Grandpa Simon
Contest Entry2 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
Very difficult to write any kind of narrative in a hundred words, let alone one as good as this. I made the mistake of trying to precis a 700 word story about my cat down to 100, and it took a whole afternoon! I'm guessing you were more sensible and started from scratch.
How you manage to get us to fall in love with this dear old man in 100 words, is a masterpiece. It is done, of course, by allowing other key characters to express love and concern for him so that we are drawn into the story in sympathy with the prevailing feeling of sadness at the bereavement, which is inevitable.
There is never any drama or sentimentality - so that makes the story even more beautiful. You tell this vignette with assurance and skill.
Well done.
Paul
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Very difficult to write any kind of narrative in a hundred words, let alone one as good as this. I made the mistake of trying to precis a 700 word story about my cat down to 100, and it took a whole afternoon! I'm guessing you were more sensible and started from scratch.
How you manage to get us to fall in love with this dear old man in 100 words, is a masterpiece. It is done, of course, by allowing other key characters to express love and concern for him so that we are drawn into the story in sympathy with the prevailing feeling of sadness at the bereavement, which is inevitable.
There is never any drama or sentimentality - so that makes the story even more beautiful. You tell this vignette with assurance and skill.
Well done.
Paul
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Thank you! I'm glad you think so.
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you're welcome
Paul
Comment from JSD
A neat little piece with a potent and heartwarming message. My only worry is that you move from present tense, 'talks', to past tense, 'responded' and 'said' and then back to present, 'start crying' and then you end in the past.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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A neat little piece with a potent and heartwarming message. My only worry is that you move from present tense, 'talks', to past tense, 'responded' and 'said' and then back to present, 'start crying' and then you end in the past.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your help and kind review! I have made it to present tense.
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Can you please revise my story?
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Yep. That's better. Well done.