Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your fun poem, Mark. You did a good job in crafting a perfect verse that matches your photo and its lovely artwork. I enjoyed reading it!!

Melissa

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023

Melissa,

Yes, it is summer now. On ?vacay? with children and grandchildren in Vermont for a week.

Thanks for your support for this post. FanArt delivers again on an excellent illustration for me.

Mark

Comment from Father Flaps

Excellent

Hi Mark,
Awesome 5-7-5! Would have been a fine entry for a contest. A winner.
I liked the alliteration with "b" words. But your final line had some great imagery. I've been in on building sand castles near the incoming tide, watching the water (first) filling a moat, and then gradually melting the features a little at a time. Terrific! Thanks for sharing and causing me to remember our vacations on Prince Edward Island. I wish we were going over there this summer (sigh). Maybe next year.
Cheers,
Kimbob

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2023

KimBob,

Our memories of the beach are similar!

Thanks for your review and compliment!

Mark

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

Hi Mark,
Wonderful entry for the 5-7-5 contest.

I do not think you nee the ~ as I feel it takes away from the perfect form of the poem...........
Lisasview, new to this site

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2023

Lisa,

For all my Haiku posts, I employ the squiggle rather than the long dash to set off the satori line. ?The? was forced to make it a Haiku 5-7-5, but since it isn?t a contest requirement, I will edit it to 5-6-5.

Mark

reply by Lisasview on 25-Jun-2023

Why do you need anything at the end of your second line....
Lisa

reply by the author on 25-Jun-2023

Just my style for Haiku like poems - it is to set off the satori line or transition/contrast thought

reply by Lisasview on 25-Jun-2023

Once upon a time I did that with many of my poems but then I found the reader would see the contrasting though... So I stopped...
Just my thoughts...
Lisa

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Heh heh, well done Mark, yep, sand castles, no matter how well made, are always wave fodder, sunburn, sand in eyes, swallowed sea water, all delightful memories, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Thanks Roy!

What about sand in your lemonade drink or P&J sandwiches?!? LOL

They are my memories too.

Mark

reply by royowen on 24-Jun-2023

That?s true too

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

A very evocative beach scene captured in your verse. Your alliteration is good but maybe a touch overdone. But generally an excellent verse with perfectly fitting image/presentation. Thanks for sharing. Debbie

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Debbie,

Debbie,

Thanks for your review. As an an amateur poet, I may overdo my alliteration, but I find it fun to do. My only published attempt at an ebook used alliteration as a theme for my animal-alphabet illustrated book.

Mark

Mark

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 24-Jun-2023

I love it too because it's fun and adds cohesion to the verse - in your case - lots:))

Comment from karenina

Excellent

B-b-b-beautifully alliterative! (Big grins)

Love how your font looks similar to the tan I have never been able to achieve as a "ginger" with fair skin. (More like lobster-red for me)

Love it! For sure most lay still (except for the rotisserie turn) as castles get swept away by tides or lazy-summer idleness!

Karenina

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

K

Methinks the baby oil bronze of my youth had caused some skin issues as I have aged. Now, I rarely go to the beach or pool unless I am under an umbrella!

I do recall that rotisserie turn/burn (-;

M

M

reply by karenina on 24-Jun-2023

LOL... Oh those days before "SPF" was a known thing. My mom used to encourage me to slather up with "baby oil" -- (basting while basking, as it were...) Ouch!

Comment from tempeste

Excellent

Ciao Marco !

Someone is thinking of summer holidays. ( biggrin)

I'm a loner, so such a crowd sprawled on the beach would freak me out.

I like all the B s , the sound is pleasant to the ear .

Sorry, I was not thinking straight .. I edited

Glad you found a way to write the word away and not 'way.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Thanks for your review. Our family vacation week is at the avon Trapp Family z lodge in Vermont. We are looking forward to the get together.

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is a very good haiku that you have for the pictures you have posted with it. I enjoyed it very much. I wish you the very best with all of your writing and may God bless you.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Thanks, as always , for your reviews of my short stuff.

Mark

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

I'm there now and the many are going at it on the sand outside our windows. A fun poem of the beach in the summer. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for your writing day.
Sal :))

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Thank you Sal!
Always appreciate your comments and stars.

Mark

Comment from JSD

Excellent

This is great. You need to enter this in the contest. Love the alliteration, although I'm not sure the last line fits as well as the other two brilliant ones.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023

Sometimes, my inspiration is lacking for all three lines LOL

Mark