Passion For Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Bewilder"Book 3 of assorted poems
5 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
You are a gifted poet. Your poems are poetic and full of metaphors. I like the rhyming in this Sonnet. But I think the meter is not correct. Many lines start with a trochaic meter like "shredding". You have to use iambic meter.
You have to read Jim Wile's post about meters.
But this poem is very beautiful. I like it.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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You are a gifted poet. Your poems are poetic and full of metaphors. I like the rhyming in this Sonnet. But I think the meter is not correct. Many lines start with a trochaic meter like "shredding". You have to use iambic meter.
You have to read Jim Wile's post about meters.
But this poem is very beautiful. I like it.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Mention the meter according to the contest rules. I do not have to follow the meter. I simply have to have 60 syllables and rhyme. Yes, thank you so much.
Thank you for your review and for your kind comments as always. I appreciate you and all the things you have to say. And if I had to follow a specific meter, you would have just save my butt so keep on talking. Thank you very much. I appreciate all you do! Thanks again!
Comment from kahpot
Excellent, though I can't help with the form of a sonnet, I very much enjoyed what I read, your flow and use of descriptive words are wonderful, and your choice of artwork is great, very well written and presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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Excellent, though I can't help with the form of a sonnet, I very much enjoyed what I read, your flow and use of descriptive words are wonderful, and your choice of artwork is great, very well written and presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 26-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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Thank you I appreciate your kind remarks I'm quite glad you enjoyed it as I enjoy your work very much too I hope you have a great day and thank you again!
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I am not expert but I think you have the rhyme scheme correct. Not sure about the meter. The main issue I see is, the argument being presented and the twist in the third stanza. Those are not so clear. You are descriptive, yes, and heavy with the metaphors, but I don't think it's what the contest asks for. I recommend rechecking the contest page.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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Hmm, I am not expert but I think you have the rhyme scheme correct. Not sure about the meter. The main issue I see is, the argument being presented and the twist in the third stanza. Those are not so clear. You are descriptive, yes, and heavy with the metaphors, but I don't think it's what the contest asks for. I recommend rechecking the contest page.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review. And for your comments very much appreciated by me. And yes, the lambic meter in the contest rules is not required. They said as long as the 60 syllables and it rhymes. Unless I'm missing something However, I do take your comment seriously and will look again thank you so much for your comments. This is my very first Kick at the can for writing a sonnet. Really is experimental so I do very much appreciate all of your ideas and suggestions. Thank you so much again.somewhere I do appreciate you pointing it out to me You are thoughts on the third stanza Are also appreciated for which I will take another look. Thank you so much again. I hope your evening is amazing.
Comment from JSD
Hey Lea. I'm not sure this is entirely iambic but, as always, I love some of your unique turns of phrase. Some of this is brilliant, but a few phrases don't quite work, for me at any rate.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2023
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Hey Lea. I'm not sure this is entirely iambic but, as always, I love some of your unique turns of phrase. Some of this is brilliant, but a few phrases don't quite work, for me at any rate.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your thoughts and comments. Without them it just doesn't work! I have given some thought to your comments and tweaked it a bit.
Thanks again! Have a great evening!
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Yeah. Much better. Not sure about repetition of shriek in first stanza. And you need an apostrophe on wind's. X
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Fixed! Thank you!
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Fixed! Thank you!
Comment from Eleri
The form is correct here for a sonnet and the poem has some good rhyming. The last two lines work really well but, I will be honest and admit that I don't really get the rest of the poem. Also, I don't know why there is a comma after 'should' in the first line and why pleas' at the end of that stanza - pleas' what it made me ask. I am sure that I am missing something obvious but I am a simple writer and I find your references difficult to grasp here.
Good luck with it though as I am sure others will understand and enjoy your work
Eleri
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2023
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The form is correct here for a sonnet and the poem has some good rhyming. The last two lines work really well but, I will be honest and admit that I don't really get the rest of the poem. Also, I don't know why there is a comma after 'should' in the first line and why pleas' at the end of that stanza - pleas' what it made me ask. I am sure that I am missing something obvious but I am a simple writer and I find your references difficult to grasp here.
Good luck with it though as I am sure others will understand and enjoy your work
Eleri
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your thoughts and comments! Always important to me so I have taken your comments into consideration and made some cganfes. Hopefully it will help. Thx again!