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Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Story Time"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
22 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I can sense trouble coming. I also sense that Theo watches her. He will save her. But it will not turn out completely well. Don't tell me anything, I am just musing. Karen NNR
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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I can sense trouble coming. I also sense that Theo watches her. He will save her. But it will not turn out completely well. Don't tell me anything, I am just musing. Karen NNR
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Not a word...
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nnr
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sarah Beth really does need to get a life! What a catty woman. This serial killer sounds dangerous, I don't mean his killing isn't, but if he likes to be written about, that can make him even worse. I think Echo should spend more time on the new store openings. But, I don't think she'll be easy on the serial killer, for the simple reason, he's big news! Another excellent chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Sarah Beth really does need to get a life! What a catty woman. This serial killer sounds dangerous, I don't mean his killing isn't, but if he likes to be written about, that can make him even worse. I think Echo should spend more time on the new store openings. But, I don't think she'll be easy on the serial killer, for the simple reason, he's big news! Another excellent chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2023
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Thank you, again, Sandra!
Yes, Sara Beth is a hot mess, but has a few redeeming qualities.
Comment from Pam (respa)
Good artwork for your chapter, Rhonda. You wrote this very well, and create a vivid word picture of this local newsroom with its variety of characters. Echo is level headed and I think she will go somewhere with her career. I like how she takes up for herself whenever Sara Beth tries to get a rise out of her. I know I wouldn't want to work with her! But she is the type to keep things interesting.
Claude has some insightful comments about the serial killer. I wouldn't want to be covering that story, especially in a small town. I can see how Theo might become involved in this situation because I think he has a sense of things that are going on, and he cares about Echo.
Interesting that her comment to Brian about her having a date for the Christmas party is said to get on his nerves, but hope it just stays that way. She also has a good response to Sara.
You are creating quite an eclectic newsroom that makes the story interesting.
Well done!!!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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Good artwork for your chapter, Rhonda. You wrote this very well, and create a vivid word picture of this local newsroom with its variety of characters. Echo is level headed and I think she will go somewhere with her career. I like how she takes up for herself whenever Sara Beth tries to get a rise out of her. I know I wouldn't want to work with her! But she is the type to keep things interesting.
Claude has some insightful comments about the serial killer. I wouldn't want to be covering that story, especially in a small town. I can see how Theo might become involved in this situation because I think he has a sense of things that are going on, and he cares about Echo.
Interesting that her comment to Brian about her having a date for the Christmas party is said to get on his nerves, but hope it just stays that way. She also has a good response to Sara.
You are creating quite an eclectic newsroom that makes the story interesting.
Well done!!!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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Hi Pam, thank you so much for the six stars, how uplifting!
Thank you, as well, for the helpful comments.
I?m glad the characters are coming through well. I was trying to make it seem like Echo and Brian were just bantering, but I do think it came across differently. I think a tweak at that point will give me the desired effect.
Thanks again, my dear friend,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I am glad you liked the comments and they were helpful.
Comment from Teri7
Rhonda, This is another very well written chapter. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue also. I can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks for sharing! love and blessings, teri
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Rhonda, This is another very well written chapter. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue also. I can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks for sharing! love and blessings, teri
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi Teri,
Thanks for the sweet review. I value your opinion and hope you keep reading on,
Rhonda
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You are so welcome!!!
Comment from BethShelby
This is excellent dialogue and an intriguing story. I'm anxious to see how Theo works back into the story. I think Sara Beth would be a pain to have to work with. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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This is excellent dialogue and an intriguing story. I'm anxious to see how Theo works back into the story. I think Sara Beth would be a pain to have to work with. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Thank you for the great review, Beth! Have a great day,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter for the book. You've established many characters
with the interesting banter in the newsroom. I suspect it's much like many offices, or teacher's rooms. :) You get all kinds of unusual people together
and the dialogue reveals a great deal about them.
Echo will regret mentioning Theo for a long time. Some people have no imagination.
The warning about the serial killer is best remembered by Echo though.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter for the book. You've established many characters
with the interesting banter in the newsroom. I suspect it's much like many offices, or teacher's rooms. :) You get all kinds of unusual people together
and the dialogue reveals a great deal about them.
Echo will regret mentioning Theo for a long time. Some people have no imagination.
The warning about the serial killer is best remembered by Echo though.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi Robert! Thank you for the stellar rating! How uplifting!
Echo had, definitely, pay attention to her boss?s warning. As far as Sara Beth, there may be more truth to her jibes than Echo wants to admit.
Have a great week, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Loretta Bigg
I like this very much. I do wish there was more action and less dialogue but maybe I'm just that kind of reader. But definitely I want to keep reading.
Note: "And the reason why you shared any of that with us in the begining was...?" Sara Beth continued. = beginning.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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I like this very much. I do wish there was more action and less dialogue but maybe I'm just that kind of reader. But definitely I want to keep reading.
Note: "And the reason why you shared any of that with us in the begining was...?" Sara Beth continued. = beginning.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hi Loretta. Thanks for reviewing. Yes, there's lots of dialogue in this chapter, that's for sure. It's about to be action. That's one of the drawbacks of posting small bits at a time. It's hard to get continuity, but I really appreciate your comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from forestport12
Taking some ribbing about the boy in the woods, eh? I missed the one before. Been busy in the real world working. This is a nice addition and further deepens the story line with the reporting, etc... I like the character interaction and dialogue. You are doing well to keep the young ones in it sounding real in the book.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Taking some ribbing about the boy in the woods, eh? I missed the one before. Been busy in the real world working. This is a nice addition and further deepens the story line with the reporting, etc... I like the character interaction and dialogue. You are doing well to keep the young ones in it sounding real in the book.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Thank you for the brilliant six stars!! I'm already out for the week, lol.
I'm glad the new chapter works well with the others. Continuity is hard to maintain a chapter a week, lol, but we all have that to deal with.
I've gotten a bit behind myself right now.
Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda
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Oh, if u find my real name on Facebook Stanley Bednarz. Then I can easily get in the Christian writing promotional groups.
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Stanley, thank you for the heads up on Facebook. I?ll check it out.
Comment from Faith Williams
I am more intrigued after reading this chapter. Some interesting characters introduced. Excellent job introducing some friction between Echo and Sara Beth.
'It was a small town where anything new was newsworthy.' Great line!
Suggestions to consider:
"Okay," she said. I think you can delete this dialogue tag.
"That one hit a little too close to home," Frankie Lawrence, Claude's older sister, said. She creaked back in her chair to join the conversation. I think this dialogue tag is awkward, like you're trying to shove too much information into it. Maybe end the first sentence with 'home'. Then start the second one with, 'Frankie Lawrence... ' instead of 'she' deleting the tag altogether. Also, I'm not sure about the word 'creaked' here. I get what you're going for, but it's written that she is creaking instead of the chair.
"Well, she's the one who's always going on about her secret boyfriend she met in the woods," Sara Beth explained. "I'm not the nutcase here."
For this dialogue tag, maybe switch it out for a short piece of narration. One which gives the reader a hint at Sara Beth's personality, similar to what you did at the end of this chapter with Brian winking. I think it would help with the character's intro as well as break up the necessary dialogue tags.
"Forget about Theo," Echo said. She threw her hands up in exasperation.
I think you can delete the dialogue tag here.
Looking forward to finding out more about this serial killer!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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I am more intrigued after reading this chapter. Some interesting characters introduced. Excellent job introducing some friction between Echo and Sara Beth.
'It was a small town where anything new was newsworthy.' Great line!
Suggestions to consider:
"Okay," she said. I think you can delete this dialogue tag.
"That one hit a little too close to home," Frankie Lawrence, Claude's older sister, said. She creaked back in her chair to join the conversation. I think this dialogue tag is awkward, like you're trying to shove too much information into it. Maybe end the first sentence with 'home'. Then start the second one with, 'Frankie Lawrence... ' instead of 'she' deleting the tag altogether. Also, I'm not sure about the word 'creaked' here. I get what you're going for, but it's written that she is creaking instead of the chair.
"Well, she's the one who's always going on about her secret boyfriend she met in the woods," Sara Beth explained. "I'm not the nutcase here."
For this dialogue tag, maybe switch it out for a short piece of narration. One which gives the reader a hint at Sara Beth's personality, similar to what you did at the end of this chapter with Brian winking. I think it would help with the character's intro as well as break up the necessary dialogue tags.
"Forget about Theo," Echo said. She threw her hands up in exasperation.
I think you can delete the dialogue tag here.
Looking forward to finding out more about this serial killer!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Faith, once again, you've stepped in to help me. That is so invaluable. I do have issues with dialogue tags, and is something I try to focus on, so your help in finding the ones I miss really is helpful.
Serial killer will show up next chapter, or maybe the following, depending on how long it ends up being.
I'm going to go back and make the changes.
Thank you, thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This one is nicely paced. The conversation is entertaining and clearly reveals the personalities of each character. The serial killer is a good story to have her pursue and obviously places her in danger as she is such a good writer.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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This one is nicely paced. The conversation is entertaining and clearly reveals the personalities of each character. The serial killer is a good story to have her pursue and obviously places her in danger as she is such a good writer.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your review and comments, Carol. The serial killer aspect will heat up pretty soon.
Take care,
Rhonda
