Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Keeper of Images"A collection of short stories
7 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Just wonderful. It was close, but I bet you win. You are clearly the more seasoned writer. As I have been reading for 65 years, I could tell where the story would end, but you never rushed to its conclusion, it seemed to meander to it on its own.
Masterful.
Karen
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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Just wonderful. It was close, but I bet you win. You are clearly the more seasoned writer. As I have been reading for 65 years, I could tell where the story would end, but you never rushed to its conclusion, it seemed to meander to it on its own.
Masterful.
Karen
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your encouragement and kind words as well as the stars.
Comment from giraffmang
This is well-told and has a real nice tone to it.
As she entered her room, she passed the full-length mirror, leaning against the wall.- I'd remove the second comma here. It isn't necessary makes the sentence read a little awkwardly.
before she realized it was her reflection. Then she remembered, no, it was just a mirror.- this is basically saying the same thing twice.
"What if they take it away or, for that matter, take me away? " she thought.- the closing speech marks here have become inverted.
Patient: Elaine Durkin.
The fever was down by the last rounds at 3:30 A.M. Patient rested comfortably." - there is a set of closing speech marks here but no corresponding opening ones.
The final paragraph doesn't quite work for me. The final section has a change in point of view and as such this last paragraph is still in that vein. how would Molly know it was 50 years ago and the wedding night? It might seem inconsequential and most folk won't pick up on it but it may be an issue. Something to consider
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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This is well-told and has a real nice tone to it.
As she entered her room, she passed the full-length mirror, leaning against the wall.- I'd remove the second comma here. It isn't necessary makes the sentence read a little awkwardly.
before she realized it was her reflection. Then she remembered, no, it was just a mirror.- this is basically saying the same thing twice.
"What if they take it away or, for that matter, take me away? " she thought.- the closing speech marks here have become inverted.
Patient: Elaine Durkin.
The fever was down by the last rounds at 3:30 A.M. Patient rested comfortably." - there is a set of closing speech marks here but no corresponding opening ones.
The final paragraph doesn't quite work for me. The final section has a change in point of view and as such this last paragraph is still in that vein. how would Molly know it was 50 years ago and the wedding night? It might seem inconsequential and most folk won't pick up on it but it may be an issue. Something to consider
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 02-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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I made those corrections and I am so grateful for this feedback. This is why I joined fanstory.
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I made those corrections and I am so grateful for this feedback. This is why I joined fanstory.
Comment from pome lover
VERY good. a lovely fantasy story, creative and satisfying.
I wonder why the big, dark print, though? It sort of yells at you. Since the story is about an old lady and it has such a nice ending, it seems to me a softer print or script would suit the story better. Just my reaction to it. Still, a good stoty.
Katharine
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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VERY good. a lovely fantasy story, creative and satisfying.
I wonder why the big, dark print, though? It sort of yells at you. Since the story is about an old lady and it has such a nice ending, it seems to me a softer print or script would suit the story better. Just my reaction to it. Still, a good stoty.
Katharine
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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Thanks for the feedback. I corrected the print. I focus so much on the words that I don't pay attention to the visual.
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yes! much nicer. very good.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is excellent story for the Mirror Mirror challenge. It is a topic to which many can relate as they age. I image if people were dying and could choose an image to pass over to, that would make passing over into death, nicer. Very imaginative. Excellent writing! Best wishes!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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This is excellent story for the Mirror Mirror challenge. It is a topic to which many can relate as they age. I image if people were dying and could choose an image to pass over to, that would make passing over into death, nicer. Very imaginative. Excellent writing! Best wishes!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.
Comment from country ranch writer
A very beautiful yet as ending to her life yet she got to have her wish to be once again with the man she loved and wanted to be with through eternity. The mirror tells us her story of the end of her shirt stay at the assisted living home and her final keg of her journey back to be with her husband through the looking glass called the " mirror"
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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A very beautiful yet as ending to her life yet she got to have her wish to be once again with the man she loved and wanted to be with through eternity. The mirror tells us her story of the end of her shirt stay at the assisted living home and her final keg of her journey back to be with her husband through the looking glass called the " mirror"
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Comment from Debra White
Hello :)
I loved your story - it is a wonderful read and beautifully written. Lovely to read something so different and surprising.
I have no suggestions at all for improvement!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Hello :)
I loved your story - it is a wonderful read and beautifully written. Lovely to read something so different and surprising.
I have no suggestions at all for improvement!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 29-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Then I you so much for your encouragement. I'm glad you enjoyed this and thanks for the stars.
Comment from PteGIJane
I enjoyed your fictional story. Your fantasy was relevant to many seniors who end their days in assisted living or long term care. They hold on to their memories. Your mirror was symbolic of their lifetime of memories. I like the association that you made with the mirror. After their loved one is gone they long to be reunit with them. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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I enjoyed your fictional story. Your fantasy was relevant to many seniors who end their days in assisted living or long term care. They hold on to their memories. Your mirror was symbolic of their lifetime of memories. I like the association that you made with the mirror. After their loved one is gone they long to be reunit with them. Excellent work.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your review and stars. I am glad you saw the theme I wanted to convey. Thank you.