Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Neighborhood Drama"A collection of short stories
4 total reviews
Comment from Andrea Kepple
Nice reveal at the end of the story. I like that there is a relationship between the two women which provides a way of revealing information about the neighbor.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Nice reveal at the end of the story. I like that there is a relationship between the two women which provides a way of revealing information about the neighbor.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you for that comment. I am experimenting with different voices.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Oh, how I love these kinds of stories. I'm serious. Perpetually Suspicious Me just can't get enough of imagining the horrors that are going on in any given neighborhood. Thank you for this vicarious thrill today, and I hope you do well with it in the contest!
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Oh, how I love these kinds of stories. I'm serious. Perpetually Suspicious Me just can't get enough of imagining the horrors that are going on in any given neighborhood. Thank you for this vicarious thrill today, and I hope you do well with it in the contest!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you .I'm glad you got a thrill! That's the whole point.
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Ohhhh yeah!!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a great introduction to a horror fiction, expressed so well in limited word count. You've cleverly and unobtrusively (through dialogue) put flesh on the bones of Anton and Gemma and skilfully set this scene of intrigue so that the reader is hooked. There are no errors in your text. The only thing I would say in the last sentence to get more of a sense of shock in the wording - The women (fell) silent. But well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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This is a great introduction to a horror fiction, expressed so well in limited word count. You've cleverly and unobtrusively (through dialogue) put flesh on the bones of Anton and Gemma and skilfully set this scene of intrigue so that the reader is hooked. There are no errors in your text. The only thing I would say in the last sentence to get more of a sense of shock in the wording - The women (fell) silent. But well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you and I will change that. I really appreciate this type of feedback.
Comment from Bill Schott
This flash fiction, Neighborhood Drama, would be a cool first chapter of a deeper story that would reveal a larger tale of either an obvious killer or an innocuous one drawing victims in through her compelling fragility.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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This flash fiction, Neighborhood Drama, would be a cool first chapter of a deeper story that would reveal a larger tale of either an obvious killer or an innocuous one drawing victims in through her compelling fragility.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you Bill. It is actually part of a chapter in which the two victims and their connection are revealed. I'm thankful you saw this.