My Father
Earthly father's restoration by Heavenly Father7 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written Father's Day poem you have penned for the contest. I wish I had six stars to give you. You used great descriptive heartfelt words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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This is a very well written Father's Day poem you have penned for the contest. I wish I had six stars to give you. You used great descriptive heartfelt words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank you Teri
The Lord Bless you and yours. Hava a Great Christmas time and happy years ahead
Comment from Wendy G
A different, honest and moving account of the different roles of your father in your life. Your poem was written with thought and care and great meaning.
Wendy
Some of your capitalised words do not need capitals as they are not names or titles.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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A different, honest and moving account of the different roles of your father in your life. Your poem was written with thought and care and great meaning.
Wendy
Some of your capitalised words do not need capitals as they are not names or titles.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank You Wendy G
Thank you for your insight and comment
Have a very merry Christmas and Happy Tears ahead
Comment from Rachelle Allen
What a deep and riveting tale this is...in the form of a poem that rhymes so nicely, no less. I could feel your heart aching throughout it. I'm sorry you've had to experience so much pain, but your love of G-d keeps you on track, and that is impressive.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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What a deep and riveting tale this is...in the form of a poem that rhymes so nicely, no less. I could feel your heart aching throughout it. I'm sorry you've had to experience so much pain, but your love of G-d keeps you on track, and that is impressive.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank you Rachelle Allen
Recently I have come to see more importantly, as I see it, that God Himself must have infinite love beyond anything we can grasp. He fogives and forgives and forgives. Our sin somehow is washed clean by Christ His Son hanging on that cross for us. What grace beyond all measure.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes indeed, if we could only see that God has a good reason to do anything, the omniscience to see what can solve a great problem that we can't possibly, the miraculous way He seems to make the impossible to look easy, beautifully written my friend, thanks for sharing, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Oh yes indeed, if we could only see that God has a good reason to do anything, the omniscience to see what can solve a great problem that we can't possibly, the miraculous way He seems to make the impossible to look easy, beautifully written my friend, thanks for sharing, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Roy Owen
Thankyou for your reading and comment
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Most welcome
Comment from Jim Wile
What a beautiful, sad poem this is, that it took the death of your baby daughter to bring you back together with your dad. At least something good came from such an unfortunate event.
The rhyming was excellent and for the most part the meter was a very good iambic heptameter which you kept to very well in most lines, but there were a few, that with minor tweaks, could have made it perfect.
For example, in the following two lines:
"That night I got a strapping, it hurt more than a little
Possibly enough to make our relationship most brittle"
these simple tweaks would have made the meter better:
"That night I got a strapping, and it hurt more than a little
It's possible it made relationship with him most brittle"
By inserting "and" before "it hurt" in the first line, the reader no longer has to pause on the downbeat (if you are tapping your foot) to make the meter work. Your second line begins trochaic (DA-dit) rather than iambic (dit-DA), and you have to squeeze several syllables together to make it work. I will show you the accented syllables in red in both your versions and mine to see the difference:
Possibly enough to make our relationship most brittle
It's possible it made relationship with him most brittle
The last three lines:
"His real assignment here was to plough the fallowed ground
Defeating Satan's grip on man by hanging all sin on that cross
Man's sin was thus forgiven then, God the Father is the boss"
could similarly be improved as follows:
His real assignment here had been to plough the fallowed ground
Defeating Satan's grip on man by hanging on that cross
Man's sin was thus forgiven, God the Father is the boss
It takes a little more effort, but it removes the responsibility of the reader to try to make the words fit the meter. - Jim
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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What a beautiful, sad poem this is, that it took the death of your baby daughter to bring you back together with your dad. At least something good came from such an unfortunate event.
The rhyming was excellent and for the most part the meter was a very good iambic heptameter which you kept to very well in most lines, but there were a few, that with minor tweaks, could have made it perfect.
For example, in the following two lines:
"That night I got a strapping, it hurt more than a little
Possibly enough to make our relationship most brittle"
these simple tweaks would have made the meter better:
"That night I got a strapping, and it hurt more than a little
It's possible it made relationship with him most brittle"
By inserting "and" before "it hurt" in the first line, the reader no longer has to pause on the downbeat (if you are tapping your foot) to make the meter work. Your second line begins trochaic (DA-dit) rather than iambic (dit-DA), and you have to squeeze several syllables together to make it work. I will show you the accented syllables in red in both your versions and mine to see the difference:
Possibly enough to make our relationship most brittle
It's possible it made relationship with him most brittle
The last three lines:
"His real assignment here was to plough the fallowed ground
Defeating Satan's grip on man by hanging all sin on that cross
Man's sin was thus forgiven then, God the Father is the boss"
could similarly be improved as follows:
His real assignment here had been to plough the fallowed ground
Defeating Satan's grip on man by hanging on that cross
Man's sin was thus forgiven, God the Father is the boss
It takes a little more effort, but it removes the responsibility of the reader to try to make the words fit the meter. - Jim
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thank You Jim
I think i should perhaps forward poems to you before entering. Just a joke. I. did appreciate your feedback. Ther have been other positive reviews most with a corrective point as well.
Have a great Christmas and many years ahead
Comment from Bill Schott
This Dad poem, My Father, is one that ultimately tells a story of grace bestowed through the sacrifice of a child. The mending of old wounds comforts the loss for all left behind.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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This Dad poem, My Father, is one that ultimately tells a story of grace bestowed through the sacrifice of a child. The mending of old wounds comforts the loss for all left behind.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Thak you Bill
When you see that God allowed life to continue after Adam and Eve's sin you realise He loved man that he made. He has allowed life to continue until time has fully come as he alone determines. One day he will call all His loved ones home.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Wow, such a sad and beautiful story about and tribute to your father here on earth and to our Heavenly Father as well. You tell it slowly and with tenderness, as surely as God was working within your hearts. Beautiful. A sure winner, as far as I am concerned.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Wow, such a sad and beautiful story about and tribute to your father here on earth and to our Heavenly Father as well. You tell it slowly and with tenderness, as surely as God was working within your hearts. Beautiful. A sure winner, as far as I am concerned.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2023
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Dear Ginda
My apologies for very late response to your comment on My Father. I did pen a reply way back but have only just found out my method of response failed many times. Appreciated your comments thank you.
