Comment from lancellot

Excellent

This is a good, detailed chapter (sort of). As I may have mentioned, it does require a dose of suspension of disbelief in many areas, the proposals and wedding too. I like how the game is being shown and spread, even if, them moving from town to town (safely and quickly), selling and teaching the sport to basically subsistence farmers is stretching things.

I do have to ask, considering the ages of the characters in this section. Who is the target audience?

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023

I would agree that this story is a somewhat romanticized version of the middle ages, but this is a little before the plagues and the nasty stuff happened. I think their primary audience was not so much peasants but freemen and nobles. It was the landowners who let them make demonstration holes on their land. Bona-fide peasants wouldn't have had much time for golf. Our 4 kids are all freemen, so their life was a little better than peasants.

As to the audience, I'm hoping it will appeal to older YA and adults. If Part 1, the main characters are kids, but they get progressively older as we get into Parts 2 and 3.

Comment from Julie Lau

Excellent

This is so intriguing, Jim! Please tell me, is any of this based on recorded, historical truth, or is it all from your fertile imagination? I love the idea of them going from fair to fair to promote their game, the perfectly logical method for those times. Yours, Julie

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2023

The only real facts I had to go on, as there is very little written about the game in 13th century Holland, was that it was originally played on the ice in winter, and the object was to hit a ball to a target or hole in the ice with a stick. During the rest of the year, it moved to the countryside and the holes were much further apart. It was called kolf or kolven, and the balls and clubs were made of wood. That's pretty much it. The rest was from my "fertile imagination" as you so eloquently put it.

reply by Julie Lau on 12-Aug-2023

That's certainly an adequate historical basis! Do the Dutch play much golf now, I wonder?
Cheers, Julie

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Oh, my! We went from innocence to carnal knowledge in one big jump! I had to laugh that they played golf afterward; it sounds like a typical weekend for any married couple - sex, golf, and food:-)

I feel as though years have flown by in this chapter, even though only one has. I also feel like we've set off in a new direction, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it leads.

Pam

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2023

I thought it would be too cliched to have them smoke afterwards!

It will lead to my favorite part of Part 1: the golf tournament. Hope you'll find it equally enjoyable to read.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Well, it seems like that double wedding was perfect and what an unusual lord of that time to provide for people who were no longer indentured to him!

I'm glad that the group of five can travel to promote kolven. But who's taking care of the sheep? I guess I always think of those times as not having any time for entertainment or sports, especially the lower class members of society.

Comment on capitalization:
The Lord had freed our family (lord) otherwise one thinks you're talking about God. In "Lord of the Manor" it could be title, so that can be capitalized.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2023

His two brothers were taking care of the sheep in his stead. I will have to make more of this in my second draft.

Good suggestion about the lord. You're correct that Lord of the Manor (his title) is capitalized, but Lord shouldn't be (just like calling your mother Mother.) Thanks!

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

After I made the point just below, I happened to notice a large number of "woulds" and, honestly, nearly all of them could have been replaced by the simple past tense. (So, the one below is the first time I mentioned it.)

When we would arrive at a new town, [I don't know that the simple past tense wouldn't work as well here, and sound less formal: "When we arrived at a new town ..."

If someone else decides to hold a competition in the future, they would be free to set their own rules, but this one is ours. [If someone else DECIDED to hold ... but this one WAS ours.]

I didn't mean to get so hung up on grammar and syntax in this chapter, Jim. It was one of those kind of broad-brush-stroke chapters, anyway, with no focus on any one event. The use of all those "woulds" tend to distance the reader from the characters. Anyway, right or wrong, that's my rationale.

Jay

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

As always, you got me thinking about writing, in this case grammar and the use of the word "would." You are absolutely right in that I could have used the simple past tense in virtually all the cases I used "would." But honestly, I didn't even think about it, and this was simply how I wrote it. So why did I choose to write it that way?

I had to look up the proper usage of "would" which is the past tense of "will," and the article I read which I will try to link to gave 15! different uses of "would," some of which are even present tense. But the one that seems most pertinent to the way I used it was "To show repetitive past action as in this example: "For a moment the plane would be airborne, then it would bump back down along the hard earth."

I was trying to stress that this was the typical pattern they followed in their travels, and it would occur multiple times. Also, your last example was another distinct usage of "would" according to the article, which was "To explain an outcome to a hypothetical situation." The "If" made it hypothetical.

I suppose I could have used the simple past tense in all cases but, as I said, I didn't even think about it; it's just what came out. But thanks for the impetus to learn more about using "would." (After all, Kilian learned about using his "wood" in this chapter.)

Click here for the article.

reply by Jay Squires on 09-Aug-2023

Not while I'm drinking coffee, bro!

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

They do have a generous lord so they could have a good life in their own home. I do wonder who watches the sheep when they are off playing golf. Having rules makes it much easier to play a game without arguing, so they have thought of that also. Good chapter.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Kilian has a couple of younger brothers who take over his chores. I will be making a little more of that in a second draft, as he does seem to have an awful lot of spare time for golf.

Those rules will figure large in what's to come.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Ew! You delved far further than you needed to, friend
Consummating relations as a Teen lasting until
Morning? Must be your DNA.
And then they Kolfed
The morning after then more on conjugality? Surprised
You did not write and Lotte. ��

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

I thought it would be too cliched to smoke after sex, so they golfed instead. Since this is first person from Kilian's point of view, he wasn't privy to what Lars and Lotte did, but I'm assuming it was something along the same lines.

reply by Tom Horonzy on 09-Aug-2023

😘

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Yes, I guess the various games have developed over time ove the days, years and decades I'm sure, the rules developing sub clauses to them as the evolved, I can think of several games that were developed in England are, (mind you, I thought golf came from Scotland)
England : Soccer. Soccer is not a 100 percent English invention, but the way we play it today is. ...
Rugby.
soccer. ...
Tennis. ...
Cricket. ...
Golf. ...
Hockey. ...
Table tennis.
Isn't it amazing how these games have been developed,, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Yes it is. I once read that golf's original rulebook had only 6 rules to it. You ought to see what it looks like today with sections and sub-sections and pages upon pages of examples and rulings.

reply by royowen on 09-Aug-2023

Yep, I agree, all modern games are organically changing all the time.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this post with us. I'm glad they're married, and it seems as if everything is going well. I'm wondering about a baby in the near future. My boys, when they play golf always play best ball. It seems to work for them. LOL

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

You're way ahead of me, Barbara.

This particular format for the matches is something I may have invented. It is sort of a cross between a scramble and an alternate-shot match in which only one ball is used for the team, but the team gets to decide who will play each shot.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

This chapter in your book continues with a very smooth transition into married life and then back to the game they so passionately love and preparation for the next competition, the rules of which are assiduously outlined here. It's all a very blissful episode in these children's life and a pleasure for the reader too. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Debbie

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Thank you for reading, Debbie. These rules will play a large role in what's to come during the matches.