2023 Gypsy's Tanka
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Strawberry Dusk Dust"-
9 total reviews
Comment from aryr
This was a great tanka, Gypsy. The picture was of a wonderful strawberry dusk dust. Definitely it told the entire story- it was the truth of the tenderness of love at night. Very well done and greatly done. Blessed Be n Hugs!!!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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This was a great tanka, Gypsy. The picture was of a wonderful strawberry dusk dust. Definitely it told the entire story- it was the truth of the tenderness of love at night. Very well done and greatly done. Blessed Be n Hugs!!!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much for the kind review. Blessed be.
gypsy
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Most welcome, Gypsy.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this absolutely beautiful poem with us. Not only are the words beautiful, but the entire presentation. This is additional proof of how absolutely talented you are.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you for sharing this absolutely beautiful poem with us. Not only are the words beautiful, but the entire presentation. This is additional proof of how absolutely talented you are.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much, Barbara. I appreciate your kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from shelley kaye
strawberry powder
s p r i n k l e d
upon the shore ~
sinfully sunny dessert
at sunset
cool sunset tanka - picture and poem are perfect together
good syllable count and smooth flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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strawberry powder
s p r i n k l e d
upon the shore ~
sinfully sunny dessert
at sunset
cool sunset tanka - picture and poem are perfect together
good syllable count and smooth flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much, Shelley. I appreciate your kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from rama devi
Imaginative opening line - made me smile. The personification of dusk dust is innovative and highly original. Well done! Nice presentation too. I enjoyed this!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Imaginative opening line - made me smile. The personification of dusk dust is innovative and highly original. Well done! Nice presentation too. I enjoyed this!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much, Rama Devi1. I appreciate your kind review.
Gypsy hugs
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Most welcome xxoo
Comment from GWHARGIS
Oh my goodness, that was a beautiful photograph. Where did you find it? It went so well with your poem. The sunset is the kiss the day leaves us with. Your imagery was spectacular. Thank you for posting this. Gretchen
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Oh my goodness, that was a beautiful photograph. Where did you find it? It went so well with your poem. The sunset is the kiss the day leaves us with. Your imagery was spectacular. Thank you for posting this. Gretchen
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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I find most of my pictures in pinterest.com
Thank you very much, Gretchen. :)
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Paul Manton
Of course, it is wonderful. I take my life in my hands when I note that it has one or two (ev'ry?) syllables less than the 31 I was taught to provide.
I don't think that matters in English, since the convention for the original (perfect) haiku is 17 or less.
Much more important is the image and the feelings the words evoke: both alliteration and assonance for the opening line create a powerful, precise picture, which I greatly admire. 'Sprinkled' has all kinds of resonance - fairy dust (thank you Walt and JMBarrie), coverings for cakes, ice cream - all beautiful and beneficial - and domestic. Safety of home and childhood.
All this ends up blessing the bay - no wonder it overflows with tenderness.
And the response - in this case has no new sentence, but develops the idea in the same sentence: it becomes personal to the writer as s/he receives all this bounty - not just now. but - every single night.
A very beautiful, wistful, romantic image - a blessing.
Thank you, Gypsy.
Paul
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Of course, it is wonderful. I take my life in my hands when I note that it has one or two (ev'ry?) syllables less than the 31 I was taught to provide.
I don't think that matters in English, since the convention for the original (perfect) haiku is 17 or less.
Much more important is the image and the feelings the words evoke: both alliteration and assonance for the opening line create a powerful, precise picture, which I greatly admire. 'Sprinkled' has all kinds of resonance - fairy dust (thank you Walt and JMBarrie), coverings for cakes, ice cream - all beautiful and beneficial - and domestic. Safety of home and childhood.
All this ends up blessing the bay - no wonder it overflows with tenderness.
And the response - in this case has no new sentence, but develops the idea in the same sentence: it becomes personal to the writer as s/he receives all this bounty - not just now. but - every single night.
A very beautiful, wistful, romantic image - a blessing.
Thank you, Gypsy.
Paul
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much for the detailed review and feedback.
Tanka is 31 english
syllables or LESS. The reason is that Japanese syllables, or ON sounds, are shorter.
Modern Tanka
The best way to learn how to write tanka is by writing and reading them. In English, we have a growing body of tanka collections but It will be impossible to catch up to the Japanese poets, but we can learn from our fellow Japanese poets, and one of the absolute best books for that is Makoto Ueda?s anthology, Modern Japanese Tanka (Columbia University Press, 1996).
Makoto Ueda?s anthology, Modern Japanese Tanka (Columbia University Press, 1996. For examples click here
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Thanks Gypsy. I know some of that but I am glad to learn more from my Sensei. When I first learned about tanka, it was suggested that in the imperial court, on receiving an honored gift of an haiku, the recipient would add the next two lines of 7 (or so) as a thankful response. I have always tried to write tankas in this way. But please keep teaching me. There is so much to learn.
Paul
Comment from JSD
And again. Your gypsy skills amaze. Sprinkling your own magic on a scene and making it live with the tenderest of touches. Awesome. Well done. John. X
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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And again. Your gypsy skills amaze. Sprinkling your own magic on a scene and making it live with the tenderest of touches. Awesome. Well done. John. X
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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John,
Thank you very much for your time and kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your Gogyhoka poem- nice picture presentation- poem has a good flow/ the pink bay does look like a strawberry dust reflection on the water - nice job -AP
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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I like your Gogyhoka poem- nice picture presentation- poem has a good flow/ the pink bay does look like a strawberry dust reflection on the water - nice job -AP
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, ap. I appreciate your kind review and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
I like your personification of the day and night as the giving into night becomes that "true act of unselfish love
every night" by the day as it becomes dusk daily.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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I like your personification of the day and night as the giving into night becomes that "true act of unselfish love
every night" by the day as it becomes dusk daily.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, big sister. I am happy you like the personification.
You always understand my poems.
Love you,
Marival ❤️