Saving Mr. Calvin
Viewing comments for Prologue "Saving Mr. Calvin"Golf's legacy and future
25 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I like the writing, but is there going to be a lot of politics?
I lived in California from 64- 79 (minus 4 yrs military). I keep up with current events (fires and droughts). And I still have family out there.
All that is to say that I have opinions.
I'll try to keep my reviewing to the writing. (smiley face here)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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I like the writing, but is there going to be a lot of politics?
I lived in California from 64- 79 (minus 4 yrs military). I keep up with current events (fires and droughts). And I still have family out there.
All that is to say that I have opinions.
I'll try to keep my reviewing to the writing. (smiley face here)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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No, that's really the only politics in the book.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
like this, it could mirror some readers' thoughts:
""Are you going to keep hitting me with this jargon all day?" They sound a little ADD. This contains quite a cautionary tale. It could develop quite a discussion.
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like this, it could mirror some readers' thoughts:
""Are you going to keep hitting me with this jargon all day?" They sound a little ADD. This contains quite a cautionary tale. It could develop quite a discussion.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jim, this is a great beginning to your new book and a dramatic end to the prologue. Lol
Now, I have played a lot of golf in my time, so I can follow that no problem. I have a suggestion. I would make a character list for reference.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll take this story. This was well written. All best Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Hi Jim, this is a great beginning to your new book and a dramatic end to the prologue. Lol
Now, I have played a lot of golf in my time, so I can follow that no problem. I have a suggestion. I would make a character list for reference.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll take this story. This was well written. All best Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your wonderful review and for the 6 stars. You will find a character list starting with Chapter 2, as well as a glossary of golfing terms for those who aren't golfers. So glad you started the story.
Comment from jmdg1954
I'm in, Jim and hooked. I like the prologue and chapter.
Now I have to get those other names/charectors out if my head and be ready this this crew.
Nicely done and I'm looking forward to more..,
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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I'm in, Jim and hooked. I like the prologue and chapter.
Now I have to get those other names/charectors out if my head and be ready this this crew.
Nicely done and I'm looking forward to more..,
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Great, John, but don't forget all of them; we may revisit with a few later on.
Comment from Loretta Bigg
This is a really good novel. I gasped when the cart went over the cliff. I just have a few suggestions. How about making what I guess is the prologue all in the 3rd person. That way it won't be a shock when there is a new character so fast in the 1st person.
Secondly, there is some dialogue that is really not necessary, the whole bit with breakfast. I learned nothing about your characters or the plot during those lines. You may feel it's not realistic to not include small talk, but this is not real life. It's a fictional account. It is easy to lose your audience in a couple of lines like that.
So that is all I have to say. Naturally you don't have to agree with my suggestions. These are just things I think would improve what is already a very good job.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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This is a really good novel. I gasped when the cart went over the cliff. I just have a few suggestions. How about making what I guess is the prologue all in the 3rd person. That way it won't be a shock when there is a new character so fast in the 1st person.
Secondly, there is some dialogue that is really not necessary, the whole bit with breakfast. I learned nothing about your characters or the plot during those lines. You may feel it's not realistic to not include small talk, but this is not real life. It's a fictional account. It is easy to lose your audience in a couple of lines like that.
So that is all I have to say. Naturally you don't have to agree with my suggestions. These are just things I think would improve what is already a very good job.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your well thought-out review, Loretta. You've made some excellent points that novelists should keep in mind and with which I agree to a point.
Have you seen shows or books that begin at a certain point in time and often have some surprising event and then the hook is over and it will say something like, "2 hours earlier?" Then we go back and learn what led up to that event, and we usually see it take place again but now have the full context of it? That's what this prologue is, and that scene will take place again in its full context later (actually, quite near the end of the novel.) My point is that the entire novel is written in first person with Kevin (and others) doing the narrating, so it really would not make sense to switch that one scene to third person. But I will do my best to help the reader keep the characters straight without being shocked when new characters are introduced.
Regarding your second point, let me assure you that everything said over breakfast was significant to the plot and characterization of the story and was not simply small talk. Its purpose was to lay the foundation and reasons for what is to come. I agree with you completely, that unrelated small talk is just filler and largely unnecessary in a novel, and I hate novels that do a lot of it for no apparent reason.
With that said, I hope you will keep reading. A clue to the theme of the story is in the title and in the Background that appears starting with Chapter 2. - Jim
Comment from F. William Lester
Gavin Newsom? President? Interesting idea. I never thought of writing a novel based on a game like golf. I'm interested in how this turns out. One comment or maybe I missed something, but in the beginning section when the cart swerved to the right, around the rock, I would've thought the cart would've rocked to the right, raising the left side of the cart, not the right. It's a minor point that caught my eye. I'd guess you're from California. I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley in Temple City - many years ago. I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing it. Good luck and stay well.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Gavin Newsom? President? Interesting idea. I never thought of writing a novel based on a game like golf. I'm interested in how this turns out. One comment or maybe I missed something, but in the beginning section when the cart swerved to the right, around the rock, I would've thought the cart would've rocked to the right, raising the left side of the cart, not the right. It's a minor point that caught my eye. I'd guess you're from California. I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley in Temple City - many years ago. I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing it. Good luck and stay well.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Yes, there are actually many good golf novels out there. If you put in "golf novel" in the Amazon search bar, you will see quite a few listed, and if you have the patience to scroll about 1,500 entries in, you might find two by me as well. (Ah, the near uselessness of self-publishing on Amazon!)
Actually, I'm from New York originally and lived most of my life in Michigan and now reside in North Carolina where the laws of physics and gravity are the same as those in California. The cart does not swerve around the right side of the boulder, but off the path completely, on the right side of the path before getting to the boulder. Thus the hard turn to the right causes the right side to lift off the ground. I was amused by your review and will try to make that clearer in the writing.
So glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you will keep reading. - Jim
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I did enjoy your story and I'm glad my review made you smile.
Comment from nomi338
I know next to nothing about the game of golf. I do however, know all that I need to know when it comes to reading a story that is very well conceived and executed. This story is very well constructed and told in such a way, that I found it compelling reading. I truly regret that I do not at the moment have six stars to award to a story that certainly deserves it.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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I know next to nothing about the game of golf. I do however, know all that I need to know when it comes to reading a story that is very well conceived and executed. This story is very well constructed and told in such a way, that I found it compelling reading. I truly regret that I do not at the moment have six stars to award to a story that certainly deserves it.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Awfully nice of you to say. Thank you so much, Nomi. I hope it keeps your interest.
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I am really into this story. It snuck up on me and grabbed my immediate attention and interest.
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I'm so glad. Chapter 2 may seem a bit tedious with a number of golfing terms (but I do define them in the Author Notes), but Chapter 3 and beyond should be lots of fun and a lot less technical.
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Please bring it on. I am already captivated by the opening salvo.
Comment from Tpa
Enjoyed both prologue and chapt-1 Good ending to prologue. I think you should identify the characters in the prologue. Using 'golf terms' seems ok, but define them enough for a person who is not a golfer. Well-written.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Enjoyed both prologue and chapt-1 Good ending to prologue. I think you should identify the characters in the prologue. Using 'golf terms' seems ok, but define them enough for a person who is not a golfer. Well-written.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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You'll see a lot of the terms defined in chapter 2, and then continuing forward as they occur. I will continue to repeat prior ones too in future chapters if they are referenced again. Beyond chapter 2, there won't be a lot of new ones. We'll be going back to the origin of the game, so we will all learn them together. Thanks for your nice review!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Talk about starting in the middle of the action! Nice:-)
I laughed at Newsom being president in 2032. Everyone knows it will be 2028.
In the second paragraph of the chapter you use breakfast twice in the same sentence. Nice to meet before we played? Breakfast will be implied.
You mention your penchant for redheads. Is Allie a redhead? I don't recall you describing her. I assume we'll find out who she is.
Looking forward to more golf, or lack of it, in future chapters.
Good start!
Pam
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Talk about starting in the middle of the action! Nice:-)
I laughed at Newsom being president in 2032. Everyone knows it will be 2028.
In the second paragraph of the chapter you use breakfast twice in the same sentence. Nice to meet before we played? Breakfast will be implied.
You mention your penchant for redheads. Is Allie a redhead? I don't recall you describing her. I assume we'll find out who she is.
Looking forward to more golf, or lack of it, in future chapters.
Good start!
Pam
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Glad you're starting at the beginning with this one, Pam. This one's a little different from the others, because I had written them before posting them to FS. I'm just working on Chapter 3 now.
The mention of redheads was mainly for those who have read my other ones, and when they see the first mention of a redhead (soon), they won't say "Not another redhead!" There's a good reason for it which will be revealed eventually.
Thanks for the great review and the 6 stars, and for pointing out the repetition of "breakfast." I changed it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a good beginning to the story, although I can't figure out why Kevin didn't see (or didn't believe) the signs. The state of life in California for golfers sounds like it went down the toilet. As usual, you are a very good proofreader.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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This is a good beginning to the story, although I can't figure out why Kevin didn't see (or didn't believe) the signs. The state of life in California for golfers sounds like it went down the toilet. As usual, you are a very good proofreader.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Wishful thinking on his part, I guess. Although it's not nearly this bad yet, I wouldn't be surprised to CA heading this way by 2032 when this story begins.
Glad you are joining me on another adventure, Carol. This one hasn't been written yet like the others.