Violated
Childhood Devastation39 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent poem entry for the Borrowed Rhyme contest.
I would add the National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673
It's so heartbreaking... i worked helping victims of rape and molest. Children were the hardest. The offenders shoud get stricter sentences.
The rhymes and meter are not forced and they flow well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Good luck!
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
  |
Excellent poem entry for the Borrowed Rhyme contest.
I would add the National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673
It's so heartbreaking... i worked helping victims of rape and molest. Children were the hardest. The offenders shoud get stricter sentences.
The rhymes and meter are not forced and they flow well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Good luck!
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Thank you Gypsy. I already edited and so happy you suggested it. How kind of you to even get it for me. Before when I did this I had added but forgot this time, so you have no idea how much your feedback means to me. I love that you worked with them, and I thank you for that. I only used the photo rather than a google art as it makes it more real, and I haven't done my duty as a survivor to bring this out for others to know. When I finally told my family at the age of 40 as my uncle did threaten, I promised in therapy to do my best to help others. I have written about it a couple times but need to do more. It still is a hard subject because I kept it to myself my entire childhood. I thought it would kill me. I am still healing from it, and there are so many suffering. Thank you for what you do and I know that if you have a personal interest and wanted to share, you would say it. But I thank you either way. You are awesome MaryVale. Thanks again!!!!! I do not have one right now, but as soon as the new review nominations come back around, I will remember you!!
-
I'm so sorry this really happened to you, I thought it was about someone else. Your little girl picture shows the beatiful child you were and she still lives in you. Be kind to her.
Grief doesn't have an expiration date. Some take years or carry it till the end of life.
I'm happy you are in therapy, that helps a lot.
I was sexually molested at 4 years old for a few years by a cousin, for sure, but I think my dad too... I just can't remember all of it. I don't want to push it.
Take good care of yourself. I'm glad you write about it, it helps. If you don't want to expose yourself so much, you can say is fiction. You never know who will read your poem, maybe another victim of abuse.
Hugs,
MariVal
-
You too Sweetheart. Mine was my godfather when I was visiting my cousins but he knew how much I loved my dad so he threatened that something bad would happen to him. I wrote about it once before in a poem called godfather and I am just now able to get rid of some of the hate because he not only molested me, he made me live in fear for my father. That is why I say he stole my childhood.
Your story brought tears to my eyes and I will respect your privacy and not repeat what you have told me. However I am always here for a friend. And I pray that you too will be ok. You are such a special woman. Thank you again.
Comment from Frank Malley
Altho the lines are written as 6 beats each, the rhythm of this poem is in groups of 3 beats. I think this lively musical feature diminishes the poem's power, being as it is about a sad but present reality of life. I also think that the choice of rhymes worked but seemed to emphasize the rhymes more than the poem's disturbing thesis.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
Altho the lines are written as 6 beats each, the rhythm of this poem is in groups of 3 beats. I think this lively musical feature diminishes the poem's power, being as it is about a sad but present reality of life. I also think that the choice of rhymes worked but seemed to emphasize the rhymes more than the poem's disturbing thesis.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Thank you Frank, since this is my story and is a hard one to tell, I do see what you mean about the rhymes and beats. I think I was trying to cheer up a non cheerful situation with something cheerful. And that is just not possible. As always, I appreciate more than you could possibly know your feedback and the respectful way you gave it to me. I thank you friend so very much!
Hi Frank, I hope I understood what you were saying and I also hope that I improved it and would appreciate if you could give it one more look just so I know if I had caught the drift of what you were telling me. I thank you!
-
Hi Debi. I sometimes lose track of where I am with respect to reviewing a particular piece. Did I respond to your remarks 7 days ago? I don't mean to slight your work - it has been recognized by the FS community.
-
No Frank, but once again you did me a favor. I took your advice and I was much happier with it. So thank you. I have had to put my book on hold but it will happen. I am having my first eye surgery on June 14 & then again on the 28th. Then full force ahead. Thanks again dear friend!
-
No Frank, but once again you did me a favor. I took your advice and I was much happier with it. So thank you. I have had to put my book on hold but it will happen. I am having my first eye surgery on June 14 & then again on the 28th. Then full force ahead. Thanks again dear friend!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The story of far too many children, myself included. We call them "our precious ones," and then we hurt them. Hurt them for life.
This is creative, given the prompt, but painful to read and to know that this is happening to a child somewhere even as I read this.
Thank you for sharing.
Pam
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
The story of far too many children, myself included. We call them "our precious ones," and then we hurt them. Hurt them for life.
This is creative, given the prompt, but painful to read and to know that this is happening to a child somewhere even as I read this.
Thank you for sharing.
Pam
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Hi there Pam! I thank you so much for your very kind and caring comments for my violated poem. I appreciate them very much my dear friend
Comment from pome lover
a very sad commentary. This is a picture of a real child. If she is the one who was violated, why would you put her picture for all to see? If not, it's not fair to her to show her in this context.
I give you a 4 for that reason and because I thought your meter was off and "a feign," is incorrect, as feign is a verb.
Poetry should sound natural, not forced, and not too many words trying to rhyme. Why don't you try an idea and just say what you think without trying to rhyme, such as in free verse, and give it a try?
I apologize for being critical, but I wish you would give it another try.
Be gentle with her, or pick another subject and say, sincerely what you
mean. Would you?
Katharine
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
 |
a very sad commentary. This is a picture of a real child. If she is the one who was violated, why would you put her picture for all to see? If not, it's not fair to her to show her in this context.
I give you a 4 for that reason and because I thought your meter was off and "a feign," is incorrect, as feign is a verb.
Poetry should sound natural, not forced, and not too many words trying to rhyme. Why don't you try an idea and just say what you think without trying to rhyme, such as in free verse, and give it a try?
I apologize for being critical, but I wish you would give it another try.
Be gentle with her, or pick another subject and say, sincerely what you
mean. Would you?
Katharine
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
First of all Katharine, I appreciate your honesty and your feedback. I will look at some of your concerns. The only reason I felt ok with using the picture tho was because it was of me. It is hard to put it out there and using a real photo makes it not just a public service announcement. Something that others may see as a real problem. Because there are so many that it makes uncomfortable, people don't want to touch it. They would rather pretend it doesn't happen and write about something else.
I will look at your other suggestions and I appreciate them. I had looked to see if using feign in this way was right, and one example was that it was a pretense. I will further look at that. My message was more important than anything and yet will look at the meter thing too. However I do have a problem with your questioning my being sincere. If you had lost your childhood to a monster who threatened your father if you told, then you might not be so quick to judge. I love great feed back more than any compliment so it is not about that. But like I taught my children in school, people listen much better when treated with respect. The old catching flys with honey and not vinegar thing. I would rather cut off an arm than be rude to another so I am careful to never judge, as It is one of the most important lessons I had taught because I knew what it was like to let people hurt me, and as I am still healing from hurt, I have been told that I must demand it for myself now in every situation. And yet I know you well enough to know that you maybe didn't mean to be as harsh as you sounded and I will look into your suggestions. Thanks so much my friend. And I will give it another try. I appreciate that suggestion.
-
I didn't realize I questioned your sincerity. I apologize. Your response is so nice and understanding. I wish I'd known that was you in the picture. I think, you must be mighty brave to have gone through all that, I think, if it were me, I'd be very bitter.
-
Thank you Katharine. You are a very gracious woman and I am proud to consider you a friend.
It has taken twenty years of therapy and faith to determine whether I would let my godfather destroy the precious time I have left on this this Earth after he already taken my childhood and most of my adult life.
You are a remarkable woman and I thank you for your kind response!
-
thank you so much. Wish I knew who you were. It's ok of you'd rather not say.
-
I wish I could, but it is against the contest rules.
I do appreciate your kindness,
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I can't say I enjoyed reading because of the subject matter, not because of your writing. This is a very well written contest entry. Children should never suffer and those who cause it should suffer worse. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I can't say I enjoyed reading because of the subject matter, not because of your writing. This is a very well written contest entry. Children should never suffer and those who cause it should suffer worse. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Hi there Barb! I thank you so much for your very kind and caring comments for my violated poem. I appreciate them very much my dear friend
Comment from karenina
A difficult subject that we all need to be more aware of and speak out about. You give voice to the many who never felt they had a choice and still do not. Thanks for that. Your "borrowed" rhyme fits hand in glove...and you added internal rhyme as well! (Somehow appropriate as what could be more internal than THIS horrible "secret" kept?)
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
A difficult subject that we all need to be more aware of and speak out about. You give voice to the many who never felt they had a choice and still do not. Thanks for that. Your "borrowed" rhyme fits hand in glove...and you added internal rhyme as well! (Somehow appropriate as what could be more internal than THIS horrible "secret" kept?)
Karenina
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Hi there K! thank you so much for your very kind and caring comments for my violated poem. I appreciate them very much my dear friend
-
I ache for you...
-
💕😘
Comment from papa55mike
It's the crime that too many times goes unreported. The fear and shame lead to silence. What a wonderfully written poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
It's the crime that too many times goes unreported. The fear and shame lead to silence. What a wonderfully written poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Hi Mike, I thank you so much for your very kind and caring comments for my violated poem. I appreciate them very much my dear friend
Comment from Sally Law
I'm sorry I don't have a six for this, mystery poetess. This cut like a knife through my soul. I'm so so sorry! What a terrible thing to go and suffer at a young age. Your childhood was robbed! My hope is that know the Lord and His healing power. He alone can make things new and take these scars away.
I will be watching for this in the voting box.
Sending you my best today as always and loving thoughts and prayers for you, dear friend.
Sally Law xoxos
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
I'm sorry I don't have a six for this, mystery poetess. This cut like a knife through my soul. I'm so so sorry! What a terrible thing to go and suffer at a young age. Your childhood was robbed! My hope is that know the Lord and His healing power. He alone can make things new and take these scars away.
I will be watching for this in the voting box.
Sending you my best today as always and loving thoughts and prayers for you, dear friend.
Sally Law xoxos
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Hi there Sally! I thank you so much for your very kind and caring comments for my violated poem. I appreciate them very much my dear friend !
-
Most welcome! My very best in the contest, dear poetess.
Comment from shelley kaye
first- you may want to put a "possible trigger warning" on this due to the sensitive nature
second- the light blue is really hard to read - maybe try a darker blue?
other than that, this was an excellent poem with smooth rhyme and flow
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
|
first- you may want to put a "possible trigger warning" on this due to the sensitive nature
second- the light blue is really hard to read - maybe try a darker blue?
other than that, this was an excellent poem with smooth rhyme and flow
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
-
Done and thank you Shelley. I wondered about both of those issues and I love when my first reviewer is someone like you, who will put those feelings to rest for me. I was going to do the warning right away, but there will be someone, (usually a man) that will tell me it doesn't need one for this type of scenario. So I appreciate your feedback so very much, as well as your lovely review. Thanks a lot my sweet friend.
-
the darker blue looks great!
and you're welcome :)
