Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

I like how their relationship is deepening: ""Of course." I wrote the name of the poem at the top and handed the scroll to her, and as I did so, she lifted her head up and gave me a quick kiss upon the lips. I was so startled by this that I let out a laugh." Arie show an attitude many of us lack. She was able to laugh at herself. Great lesson.

 Comment Written 29-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2023

Thank you, Liz. Arie has become a favorite character of mine for her unique combination of a passionately driven female in everything she does, but a fun-loving one who can laugh at herself too.

reply by Liz O'Neill on 29-Sep-2023

good point

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

I'm beginning to wonder why you asked me to review your 'Saving Mr. Calvin' posts, but I'll wait until I catch up. It's possible that these older ones have all been edited per reviewer comments.
But if Kilian doesn't return her the kiss on her lips as she sits there....

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023

Yes, I have made a few changes. You never can tell when someone comes up with a real good observation or points out an inconsistency that needs to be rectified. That's where I'm most grateful for the reviews. Also, they let me know if I'm being too unrealistic (which I've been accused of a few times!)

Comment from Kaiku

Exceptional

And today was the birth of Happy Gilmore! Only in a girl's body. Fun story and a six stars for the clever poem that was written. Good stuff and fun to read.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023

Thanks so much Kevin for the 6 stars and your fun review. Although there are a number of non-golfers reading this, this one is mainly written for the golfers. Hence all the details about the golf swing.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Ah! Young love, a golf club, and a ball! Could life be any better for one of your characters, Jim? You do it all with class and humor and find unique ways of keeping your reader's interest at a high.

Jay

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

Thanks so much, Jay. A lot of the inspiration for this came from when I taught my wife to play golf. We were a little older than Kilian and Arie at the time (perhaps 19 years old), but it went much the same way. It was very amusing.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Fun chapter, Jim.
Arie is a fantastic character.
The two of them together gives off quite a laugh (at least for me).
I'm trying to picture them in that era, 1247. Hopefully I'm doing it justice.

Very interesting segway. Can't wait to see how it ties in...

Cheers,
John

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023

Thanks so much, John. I think you'll grow to love her even more when you see her interact with Kilian's friends, coming up soon.

This is primarily a golf story, and the purpose of all this detail is to see how the club is swung properly. The advice Kilian gives to Arie could be used successfully by anyone who wants to learn the golf swing. I don't know if it really developed this way, but I imagine it was something close to this.

reply by jmdg1954 on 08-Jul-2023

You?re the golfer and know it much, much better than I.
John

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I like this story and thank you for sharing it with us.

I sat down with my back against a tree. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)

"My pa taught me. I thought I saw my name," she said as she sat down next to me. TRY - she said as she sat beside me)

I looked up at her. & We sat looking into each other's eyes. (Look is a common verb and tells us, you need to show you reader. There are a lot of verbs you could use to show us. How did he look at her, how did they look into each other's eyes?)

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023

Thanks very much, Barbara. I'm glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for the suggestions too.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is very cute and as good a description of golf's origin as I have ever read. Killian's new friend is amusing and a good sport, which makes her extra special.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023

I'm having to imagine a lot of the origin, but it's fun speculating on how it may have come about. I have only the barest facts to work with. I love the character of Arie.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

It seems that Arie and Kilian are becoming quite close, and these characters are quite obviously attracted to one another, and using the kolf and finding Arie swinging herself off her feet, she's obviously beset with a great sense of humour, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023

Thanks, Roy. They both become enamored with the new game and each other. We'll see pretty soon her contribution to the game.

reply by royowen on 07-Jul-2023

A pleasure

Comment from Julie Lau

Exceptional

This is a really unique and interesting way to explore the origins of Your Game. I like your characters and settings, and the time jump is brilliant. Good luck with it! Julie

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023

Thanks so much, Julie, and for the 6 stars too. Since I can no longer play, this is my way to stay in touch with the game. I've had this story in mind for about 7 years now and finally decided to write it.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

I know not how you got to where you are, and question whether you know where you are going, as if flying by the seat of your pants with an overcast sky and no stars to be guided by, and yet ... it is interesting.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023

I am definitely a pantser when it comes to writing a novel. For this one, I have a very general outline, but the details are all being filled in as I write it and see where the characters take me.