Beyond the Fireworks
Called home on Independence Day34 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Hi Jessica,
I have no words really, other than to say that your poem is truly beautiful and that I'm so sorry for your loss.
I love the structure and sequencing of your free form poem. You take us with you as you revisit 4th July's and the bond between you and your sister and the responsibility you felt for her is tangible.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Hi Jessica,
I have no words really, other than to say that your poem is truly beautiful and that I'm so sorry for your loss.
I love the structure and sequencing of your free form poem. You take us with you as you revisit 4th July's and the bond between you and your sister and the responsibility you felt for her is tangible.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Debra, I'm honored and deeply moved by your review. Thank you so much.
Xoxo
Jessica
Comment from F. William Lester
Very nice but so sad. We want to remember celebrations for their enjoyment, but sometimes they remind us of what we've lost. It must be difficult. Although Kelly is gone, I hope memories of your time together bring some comfort to you each July 4th and throughout the year. Thank you for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Very nice but so sad. We want to remember celebrations for their enjoyment, but sometimes they remind us of what we've lost. It must be difficult. Although Kelly is gone, I hope memories of your time together bring some comfort to you each July 4th and throughout the year. Thank you for sharing your story.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much, that truly means a lot to me.
Xoxo
Jessica
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You're very welcome
Comment from Loretta Bigg
Wow that is really good. A coincidence with me too as my brother died July Sixth (long ago) and when I lived in the States the fireworks were really hard for me after that as he was in the hospital July 4. I have no criticisms. This is just plain excellent.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Wow that is really good. A coincidence with me too as my brother died July Sixth (long ago) and when I lived in the States the fireworks were really hard for me after that as he was in the hospital July 4. I have no criticisms. This is just plain excellent.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you again, Loretta!
Xo
Comment from RodG
This poem brought tears to my eyes. The Speaker's love for "little sister" is so evident throughout the poem. You put us there at the beach watching the fireworks with these siblings. And her tragic death evokes both pain and sympathy. This poem is poignant and well-written. Rod
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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This poem brought tears to my eyes. The Speaker's love for "little sister" is so evident throughout the poem. You put us there at the beach watching the fireworks with these siblings. And her tragic death evokes both pain and sympathy. This poem is poignant and well-written. Rod
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much, Rod. That means the world.
Xo
Jessica
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My pleasure.
Comment from Boogienights
This is a beautiful but sad tribute, I'm sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost mine 6 years ago, she died in her sleep, all alone. I could feel the love in your words and the longing for a lost time. Thank you for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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This is a beautiful but sad tribute, I'm sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost mine 6 years ago, she died in her sleep, all alone. I could feel the love in your words and the longing for a lost time. Thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Thank you! Your kind words and empathy mean so much to me!
Xoxo
Jessica
Comment from Mintybee
This is heartfelt. I'm sorry for your loss. The repetition of the fireworks shows the passing of time, summing up a relationship with your sister in a very grounded way. The way you show your sister relating to the fireworks shows the way your sister changed, too. First, young and afraid. Then bravely enjoying them. Then missing them. Then you, missing her. This is skillfully and beautifully done.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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This is heartfelt. I'm sorry for your loss. The repetition of the fireworks shows the passing of time, summing up a relationship with your sister in a very grounded way. The way you show your sister relating to the fireworks shows the way your sister changed, too. First, young and afraid. Then bravely enjoying them. Then missing them. Then you, missing her. This is skillfully and beautifully done.
Mintybee
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind words and stars, truly grateful!
Xo
Jessica
Comment from Paul Manton
Oh, Jessica, I've passed this by three times because I didn't want to cry while I wrote. This must have been so hard to write! Quite a few of you in the Women's Writing Group have had such terrible experiences - but it doesn't surprise me; the many (usually lovely) relationships I've had all my life (as many firm life-friends as not) tell me that any (especially attractive) girl who has avoided unwanted attention is very lucky indeed.
But in this very brave poem, you open up a sea of grief - and I will steel myself to continue. Well, on reading it for the third time, it is so obviously worth six stars - I feel almost angry that I only have five. What would I call the form? Multi - diamante? I think that I will coin a new word - I will call this a HARLEQUIN POEM - perhaps the first of its kind, in honor of your wonderful sister.
Jessica, this is a magical piece of writing - when I introduce kids or adults to poetry, I always tell them to try to find a topic which makes them happy, sad, angry or joyful - any strong emotion will do - and that unlocks all kinds of inhibitions.
You have the skill of a professional writer so you know how true that is - and you know how to control such a powerful grief in a word context which both focuses and beautifies the subject.
I have no way here to write the thousand word review this piece deserves: the repeated pattern and opening is simply excellent -your use of repetition is flawless, so as we proceed through the 'harlequin', the story unfolds in a most attractive way - it is your sister's biography seen through the lens of your love - and so when we reach the appalling scene of her suicide, the floodgates of our emotion open - in shock and grief and despair.
Now I have read it once more, the control of the ending and the parallels and repetitions you make - it is such beautiful work, Jessica - to know that she has gone "beyond the fireworks/ to illuminate the Heavens" is what I would hope to write if this were my younger sister - this must have been very cathartic to write - a Harlequin - and a masterpiece.
Paul
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Oh, Jessica, I've passed this by three times because I didn't want to cry while I wrote. This must have been so hard to write! Quite a few of you in the Women's Writing Group have had such terrible experiences - but it doesn't surprise me; the many (usually lovely) relationships I've had all my life (as many firm life-friends as not) tell me that any (especially attractive) girl who has avoided unwanted attention is very lucky indeed.
But in this very brave poem, you open up a sea of grief - and I will steel myself to continue. Well, on reading it for the third time, it is so obviously worth six stars - I feel almost angry that I only have five. What would I call the form? Multi - diamante? I think that I will coin a new word - I will call this a HARLEQUIN POEM - perhaps the first of its kind, in honor of your wonderful sister.
Jessica, this is a magical piece of writing - when I introduce kids or adults to poetry, I always tell them to try to find a topic which makes them happy, sad, angry or joyful - any strong emotion will do - and that unlocks all kinds of inhibitions.
You have the skill of a professional writer so you know how true that is - and you know how to control such a powerful grief in a word context which both focuses and beautifies the subject.
I have no way here to write the thousand word review this piece deserves: the repeated pattern and opening is simply excellent -your use of repetition is flawless, so as we proceed through the 'harlequin', the story unfolds in a most attractive way - it is your sister's biography seen through the lens of your love - and so when we reach the appalling scene of her suicide, the floodgates of our emotion open - in shock and grief and despair.
Now I have read it once more, the control of the ending and the parallels and repetitions you make - it is such beautiful work, Jessica - to know that she has gone "beyond the fireworks/ to illuminate the Heavens" is what I would hope to write if this were my younger sister - this must have been very cathartic to write - a Harlequin - and a masterpiece.
Paul
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Paul, your words have truly overwhelmed me with their immense kindness and profound wisdom. As tears cascade down my cheeks, I cannot express enough gratitude for this heartfelt review.
Thank you so much.
Xo
Jessica
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Jessica, I never read a poem that moved me so much.
Big hug!
Paul
Comment from jacquelyn popp
This is truly a loving and beautiful tribute for your sister. Very well written, and it flows perfectly. This is beautifully written and breathes pain, sorrow and infinite love. It is very touching and a moving poem. The repetition of it's the fourth of july makes your poem stand out, and is like pins and needles that makes the poem hit home with losing a loved one, or missing them, and not having the loved one with you. What a loving and beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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This is truly a loving and beautiful tribute for your sister. Very well written, and it flows perfectly. This is beautifully written and breathes pain, sorrow and infinite love. It is very touching and a moving poem. The repetition of it's the fourth of july makes your poem stand out, and is like pins and needles that makes the poem hit home with losing a loved one, or missing them, and not having the loved one with you. What a loving and beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much!
Xo
Jessica
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, quite a mysterious poem associated with the fourth of July. Life gives you always choices. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Wow, quite a mysterious poem associated with the fourth of July. Life gives you always choices. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much!
Xo
Jessica
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Beautifully written poem. It breathes pain, sorrow and infinite love. Moving to the point of getting shivers and pain in the guts. Really. That's what it made me feel. The repetition of the 'it's fourth of July...Remember...' is like pins and needles poked into the brain. Losing a loved one whether young or not, is a calvary. I hope your writing helps ease the sorrow.
Mario
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Beautifully written poem. It breathes pain, sorrow and infinite love. Moving to the point of getting shivers and pain in the guts. Really. That's what it made me feel. The repetition of the 'it's fourth of July...Remember...' is like pins and needles poked into the brain. Losing a loved one whether young or not, is a calvary. I hope your writing helps ease the sorrow.
Mario
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much! That means the world to me, Mario. I appreciate your kindness and stars.
Xo
Jessica