Marcie and Maxx
Some violence here - not vivid enough for a warning9 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
As zombie stories go, this is not really that violent or gruesome. I have never actually written a story about zombies because they never interested me much, but I have read some and this is pretty mild. I've often thought that it's too bad that they don't have a degree system in place so one could indicate just how big an issue something is. You know for sexual content, you could have three choices (1) sweetly romantic (2) graphically sexual (3) downright raunchy. Then we would know what to expect.
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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As zombie stories go, this is not really that violent or gruesome. I have never actually written a story about zombies because they never interested me much, but I have read some and this is pretty mild. I've often thought that it's too bad that they don't have a degree system in place so one could indicate just how big an issue something is. You know for sexual content, you could have three choices (1) sweetly romantic (2) graphically sexual (3) downright raunchy. Then we would know what to expect.
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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What a great idea! Have you suggested it to Tom? I know this story would offend some of my friends here on FS and not others. That's why I initially put the warning but agree that it's pretty plain vanilla as far as the genre goes.
Thanks for taking a look and sharing your ideas,
Deb
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I actually don't know Tom well enough to make suggestions and I'm still relatively new here. I liked the story though. Felt sorry for Marcie and Maxx.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I wish I had a six for you, Debs, this was excellent! Scary, but not enough to put on the warning, the one you have is enough. I can't imagine what it would be like if this did happen, it doesn't bear thinking about. You wrote this very well, my friend, the scene where she had to sink the axe into her husband and children, that was sad, but necessary. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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I wish I had a six for you, Debs, this was excellent! Scary, but not enough to put on the warning, the one you have is enough. I can't imagine what it would be like if this did happen, it doesn't bear thinking about. You wrote this very well, my friend, the scene where she had to sink the axe into her husband and children, that was sad, but necessary. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Thank you, Sandra. I appreciate that you took a look. I really was just asking for some technical thought. I think that, for the genre, it's pretty plain vanilla but know that sensitivities vary and didn't want to offend anyone.
I think there's a big difference between horror and gore. I wish there was a way to difrenciate levels of violence, sexual content and language. For me, at least, dropping the f-bomb every three sentences is really different than n occasional curse word placed in a realistic situation where someone might say something out of character for them.
Anyhow, since that's not how FS does it, I do appreciate your input. :)
Blessings and hugs,k
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
I think this does need the Violence warning. But the biggest deterrent in reviewing is probably the length, not the content. Few people even want to read the 1200 words. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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I think this does need the Violence warning. But the biggest deterrent in reviewing is probably the length, not the content. Few people even want to read the 1200 words. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Yeah.. I did get a bit wordy. Imagine! Me! Being wordy... Hmm... lol
I wish there were stages of the warnings. For me, there's a big difference in dropping the f-bomb constantly in a piece of writing and an occasional word that is 'appropriate' for the situation but out of character for the person. same with sexual content and violence. But there's not, so... I'll use either the warning provided or a short disclaimer at the top. :)
Thank you for your opinion and input. Much appreciated!
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
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You did choose the horror category so that may be enough.
Comment from Bill Schott
I waded into this story with the notion to perhaps skim it for reasons to invest more time reading it. Marcie's plight grabbed me and dragged me through this walking dead scenario with the beating pulse of the protagonist looking for her escape as each sentence made that more and more unlikely. Riveting!
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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I waded into this story with the notion to perhaps skim it for reasons to invest more time reading it. Marcie's plight grabbed me and dragged me through this walking dead scenario with the beating pulse of the protagonist looking for her escape as each sentence made that more and more unlikely. Riveting!
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Bill, I'm so appreciative of your kind comments - wow! - and the exceptional rating you gave Marcie and Maxx. I'm pleased that it grabbed you and didn't let go. :)
Comment from sherrygreywolf
Loved the story but am still a bit confused as to why only your heroine and the pup were unaffected by whatever changed everyone else. And that could just be me and my endless curiosity about weird stuff!
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Loved the story but am still a bit confused as to why only your heroine and the pup were unaffected by whatever changed everyone else. And that could just be me and my endless curiosity about weird stuff!
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you for pointing that out, Sherry. No one else said anything so I'll buzz over and do it now. :)
Love ya'
Deb
Comment from Heather Bagley
That ending really got me!! The last line sent chills down my spine. The story overall gave me vibes of I Am Legend. I'm not sure if I would be strong enough to come to the same conclusion as the main character. I wonder what it was that infected all the people? Some mutant virus? Poisoned food? Very well written! ~Heather
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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That ending really got me!! The last line sent chills down my spine. The story overall gave me vibes of I Am Legend. I'm not sure if I would be strong enough to come to the same conclusion as the main character. I wonder what it was that infected all the people? Some mutant virus? Poisoned food? Very well written! ~Heather
Comment Written 21-May-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you, Heather. I wonder what infected them, too. lol. I may decide to pursue this as a first chapter and will have to give it a bit more thought then... We'll see. :)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting on the story. I appreciate both.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from royowen
I've read something similar in books when I was young, but not quite as the infection spreading quite as fast as this, but you didn't have the luxury of space. Great write though, this could be a novel of course, stretching it out more, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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I've read something similar in books when I was young, but not quite as the infection spreading quite as fast as this, but you didn't have the luxury of space. Great write though, this could be a novel of course, stretching it out more, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-May-2023
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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Thank you, Roy. I know a lot of people were put off by the length so I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
I've considered changing the ending and making it a first chapter but it would be in a very long line of 'waiting to be finished' books! (And I might just do it anyway. lol)
Again, thank you and blessings,
deb
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Well done
Comment from Monica Chaddick
This was an amazing story! You are definitely talented. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the font size gets very, very small in one section of the story. It kind of threw me for a second. Not enough to cost you my vote, though. Best of luck!
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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This was an amazing story! You are definitely talented. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the font size gets very, very small in one section of the story. It kind of threw me for a second. Not enough to cost you my vote, though. Best of luck!
Comment Written 21-May-2023
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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Thank you so much, Monica! I wonder what I did with that font... Who knows! lol
I've thought about making this the first chapter of a book but will see how it does in the contest.
Thank you again for those shiny stars!
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I definitely think you should make it into a book, regardless.
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Honestly, I would love to know where they go from here, so if you add to it, please let me know.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, this is a horror story and a half! It started so peacefully with good descriptive prose and then, just as we were getting in the mood for a neighbourly chat, all hell was let loose! We then move at pace as the horror fest evolves with skilful and shocking imagery but there is no end to it - only ultimate death for everyone - the monsters have taken over. Even little Maxx is doomed. There are some glitches and it might be worth giving it a once over before the contest - 'rather' is strangely highlighted in yellow in the para beginning "More of the neighbour-turned-monsters..." 'Bryan not Bryand in the para beginning "Listening to the hollow rings..." But an excellent write in this particular genre. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 20-May-2023
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Oh wow, this is a horror story and a half! It started so peacefully with good descriptive prose and then, just as we were getting in the mood for a neighbourly chat, all hell was let loose! We then move at pace as the horror fest evolves with skilful and shocking imagery but there is no end to it - only ultimate death for everyone - the monsters have taken over. Even little Maxx is doomed. There are some glitches and it might be worth giving it a once over before the contest - 'rather' is strangely highlighted in yellow in the para beginning "More of the neighbour-turned-monsters..." 'Bryan not Bryand in the para beginning "Listening to the hollow rings..." But an excellent write in this particular genre. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 20-May-2023
reply by the author on 20-May-2023
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Debbie, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'll zip over and fix those things. Thank you for pointing them out - Grammarly missed them, as did I.
I'm glad, also, that my own little Max and I aren't in that situation! lol
Blessings and thank you again,
Deb