When Funny Isn't
by a long shot9 total reviews
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This was well written and suspenseful until the end. You had unto rather than on to (possibly)
And in the floor rather than the boy was ON the floor
Just wanted to get that to you in difference.
Best of luck!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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This was well written and suspenseful until the end. You had unto rather than on to (possibly)
And in the floor rather than the boy was ON the floor
Just wanted to get that to you in difference.
Best of luck!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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thanks for the catch, Alexandra. Fixed "on the floor"; going to check on "onto." Thanks for reading!
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You're welcome. Best of luck to you!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Orderlies lifted him "onto" the stretcher
You kept us wondering throughout what Jake was rushing away from that was so important, saving it to the very end to reveal the twist.
You did a good job of telling your story in less than 500 words. Good luck with the contest.
Pam
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Orderlies lifted him "onto" the stretcher
You kept us wondering throughout what Jake was rushing away from that was so important, saving it to the very end to reveal the twist.
You did a good job of telling your story in less than 500 words. Good luck with the contest.
Pam
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Heavens, I wonder what I said instead of onto. will check and correct. too big of a hurry, I guess. Thanks, for your nice comments and for the catch.
Comment from Andrea Kepple
I like the juxtaposition of Jake being a clown and the emotions Jake is going through. I like how you have Jake nervous about how he is going to do in his new job and it ends with him performing his job with completely different emotions.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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I like the juxtaposition of Jake being a clown and the emotions Jake is going through. I like how you have Jake nervous about how he is going to do in his new job and it ends with him performing his job with completely different emotions.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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thank you for your very nice comments!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Oh, wow. Biggest gut-punch ending to a flash fiction story ever. This I certainly NEVER saw coming. Go you. REALLY well done, Mystery Writer. I'll be seeing this one in the winner's circle, I'm thinking.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Oh, wow. Biggest gut-punch ending to a flash fiction story ever. This I certainly NEVER saw coming. Go you. REALLY well done, Mystery Writer. I'll be seeing this one in the winner's circle, I'm thinking.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Rachelle, you're a sweetheart! thanks!!!!
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Thanks for the delightful read!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A tragic scene described here in your fictional story and I am not quite sure what happened to this lad but it was serious enough for him to lose his life, did someone run into his toy car? A hit and run driver? I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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A tragic scene described here in your fictional story and I am not quite sure what happened to this lad but it was serious enough for him to lose his life, did someone run into his toy car? A hit and run driver? I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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the boy died from his illness and head injury when he fell.
Jake, had to go to work, to survive, as the circus clown, riding around in one of those funny little cars. Do you remember those at the circus?
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Thank you for explaining x
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, this is powerful! The pace of your drama in this limited word count is so effective in this race against time. All the time you think there might be a happy ending but sadly no - and that is a clever ploy to use as a writer. Unpredictability mixed with poignancy - it ticks the boxes for me. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Wow, this is powerful! The pace of your drama in this limited word count is so effective in this race against time. All the time you think there might be a happy ending but sadly no - and that is a clever ploy to use as a writer. Unpredictability mixed with poignancy - it ticks the boxes for me. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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thank you very much! Your kind words ae much appreciated.
Comment from JT traveller
How terribly sad. I felt so glum after reading this. You really drew on the emotions of the reader.
A passionate, well written piece. I enjoyed it
Best of luck in the competition,
Jacqueline
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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How terribly sad. I felt so glum after reading this. You really drew on the emotions of the reader.
A passionate, well written piece. I enjoyed it
Best of luck in the competition,
Jacqueline
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Chris Findley
I enjoyed reading your story I was really glad you didn't give comformation of his death, or is it me just trying to keep hope alive any way good job there was one word , he's I believe you meant he'd it's nothing good job
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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I enjoyed reading your story I was really glad you didn't give comformation of his death, or is it me just trying to keep hope alive any way good job there was one word , he's I believe you meant he'd it's nothing good job
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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thanks for reading and for the catch.
Comment from kiwisteveh
I'm scratching my head a little about this one. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I wonder if it's verging on bad taste. After all. what kind of father goes straight back to work after the death of his son?
Story itself well-written. Good luck in the contest.
Steve
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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I'm scratching my head a little about this one. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I wonder if it's verging on bad taste. After all. what kind of father goes straight back to work after the death of his son?
Story itself well-written. Good luck in the contest.
Steve
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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a person who needs the money to survive.