Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Super Handyman Opening"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
21 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Was that the serial killer or Theo? Or a rabid newspaper fan? Who knows. I want to strangle Sara Beth. She is a self entitled unworthy snotball. I like your story. Karen NNR
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
  |
Was that the serial killer or Theo? Or a rabid newspaper fan? Who knows. I want to strangle Sara Beth. She is a self entitled unworthy snotball. I like your story. Karen NNR
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
-
Hi Karen, I guess I'm reading the reviews backwards, lol. This is so sweet to do!!
Yes, Sara Beth is a stinker!!
Thank you, thank you!!
-
nnr
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't think she will put Theo at the back of her mind, he was something special. Who was that suspicious looking man? I think he will be coming back. This story is becoming really so intriguing. Onto the next part. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
|
I don't think she will put Theo at the back of her mind, he was something special. Who was that suspicious looking man? I think he will be coming back. This story is becoming really so intriguing. Onto the next part. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
-
Yeah, Theo isn?t too far in the back of her mind. There will be more on the lurking guy, lol.
Comment from Teri7
Rhonda, This is another great chapter. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. I am enjoying reading and reviewing this very much! Can't wait for the next chapter! love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2023
|
Rhonda, This is another great chapter. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. I am enjoying reading and reviewing this very much! Can't wait for the next chapter! love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 11-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2023
-
Teri, you are so sweet to go back and find this chapter. I'm having fun writing it, but school has started back and I've fallen behind. I'll adjust to being back to work soon, and post another one.
Hugs,
Rhonda
-
I truly understand. I will just be happy to read it when you do. Having MS makes it hard for me to keep up with everybody sometimes. I try the best I can! love and blessings, teri
-
Blessing to you, too, Teri!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work. Interesting story.
and that pleased people bought multiple copies of newspapers. - This line needs a little attention.
she glanced a man out of the corner of her eye. - (at) a man????
Real, real, real..." - I read that an ellipsis that ends a sentence gets a fourth.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
|
Good work. Interesting story.
and that pleased people bought multiple copies of newspapers. - This line needs a little attention.
she glanced a man out of the corner of her eye. - (at) a man????
Real, real, real..." - I read that an ellipsis that ends a sentence gets a fourth.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
-
Hi Wayne, thank you for the careful review. I?ll go back and fix the mistakes. I didn?t know about the 4th ellipsis, but it makes sense.
Take care and thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
I like your use of strong verbs: blared, eased, wormed, filtered, wriggled which instantly evokes an image in the readers' minds. Your description of the hardware store is great as well as the Santa display. (Though I'm not certain about the reindeer inside the store.) Your introduction of the mystery man adds another question.
Suggestions to consider:
'Echo sat in her 25-year-old Impala and (looked) at the impossible crowd in front of Super Handyman.' Maybe switch out 'look' for a stronger verb: observed, surveyed, regarded.
'Just before she got there, she glanced (at) a man out of the corner of her eye.' I think you might be missing a word in this sentence, maybe 'at'?
'She (got quickly) into her car and locked the door'. Maybe switch out 'got quickly' for a stronger verb: dashed, hurried, jumped.
'When she finished, she (looked) the summary (over).' Maybe switch out 'looked over' for a stronger verb: scrutinized, examined, inspected.
'If she saw him again, she would (write) more.' Maybe switch out 'write' for 'add' since you repeat 'write' several times.
Great job, Rhonda. I am intrigued. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
|
I like your use of strong verbs: blared, eased, wormed, filtered, wriggled which instantly evokes an image in the readers' minds. Your description of the hardware store is great as well as the Santa display. (Though I'm not certain about the reindeer inside the store.) Your introduction of the mystery man adds another question.
Suggestions to consider:
'Echo sat in her 25-year-old Impala and (looked) at the impossible crowd in front of Super Handyman.' Maybe switch out 'look' for a stronger verb: observed, surveyed, regarded.
'Just before she got there, she glanced (at) a man out of the corner of her eye.' I think you might be missing a word in this sentence, maybe 'at'?
'She (got quickly) into her car and locked the door'. Maybe switch out 'got quickly' for a stronger verb: dashed, hurried, jumped.
'When she finished, she (looked) the summary (over).' Maybe switch out 'looked over' for a stronger verb: scrutinized, examined, inspected.
'If she saw him again, she would (write) more.' Maybe switch out 'write' for 'add' since you repeat 'write' several times.
Great job, Rhonda. I am intrigued. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
-
Hi Faith! Thank you for all your great suggestions! I?m will definitely look these over and make changes.
I also appreciate the positive comments about the strong verbs. You?re the greatest,
Rhonda
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story and storyline that captivated my attention throughout the entire piece! This is a very well written and well thought out piece indeed my friend;-)
I adored the characters interacting so nicely with one another.
Thanks for sharing and many blessings to you;-)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
|
Excellent story and storyline that captivated my attention throughout the entire piece! This is a very well written and well thought out piece indeed my friend;-)
I adored the characters interacting so nicely with one another.
Thanks for sharing and many blessings to you;-)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
-
Hi Melodie!
I?m so glad you dropped in to read, and I appreciate the time you took to review with care.
Blessings to you as well,
Rhonda
-
;-)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
"By the time she pulled into Bessie's driveway, she had decided to let go of the past and embrace her future. She planned to stop measuring every man she met against an old memory, whether she believed it real or not." easy to say than do:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
|
"By the time she pulled into Bessie's driveway, she had decided to let go of the past and embrace her future. She planned to stop measuring every man she met against an old memory, whether she believed it real or not." easy to say than do:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing, Iza. I appreciate the way you?ve followed my chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda----and one I can easily relate to----only two things prevent me from finding a new girl--admittedly, they're two fairly important prevents, looks and personality
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
|
Another fine chapter, Rhonda----and one I can easily relate to----only two things prevent me from finding a new girl--admittedly, they're two fairly important prevents, looks and personality
Comment Written 31-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
-
There?s someone for everyone, Mike. You just have to find the right rally to show up to with your poems, like this one, to read. You?ll dazzle the socks right off of her liberal heart.
-
Thanks, Rhonda
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very good chapter as you show Echo doing a good job of planning an article around the Super Handyman opening. Going from such a noisy busy place to interviewing a woman about a dead body is certainly an extreme difference in the articles she must write.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
|
This is a very good chapter as you show Echo doing a good job of planning an article around the Super Handyman opening. Going from such a noisy busy place to interviewing a woman about a dead body is certainly an extreme difference in the articles she must write.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
-
Very true, Carol. In a small newspaper, she has to do a lot. Thanks for noticing the contrast.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from w.j.debi
I like how you are able to balance the different elements of the overall story. You bring the craziness of the grand opening of the new store during the holidays to life. I'm with Echo, I'll do what I need to but let me out of this crazy place. You keep Theo alive with the memories that pop in and then Echo tries to dismiss. And you have the strange man who may or may not be the serial killer lurking in the parking lot. There's a lot going on and you handle it smoothly.
I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
|
I like how you are able to balance the different elements of the overall story. You bring the craziness of the grand opening of the new store during the holidays to life. I'm with Echo, I'll do what I need to but let me out of this crazy place. You keep Theo alive with the memories that pop in and then Echo tries to dismiss. And you have the strange man who may or may not be the serial killer lurking in the parking lot. There's a lot going on and you handle it smoothly.
I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
-
Thank you so much for the review, Debi, and for commenting on smoothness. It?s truly difficult to weave everything together.
Yeah, poor Echo is trying to forget? and then the lurking stranger?
I tried to keep some intrigue.
Take care,
Rhonda