Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

This is clever to get other readers to be invited to think and imagine what they would do to substitute for a golf ball and a golf club and how to play it and best of all, what to call the game. Then, you've even thought to insert humor: "When the kolf struck it, it smashed into hundreds of pieces, which flew everywhere." What fun.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023

Thanks, Liz. I'm still very impressed you've gone so far back to read this. Part 1 was actually my favorite of the eras they visited because I got to think about how I might have invented the game if it were up to me.

reply by Liz O'Neill on 21-Oct-2023

Cool

Comment from Kaiku

Excellent

Another fine story continuing this golf saga which is so much more than that. I will not try and get ahead of myself by trying to determine what's to come. Just sitting back and waiting.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2023

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

He does such a good job of helping Arie get the right form that I could probably do it right if I ever played golf again. Arie is amusing as she picked a brown walnut just to find out what would happen. I enjoy this part of the story and look for its connection to saving the elderly golf course architect.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023

So glad you are enjoying it, Carol--and learning the correct golf swing at the same time!

Comment from royowen

Excellent

It seems like you are using Kilian and Arie as ancient ancestors of modern day projections of Kilian and Arie, and doing it skilfully and retrospectively too, I'm having trouble visualising the kolf opposed to the modern day golf club, I'm not au fiat with the old use of golf club, well done Jim, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

That's a very reasonable guess, Roy. It's close.

I haven't seen any renderings of what the early clubs may have looked like, but I'm guessing they had thicker shafts and larger wooden heads than today's clubs, possibly resembling a hockey stick more than today's golf club.

reply by royowen on 08-Jul-2023

That sounds right, hence the lack of the spring affect of the modern clubs.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

I'm going to learn a lot about golf from reading this:-)

I was wondering if we'd get to the "let me help you" arms around your crush part of golf teaching. Sure enough!

Good lesson with the rug beating - you aren't rushing the story, but taking the time to make the scene feel real.

Next to last sentence, would "the next day" work better than "tomorrow"?

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

I hope it won't bore you with all the golf, but this is primarily for a golfing readership (although most people reading it here on FS are not golfers.) I'm trying to make it interesting enough so non-golfers can still enjoy it, though.

I appreciate your third paragraph, Pam. You're right. I'm trying not to rush this part, even though it seems like a lot of talk about the golf swing, but to show that it was an effort to figure out how to play this new game right. That's part of the real appeal of golf. When you do it right and hit the ball right in the middle of the clubface, the feeling is almost orgasmic.

Good question in your last point. I looked up when you should use one or the other. Since "tomorrow" means the day after the current day, and Kilian is telling this story in the present, it seems like it's okay in this instance. If he were telling this story, which took place in the past, "the next day" would definitely be the correct choice.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

I'm amazed at your ability to deliver a golf lesson in your storyline.

"Put another one down, and I'll get behind you, hold the club lightly with you, and guide you through the swing." [Uh-huh! That pick-up is as old as golf, isn't it?]

For our patient Killian and Arie ... romance is starting to bloom. I know already that part of me will regret going back to 2032 (where I will be 92, and still kicking around FS).

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

It probably is as old as golf. I taught my wife that way, way back when. For us it was a little more sensual than what I described here, but I didn't want folks thinking I was a dirty old man, having 13 and 14-year-olds do what we did!

reply by Jay Squires on 09-Jul-2023

And what we all did ... truth be known! Or wanted to do.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

What a great golf lesson! I found myself following your instructions and found the weight of my left foot steady and my right heel off the ground just like you described it!
What I like about this chapter is that you have soundly removed that silly myth that GOLF was an acronym for "Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden"!

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

Ha ha! I've never actually heard that one before.

I'm glad you were able to follow the description of the proper golf swing, Helen. That is the actual reason for all this detail--to show how the swing may have developed.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Exceptional

Finally, something to write home about. This was a roundhouse fully meeting its target. An easier flow. Nothing chopped or diced like hamburger, but more like a rib-eye or prime.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

How about a prime NY strip? That's my favorite--cooked medium rare.

Thanks, Tom. Loved your description in your review!

reply by Tom Horonzy on 08-Jul-2023

Med rare is perfect
N Y strip have less fat therefore not as juicy

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I'm playing a bit of catch-up now because I see we've now been teleported back to the 13th century. But golfing techniques remain centre stage and an opportunity for a budding romance between Arie and Kilian. You are having fun, Jim:) As ever an engaging and well-expressed story. Thanks for sharing. Debbie

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

I surely am having fun with this, Debbie. Some of the inspiration for this part comes from when I taught my wife to play when we were quite young.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

This is a good story and I like it. Be careful using words ending with 'ing' they shouldn't be used unless necessary. They make your writing passive instead of active. I never noticed this before in your writing. I wonder what's going on.

She looked at me with a smile and said, "At least I struck it a little this time." (again with 'looked', You can say, 'She smiled at me. "At...)


"Good shot!" I said. She was beaming.

"I really did it! It wasn't as far as yours, but I got it in the air." (Passive and her emotion should be before her dialogue. 'She beamed. "I really did it.')

She was beaming again. (passive, 'She beamed again.')

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

Thank you, Barbara. So glad you are enjoying it.

I think the greater use of "ing" words in this chapter comes from the continuous motion of the golf swing itself. It's not a sequence of specific steps, but a flowing motion of continuous action, often with several things happening at once, hence the present participle form of the verbs. In these cases, they aren't really passive, but simply show the continuous or simultaneous form of the verbs.

Even in the non-swing-related parts like your "beam" example, she didn't just beam and stop; she kept beaming for some time because she was delighted with how she was doing.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 08-Jul-2023

Your choice. Just sharing what I've learned from editors.

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

I appreciate it.