2023 Gypsy's Tanka
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Today I'm Still Yours"-
11 total reviews
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your tanks poem- good syllable count and flow- nice picture presentation- poem appears to be telling of lost love - ocean symbolizing emotion - life feeling aimless - Insecurity revealed - good job AP
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
  |
I like your tanks poem- good syllable count and flow- nice picture presentation- poem appears to be telling of lost love - ocean symbolizing emotion - life feeling aimless - Insecurity revealed - good job AP
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much, my friend. May you have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from rama devi
The longing and melancholy of this one are exquisitely portrayed with apt imagery to enhance the tone and tenor. The visual presentation, likewise, also enhances delivery. The blue color scheme, font-play and images. Nice work! The consonance of T, L, M and S tie this together like phonetic macrame in counterpoint with assonance of A in the closing line with a potent shift in tone.
Well done. No nits, but one optional suggestion to consider a dash instead of a comma after line one (for a stronger dramatic pause effect).
I enjoyed this.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
|
The longing and melancholy of this one are exquisitely portrayed with apt imagery to enhance the tone and tenor. The visual presentation, likewise, also enhances delivery. The blue color scheme, font-play and images. Nice work! The consonance of T, L, M and S tie this together like phonetic macrame in counterpoint with assonance of A in the closing line with a potent shift in tone.
Well done. No nits, but one optional suggestion to consider a dash instead of a comma after line one (for a stronger dramatic pause effect).
I enjoyed this.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much, Rama Devi. I appreciate your detailed and insightful review :) I will add the dash, you are right.
May you have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
-
Thanks! Have a glorious day too!
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I like the title" today I'm still yours." It definitely is eye catching.
Prom says: "pieces of my heart scattered ..." it shows how hurt one is.
" my love still burns ..." shows how mentally one is disturbed. It is a well written poem.
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
|
I like the title" today I'm still yours." It definitely is eye catching.
Prom says: "pieces of my heart scattered ..." it shows how hurt one is.
" my love still burns ..." shows how mentally one is disturbed. It is a well written poem.
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much, my friend. May you have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from kahpot
If I had to say something it would be, I thought "useless" was a bit strong and maybe be would have gone with (aimless) or similar, but that is just me, it is very hard to get back on track after such a loss, very well presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
If I had to say something it would be, I thought "useless" was a bit strong and maybe be would have gone with (aimless) or similar, but that is just me, it is very hard to get back on track after such a loss, very well presented****kahpot
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
You are right, I changed it.
Thank you for the helpful review. :)
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Firstly, the presentation is beautiful and draws a reader in to your Tanka poem, which is authentic. The more someone is capable of loving, the more it hurts to lose who you trusted, felt the same. Light is waiting to greet your light; your love story with a true other, is waiting, even though you can not yet see it. ð???
Love
Alexan
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
Firstly, the presentation is beautiful and draws a reader in to your Tanka poem, which is authentic. The more someone is capable of loving, the more it hurts to lose who you trusted, felt the same. Light is waiting to greet your light; your love story with a true other, is waiting, even though you can not yet see it. ð???
Love
Alexan
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much for the excellent review.
Love
Marival
Comment from patcelaw
This is a lovely poem in the tanka format. I enjoyed it very much. I have a little trouble reading it because the contrast between the text in the background is very difficult for my eyes to read. But I did get the idea of the message, uncle poem. Patricia
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
This is a lovely poem in the tanka format. I enjoyed it very much. I have a little trouble reading it because the contrast between the text in the background is very difficult for my eyes to read. But I did get the idea of the message, uncle poem. Patricia
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
I typed it in my author notes for you.
Thank you very much for the excellent review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Teri7
Gypsy, This is a very beautiful and well written Tanka poem. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. I am going to bookcase this. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
Gypsy, This is a very beautiful and well written Tanka poem. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. I am going to bookcase this. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
Thank you, teri, you are very kind. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from barbara.wilkey
One may feel their life is useless, but no life is useless. When a relationship ends, we may feel useless for a while, but never is a person solely responsible for a relationship ending unless abuse is involved. I enjoyed your complete package.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
One may feel their life is useless, but no life is useless. When a relationship ends, we may feel useless for a while, but never is a person solely responsible for a relationship ending unless abuse is involved. I enjoyed your complete package.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
Thank you for understanding, Barbara, you are very kind. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
This is an accurate description of the devastation of having lost a loved one due to a breakup. One feels such hopelessness as those shattered pieces of the heart still yearns for the one who left.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
This is an accurate description of the devastation of having lost a loved one due to a breakup. One feels such hopelessness as those shattered pieces of the heart still yearns for the one who left.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much, big sister. I appreciate that you take the time to read and review my poem. I am glad you like it. May you have an awesome day.
love,
marival
-
You, too! Hope you have an awesome day and that Atticus makes you laugh. 💖🌼😊
Comment from shelley kaye
aww sad... not sure of the hot pic really goes with it well, but: hot guy = burning love lol
the second pic is perfect
a great tanka
good word choices
nice imagery
smooth rhythm and flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
|
aww sad... not sure of the hot pic really goes with it well, but: hot guy = burning love lol
the second pic is perfect
a great tanka
good word choices
nice imagery
smooth rhythm and flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
-
Thank you very much for your kind review. I appreciate that you take the time to read and review my poem. I am glad you like it. May you have an awesome day.
Gypsy