea party on my backyard sunny porch....with all of my special friends near me...Thanks for sharing...Is that You!!

All the best,
Warmly,
Victoria

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2023

Victoria! It's wonderful to see you back here after so long! Break out the finest silver service, sweep off the porch and get those scones in the oven :) I hope the fact that you're up to rejoining us means your health is improving. We have missed you here in Elysium Downs ;-) Craig

reply by mrsmajor on 22-Aug-2023

Yes, I was quiet for a time, but kept up my subscription so I could read
the work of so many writers that I enjoy....and I find it's still possible to create something worthy of reading again too...after all on September 1st, I will be 89 years old...
When it come to my health
I'm truly blessed...but it seems
whenever problems arise there's a
a friend that can encourage. It's
amazing how such a friend can
know what to say. I haven't spoken
to her in a while...can't always get
through down there...

So good to see you, Craig, take care
of yourself, and stay with us...
All the best, always...hmmmm a friend of mine promised me some
special pastries for my tea party..I'll have to remind that person, I
will be expecting them...
The piece was really interesting, i do
enjoy learning...and there's always
something new out there...for us old
folks...not you, me...lol

Warmly, with a big hugs too,
Victoria

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Craig, I am so sorry to have missed this one! It's beautifully expressed in this kyrielle and explained well in the notes. And thank you so much for your explanation of both tartarus and asphodel meadows, the latter sounding idyllic even if we don't get to paradise:) I think in the last stanza 'plane' should be 'plain' but this is incidental given your skilful achievement here. Well done! Debbie

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2023

Hi Debbie,
You wouldn't have seen a notification about it, as it was in a blind contest, so no worries :)
The expression is "higher plane", meaning a higher level.
Thanks for the kind review :)
Craig

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 22-Aug-2023

Sorry Craig, you're right. Well done on second placing! Well deserved and probably should have come first.

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 22-Aug-2023

Please also accept this as a virtual six. I'm so fed up with the miserly offering we get:(

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2023

Thanks again! :)

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I enjoyed your kyrielle poem and all the great information in your notes. I only knew about Charon and the Elysian Fields. I like the humble and simple tone of this poem. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023

Thank you for the kind comments!

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

I love your poem about death from Greek mythology point of view.

The rhymes and meter are not forced and the poem flows well.

the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.

Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalisl

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023

Thanks for the complimentary comments, Gypsy. Very much appreciated.

Comment from Cindy Decker 2

Exceptional

Author,
I love your poem about life after life. Your words flow;
Your unique poem really stands out.
Good luck in the contest!
I hope you win.
Blessings,
Cindy

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023

Thank you so much for the good luck wishes and the encouraging words and rating, Cindy. All are very much appreciated.