Comment from SAPIRE

Good

I was captivated by the intriguing writing on the forbidden fruit and the serpent. The spiritual insights gained were genuinely enlightening. It was a remarkable experience, unveiling the delicate dance between desire and wisdom. This conversation has left an indelible mark, inspiring me on my journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth.







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 Comment Written 01-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2023

Thank you again for the reveiw and comments. This one was for a contest where we had to create a rhyming poem with words they selected. Everyont had to use the same eight words.
Beth

Comment from RobertaLee

Excellent

Appreciate the rhyme scheme and words of your poem. I am personally not a fan of trite words for the sake of rhyme such as the forth line. You might also choose to refrain from adding periods at the line ends as they aren't needed. Doing so is a legitimate device which would help with consistency. For instance in lines six through eight there would be capitals at the beginning of each line with no punctuation at the end. That method does allow for the poets flow to be more recognizable with repeated reading. Thank you and many blessings.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2023

Thank you Roberta. I really appreciate the review and comments. I assume you noticed that the rhyming words were not my own, but words selected that had be uses as the rhyming words for the contest.
Most of what I have read about capitals and punctuation is that poetry should be treated the same as prose.
Beth

Comment from godlucifer

Excellent

great introductory to satan. great introductory to the soul. achiever is the devil and his introductory is to achieve all souls. your poem was well thought out and described. thanks for the read.

truly
godlucifer

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you for the review and comments. I've not seen you before on the reviews. Have you been on fanstory long? You have an interesting choice of a pen name.
Beth

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Why did this not come into my PM box. I know I am a fan and have been for years. I am glad I found it. WAIT!!! I read more and discovered this poem won a contest. I am so happy for you.

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thanks Barbara. When some is in a blind contest it will never go to anyone PM box. I just have to depend on people to drop by and read it and hopefully vote for it.
Beth

Comment from Terry Broxson

Excellent

Beth, congratulations on winning the contest and well deserved. I was talking to a friend yesterday who is thinking about writing a commentary about all the lying politicians in our country today. I read your poem and thought about how well it fit with her commentary. Excellent work. Terry.

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you Terry, I appreciate the review, the congrats. and the comments. You're there is certainly a lot of lying that goes on. We know the father of lies is still at work influencing all he can get to listen.
Beth

reply by Terry Broxson on 31-May-2023

Amen to that!

Comment from Faith Williams

Exceptional

Congratulations on your win, Beth! I voted for yours. There is an undercurrent of darkness when I read this poem. From the perfect title to the last line, it is excellent. Again, congratulations!

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you so much for the review and comments. I really appreciate your vote. Thanks for the congradulations and especially the six stars.
Beth

Comment from Goodadvicechan

Excellent

The picture is well chosen fit this poem.

Congratulations to your contest winner. You deserve it. The poem rhymes well and the story is well written and told.

Thanks fir sharing

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you so much for the review and the congrats on the win. I enjoyed making the rhyming words fit with something that made sense.
Beth

Comment from jake cosmos aller

Excellent

a nice retelling of the story of the snake but from a traditional Christian perspective. I wrote a poem about the snake from the snake's POV that is not al all in line with traditional Christian teachings and is well a sarcastic retelling of the tale.

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you Jake. I appreciate the review. It was fun trying to fit the rhyming words into a poem. A lot of people think of the story as a fairy tale and enjoy letting the snake be the hero. I'll have to look for your version.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

CONGRATULATIONS on your 1st place win, Beth.
You did a great job with your poem. I liked the
image and the color scheme. You told a true story
all need to hear and learn from. Great use of the
required words.
Thanks for sharing, Jan

 Comment Written 31-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you so much for the reveiw and the congrats on the win. It was fun to write.
Beth

Comment from Lady MJ

Excellent

In a few words you have been able to capture the essence of what happened at the very beginning of mankind's existence that explains why things are the way they are today. True, that manslayer, from the beginning, uses the tactic of lying (among other things) today just as he did with Adam.

 Comment Written 30-May-2023

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reply by the author on 31-May-2023

Thank you so much for a great review and comments. I really appreciate them.
Beth