Ae Fond Kiss
From school romances to the real thing Set in Glasgow4 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
Thank you very much for the song 'Ae Fond Kiss ' .I will search and listen to it .
It was a well presented story. It left a trail of sadness in the meaningless death two young people .If only they hadnt hurried ....
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Thank you very much for the song 'Ae Fond Kiss ' .I will search and listen to it .
It was a well presented story. It left a trail of sadness in the meaningless death two young people .If only they hadnt hurried ....
Comment Written 24-Jun-2023
Comment from JSD
This rings so true and is packed with authentic dialogue and description. An excellent narrative. Long, but worth the read. Really enjoyed it. Thank you. (Banana Cake! Mmmm.)
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This rings so true and is packed with authentic dialogue and description. An excellent narrative. Long, but worth the read. Really enjoyed it. Thank you. (Banana Cake! Mmmm.)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2023
Comment from lancellot
I think you have a good story, but more editing of the work is required, with an emphasis on speech and actions tags, punctuation, and paragraph structure.
notes:
"Meg, why are you not home yet?" he asked "your Mum will be upset."
-"Meg, why are you not home yet?" he asked. "Your Mum will be upset."
"Are you picking on everyone again?" Sean asked "you just don't pick on Meg, you hear?"
-"Are you picking on everyone again?" Sean asked. "You just don't pick on Meg, you hear?"
"He's a good boy love." said Mum "I'm glad you are friends, I just hope..."
-"He's a good boy love," said Mum. "I'm glad you are friends, I just hope..."
She was going to say, "I hope he does not {break your heart"}
-break your heart."
"That's Ae Fond Kiss." said Mr Maxwell "one of my wife's favourites.
-"That's Ae Fond Kiss," said Mr. Maxwell "one of my wife's favourites.
"Meg?" It was even Steven. "be careful, lass"
-"Meg?" It was even Steven. "Be careful, lass."
I'm concerned about Sean" I said lamely as I turned to look at him
-I'm concerned about Sean," I said lamely as I turned to look at him.
"Honey, so am I." he took a puff from his cigarette "I should not be
-"Honey, so am I." He took a puff from his cigarette. "I should not be
"Oh hell, look" I followed his gaze
-"Oh hell, look." I followed his gaze.
"Who is Alice" I whispered
-"Who is Alice?" I whispered.
None of us did" I whispered
-None of us did," I whispered.
He hugged me suddenly[.]
-add
"But Meg you will one day" he kissed me saw me home poured me a sherry, stayed until the tears were out,
-"But Meg you will one day." He kissed me, saw me home, poured me a sherry, stayed until the tears were out,
"Mighty cold" he laughed
-"Mighty cold." He laughed.
"Merlot?" I suggested[.]
-add
"Definitely." he sat down "and what about you...do you have any plans?
-"Definitely." He sat down. "And what about you...do you have any plans?"
"I'm not moving from Glasgow." I stated almost defiantly,
-"I'm not moving from Glasgow," I stated almost defiantly,
"Me neither" Steve answered and smiled at my look "Meg let
"Me neither," Steve answered and smiled at my look. "Meg let
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I think you have a good story, but more editing of the work is required, with an emphasis on speech and actions tags, punctuation, and paragraph structure.
notes:
"Meg, why are you not home yet?" he asked "your Mum will be upset."
-"Meg, why are you not home yet?" he asked. "Your Mum will be upset."
"Are you picking on everyone again?" Sean asked "you just don't pick on Meg, you hear?"
-"Are you picking on everyone again?" Sean asked. "You just don't pick on Meg, you hear?"
"He's a good boy love." said Mum "I'm glad you are friends, I just hope..."
-"He's a good boy love," said Mum. "I'm glad you are friends, I just hope..."
She was going to say, "I hope he does not {break your heart"}
-break your heart."
"That's Ae Fond Kiss." said Mr Maxwell "one of my wife's favourites.
-"That's Ae Fond Kiss," said Mr. Maxwell "one of my wife's favourites.
"Meg?" It was even Steven. "be careful, lass"
-"Meg?" It was even Steven. "Be careful, lass."
I'm concerned about Sean" I said lamely as I turned to look at him
-I'm concerned about Sean," I said lamely as I turned to look at him.
"Honey, so am I." he took a puff from his cigarette "I should not be
-"Honey, so am I." He took a puff from his cigarette. "I should not be
"Oh hell, look" I followed his gaze
-"Oh hell, look." I followed his gaze.
"Who is Alice" I whispered
-"Who is Alice?" I whispered.
None of us did" I whispered
-None of us did," I whispered.
He hugged me suddenly[.]
-add
"But Meg you will one day" he kissed me saw me home poured me a sherry, stayed until the tears were out,
-"But Meg you will one day." He kissed me, saw me home, poured me a sherry, stayed until the tears were out,
"Mighty cold" he laughed
-"Mighty cold." He laughed.
"Merlot?" I suggested[.]
-add
"Definitely." he sat down "and what about you...do you have any plans?
-"Definitely." He sat down. "And what about you...do you have any plans?"
"I'm not moving from Glasgow." I stated almost defiantly,
-"I'm not moving from Glasgow," I stated almost defiantly,
"Me neither" Steve answered and smiled at my look "Meg let
"Me neither," Steve answered and smiled at my look. "Meg let
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from royowen
I've been to Scotland twice, both times the weather was perfect, mind you, it was the heart of summer, but only saw a mild drizzle near John O' Groats. But never went bpnear Glasgow, but saw extensively the rest. I was born in Liverpool, but migrated to Australia a long time ago, but have travelled. My best friend committed suicide when I was only 18, I suffered his loss quite profoundly, I loved this in depth story. PS, there are some punctuation errors in your story, well done though. Blessings Roy
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I've been to Scotland twice, both times the weather was perfect, mind you, it was the heart of summer, but only saw a mild drizzle near John O' Groats. But never went bpnear Glasgow, but saw extensively the rest. I was born in Liverpool, but migrated to Australia a long time ago, but have travelled. My best friend committed suicide when I was only 18, I suffered his loss quite profoundly, I loved this in depth story. PS, there are some punctuation errors in your story, well done though. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023